The problem is that so many guys attempting [the neg] DO NOT understand the difference between a “neg” and an insult. From what I’ve read on here, a “neg” is supposed to be playful…like you were teasing a bratty little sister, but not trying to make her cry. Instead, what I’m seeing out there is guys saying these unbelievably rude things.
Example: I was meeting some friends for dinner, but I got there early and had to wait at the bar. Some random strikes up a conversation with me. We speak for a couple of minutes, everything is polite and friendly, when he comes out with this whopper:
“You know, those child-bearing hips of yours almost make up for how small your tits are.”
That interaction went from, “Hmm, maybe he’s got some friends that might like to come hang out with me and my friends after we’ve all eaten,” to me actually giving the guy the finger and telling him to go fuck himself. Which I generally never do because I think it’s tacky, but I was so shocked and insulted that it just kind of popped out.
RD is aghast at the rudeness of her negger, but a small change in wording is all it would take to reframe RD’s middle finger into a muffsome tingle. For example:
“Your sexy hips balance out your athletic boobs.”
There. This is what a neg should sound like coming from a better negger. It’s only superficially a compliment. The “athletic boobs” part, sliding in as it does like a sneaky syntactical fucker soon after the conspicuous flattery, adds that necessary ingredient of backhanded ambiguity that so enthralls women’s need for intrigue. When delivered with plausible naivete, the woman is left with no one to accuse of rudeness, and her middle finger is stayed. Instead of outward rebellion at her devious suitor, she turns inward to wonder what he meant by “athletic boobs”, (to most women, the description evokes the image of tiny but firm titties), and in the turning inward she becomes invested in him and, ultimately, in his approval.
I hope now people are starting to get a feel for proper neggery. It doesn’t have to be complicated, although negging as an art form can require a high skill level. A simple disqualification — “It’s nice for a change to talk to a girl like she’s one of the guys” — is really all that you need to say to successfully pull off a neg and pique a girl’s curiosity about you.
It wouldn’t be CH if a sly postscript precision-engineered to get under combatants’ skins weren’t appended.
PS Despite the horrible negger in RD’s anecdote, you’ll note that she remembers him days later. A woman’s hate is far preferable to her indifference as an emotional medium through which you can insinuate your obscure charms. To put it curtly, no man ever banged a woman who didn’t know or care he existed, but plenty of men have banged women who started out with hate and disgust (but not boredom!) in their hearts. Of course, it’s ideal to begin the dance of symbolized copulation in the throes of genuine romantic ardor, but hate will do in a pinch.
PPS Better to err on the side of too much assholery than too little. If you can’t think of a good neg, dropping a bad neg is, most of the time, still better than talking about the weather. At least you’ve pinged her radar. Because hell hath no blowouts like a woman bored.