Toothbrush Game

There’s always a tense moment in the bright light of the morning after a stumbling late night hookup when the girl needs to use the bathroom and you feel a rush of anxiety as you wonder what personal items you have prominently displayed on your sink.  Eyebrow tweezers?  Check.  Five different facial scrubs and masks?  Check.  An old piece of used floss with bits of debris still on it that missed the garbage can?  Check.  And the state of cleanliness of your throne.  Did you leave the seat up providing her with a glorious panoramic view of your urine and pube encrusted toilet rim?

If you intend to fully embrace the role of skirt-chaser then keeping your bathroom in order and sparkling clean with potentially embarrassing personal effects hidden from sight will have to be a daily ritual.  Having a fresh spare toothbrush is one of those priorities.  A girl will receive your appendages into her womanhood but will balk at using your toothbrush.

Me:  There’s a toothbrush on the sink for you.
Her:  Why do you have a second toothbrush?
Me:  Umm… in case I drop mine in the toilet bowl.
Her:  Do you always stand over the toilet bowl when you’re brushing your teeth?
Me:  Yes, I pee and brush at the same time.  I like to multitask.
Her:  It’s frayed.
Me:  What?
Her:  The bristles are frayed.  Who else used this?
Me:  I probably did in the middle of the night.  It’s hard to tell which is which.
Her:  I can’t brush with this.
Me:  Look, if it bothers you that much use your finger.

There’s no way around the toothbrush conundrum except to have a new brush still in its original packaging ready to go for each girl.  I don’t want to run a dentist’s office or waste a toothbrush on the mouth of a one night stand, so they get a frayed brush now.  If they protest too much at least I know I’m dealing with an anal retentive freak.

Instead of pressing the matter she gamely ignored it.  That’s all girls really need — a ridiculous excuse so they can continue loving you.





Comments


  1. The answer to this “dilemma” is very simple. A toothbrush is not a big ticket item, people. Just buy 6-7 brand new toothbrushes and leave them in the packages in your bathroom. That’s what I do.

    Then, no one can accuse you of sleeping around, and you’re always prepared for any eventuality.

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  2. The answer to this “dilemma” is very simple. A toothbrush is not a big ticket item, people. Just buy 6-7 brand new toothbrushes and leave them in the packages in your bathroom. That’s what I do.
    Then, no one can accuse you of sleeping around, and you’re always prepared for any eventuality.

    I don’t follow your reasoning. Most people don’t keep more than one or two new toothbrushes around. If you’ve got six or seven of them it’ll look strange, and if the chick is at all smart she’ll figure out that you have so many toothbrushes because you have chix over all the time.

    Much better to have just one new toothbrush.

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  3. Even a humble toothbrush can offer a fine lesson 😉

    A big part of my “game” was screening out women for flaws I wouldn’t want in someone I’d marry. Should you be caught with a filthy bachelor bathroom, it’d be instructive to learn about your girl by her reaction:

    A. She’s grossed out and definitely lets you know this:
    Forget about her as a long-term prospect. Either she’s not that into you, or she’s a b**ch.

    B. Completely unfazed by your filth:
    Forget about her as a long-term prospect. She’s a slob.

    C. Tells you sweetly way that your apartment needs a woman’s touch, and asks you where the windex is:
    She’s a keeper.

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  4. Oh man, some girls are so obsessed about not using other people’s items… Once I had a girl check over the towel I gave her when she took a shower and she said “I think there’s some woman’s hair in it – has another girl used this?” I swear the towel was straight from the laundry.

    Note to players – another thing you want to have in your bathroom is contacts solution – just buy some even if you don’t use contacts. I learned this the hard way. A girl who once came to my place said she couldn’t stay because she was wearing contacts and had to put them in their plastic thingies for the night. She had the thingies, but no solution.

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  5. this all makes me very, very sad…if it’s all true
    escape! escape!

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  6. this all makes me very, very sad

    why?

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  7. because you’re sort of living a lie
    am i dead wrong?

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  8. Well, DUUH. You can always keep 6-7 around but packed away, and leave one out for the purpose.

    Jeez.

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  9. Hey Roissy, would you want to use someone’s nasty frayed old toothbrush? It’s not a girl thing; it’s a hygiene thing.

    Better solution: have a bottle of mouthwash handy. Every time I stayed over at a guy’s place without my own travel toothbrush handy, I’d grab the mouthwash. At least I know that hasn’t been used. Probably.

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  10. I have a maid so the cleanliness of my apartment is never a concern but girls can be really finicky about toothbrushes, even when its still in packaging. Agree with beth, most girls won’t have a problem using mouthwash which I always have on hand.

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  11. because you’re sort of living a lie

    big picture: is it a lie to be true to yourself?
    little picture: i don’t lie about dating around.

    am i dead wrong?

    do you want to be?

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  12. Note to players – another thing you want to have in your bathroom is contacts solution

    This is sooo true. More important than a toothbrush. I’ve never lost out from lack of a toothbrush, but evenings have twice been disrupted by lack of contact solution.

    Of course, if you don’t want them to sleep over, this is a possible solution too.

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  13. I don’t want to be wrong, but I can never say that I’m truly right.

    But I just have this feeling that you want something else.

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  14. You can wear contacts overnight or use water as a solution. More than likely the girl wanted an excuse to vamoose.

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  15. on November 5, 2007 at 7:40 pm Gunslingergregi

    Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your gonna get. Shit you only live once get the inustrial box full of toothbrushes, or the toothbrush/condom/contact solution dispenser in the bathroom for a conversation piece. Of course an Alpha would charge.

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  16. Keep extra toothbrushes, then tell the girl it’s for when you go out with the guys. Sometimes one of your buddies drinks too much and can’t drive, so you have him stay on the couch.

    PA: Woman’s touch? Windex? Bleah. No way do I clean the bathroom of a home I don’t actually live in.

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  17. Dredd, I had both hard contacts (rigid gas permeable, to be specific) and soft for several years apiece before getting lasik. I assure you that water is NOT to be used as a solution for either kind. And unless your contacts are the extended wear kind, you can’t wear them overnight either without paying for it the next day.

    If you’re truly going for that random-hookup-friendly bathroom, spend the $5 for a bottle of saline solution and put it next to the mouthwash!

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  18. Shannon, if the guy was truly special to you, you’d hopefully have a different attitude.

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  19. PA, you’re talking about a woman’s FIRST reaction to your filthy bathroom here, no? By the time that first visit to your place happens, there hasn’t been nearly enough time for a guy to demonstrate that he’s “truly special” to anyone. Unless she’s spending lots of time at your place too, it’s your filth, your job to clean it the hell up. Shannon, I’m with you.

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  20. “You can wear contacts overnight or use water as a solution. More than likely the girl wanted an excuse to vamoose.”

    No you can’t. Both solutions you proposed would be incredibly painful. However, if the girl really liked the guy, she’d just throw away the soft contact lenses and chalk it up to “oh well,” or she would ask to go to the store with him and get some supplies for that night. The first night I met my husband we went grocery shopping together, and it was actually very romantic.

    I have no problems using his toothbrush, and I like wearing his old shirts. But back when he lived in an apartment that he shared with his friend, their bathroom was literally the most disgusting non-public bathroom I’d ever seen in my life. We have a regular cleaning lady now, so all is good. Any time he does something nasty like roll naked around on the floor, I just make him take a shower.

    Then again, these aren’t one-night stands I’m talking about here, but long-term relationships. In fact, in a casual sex scenario, the cleanliness of the guy’s toothbrush would place second to thoughts of whether or not the guy had diseases on him, particularly of the genital region. Obviously, I’m not cut out for this kind of casual dating lifestyle.

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  21. Beth, it’s a matter of degree.

    There is the typical bachelor’s inattention to detail with which you’d expect some level of messiness, and then there is plain old disgusting slovenliness that casts unflattering light on the guy.

    If the guy might be someone special to you, you’ll probably react like I described in Post 3, item C. Your female strategy will be to show him that you are a giver, and to influence him with your own standards of cleanliness.

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  22. your filthy bathroom

    Mine’s not in play. I’m married and I like to keep my house clean to begin with.

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  23. Peter, I’m sorry I have to elaborate… was writing in shorthand… thought ppl would connect dots… 6-7 unopened toothbrushes isn’t a sign of promiscuity or cheating in most people’s minds, but just a person who likes to “stock up” for himself. At least that reasoning makes sense to me.

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  24. Plus, I don’t design my bathrooms around chicks. Not until I buy a house with one, and then only partly. If she has qualms about my extra toothbrushes, screw her! (not in that sense)

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  25. If a guy had an extra packaged toothbrush and offered it to me because he wanted me to stay the night, I would be totally impressed. I’d think he was well-prepared (“What a great host– he’s ready to accommodate overnight guests of any kind!”), generous (“What a nice guy– perfectly willing to give me a brand new toothbrush so that I’ll be more comfortable!”), and thoughtful (“Maybe he wants me to have a toothbrush there in case I come again!”). If he gives every girl the same treatment, I’d be none the wiser– and I bet I’d still appreciate that free toothbrush even if he didn’t call me again. Buy bulk at Costco, boys! It’s a win-win investment.

    On the other hand, if a guy nonchalantly offered me his (or someone elses– eek!) frayed toothbrush, I’d think he was rather disgusting. I’m there for his hot body, after all, not his old bits of food and plaque.

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  26. Poor Irina. Looks like you’re getting to her, man.

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  27. irina:
    But I just have this feeling that you want something else.

    only love can kill the demon.

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  28. Chaka…when the walls fell.

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  29. there is no toothbrush dilemma. 1) spare toothbrushes are for when you have family and friends come visit. and you love out of town visitors 2) why would someone who played tonsil hockey and swapped spit (among other things) with you hours ago protest over sharing a toothbrush? and 3) the anus has less bacteria than the mouth.

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  30. 2) why would someone who played tonsil hockey and swapped spit (among other things) with you hours ago protest over sharing a toothbrush?
    So I suppose that, for any guy to whom you’ve ever given a blowjob, you wouldn’t mind sucking the semen out of his underwear fabric after he jacks off?

    and 3) the anus has less bacteria than the mouth.
    I dare you to try a controlled experiment in which one group of people kisses X number of random people’s mouths and another group of people lick X number of random people’s asses, and see which group gets sicker.

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  31. “If the guy might be someone special to you, you’ll probably react like I described in Post 3, item C. Your female strategy will be to show him that you are a giver, and to influence him with your own standards of cleanliness.”

    Ew! No! No! No! Yuck, bleah, no way. Dream on. It is absolutely not my job to clean my boyfriend’s apartment. I’m not the maid, I’m not his servant, I’m definitely not his mommy. If I stayed there more often than once a week, I’d definitely pitch in, but no. He’s the host. I’m the guest. I don’t clean his place, he doesn’t clean mine. That sort of thing introduces a weird mommy dynamic into the relationship. I was married to a slob, and I will never again pick up after a man. Having one person clean up after the other poisons the relationship and fosters resentment. Each person should pitch in on the housework.

    Besides, I have never yet met a man who is “influenced by standards of cleanliness.” Usually, they just say, “Whoopee, somebody just cleaned my toilet,” then they forget all about it. Men just don’t work that way.

    My place is cleaner than his, his is neater than mine. Girls have clutter, boys have dirt. It’s the way of the world and not a huge deal.

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  32. “only love can kill the demon.”

    You also wrote, “i love being in love with a woman.” I’ve said many similar things: “I wish I was in love” and “I want to be in love again.” The initial rush is amazing and great, but my search for it was almost the entirety of why I could not be happy. When I finally began to understand this, I decided to marry my first love and boyfriend of 6 years. A long time ago, before I was old enough to know even what oral was, I read a quote that goes like this:

    “In her first love, a woman loves her lover. In all others, all she loves is love.”

    The feeling of being in love is, in sheer neurological processes, very similar to the high of drug addiction. Dopamine, the chemical strongly associated with new love, is also activated by cocaine and nicotine. Serotonin are also released from heroin and ecstasy. In many ways we (who are not currently experiencing the feeling of being in new love) are all like recovering drug addicts, yearning for that next high. However, even the feeling of being in love itself cannot, biologically speaking, last — half a year to 3 or 4 years at most.

    Attachment is what takes over after being in love, if a relationship is going to last. Oxytocin and vasopressin play roles in long-term relationships and help solidify those early bonds. However, these chemicals are not nearly as powerful and do not produce the same kind of excitement and euphoria that was there initially. It takes the frontal cortex to override the urge to go out seeking for more “in love” and the impulse to throw away a devoted companion for random dates.

    In many ways, it is very appropriate that you said you wanted love, rather than you wanted a woman. To seek love is the ultimate wild goose chase. Once, I clung onto the baggage and ghosts of my past desperately, wondering why they were bothering me so. Really, it was because I didn’t actually want to let go of those memories that haunted me. When I did, it became easy to forget the others that I fell in love with, to forget my pursuit of being in love, and to “settle” so to speak for the love that was in front of me all along.

    To quote a line from Sublime, whose lead singer Brad Nowell died from an overdose:

    “Love is short, so love the one ya got, ’cause you might run over or ya might get shot.”

    The ticking of the sands in the hourglass of life does not stop for anyone. Remember that.

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  33. on November 6, 2007 at 4:44 pm rhymenocerous

    Gah, I agree with TracyLord. If someone I had a one night thing with offered me a toothbrush, I would be weirded out. This means he is definitely too much of a player (I mean, really, spending money on TOOTHBRUSHES for one night stands? That’s another level of ridiculousness e.g. Quagmire from Family Guy). You just fucked the person, you don’t owe them anything, much less a toothbrush. A girl who demands/expects a toothbrush is crazy. Never call her again.

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  34. on November 8, 2007 at 12:49 am llittle friend

    How’s this:

    1) “Let me see if I have an extra toothbrush. . . . . Oh, you’re in luck.”) No weirder to have an extra unopened toothbrush for when you need it than to have an unopened soap bar, or an extra toothpaste tube.

    2) Contact solution is trickier if you don’t wear contacts. Have a travel-size bottle and a contact case. Say your brother/sister left them last time he/she stayed with you.

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  35. Little friend, I think Roissy forgot to mention that he only keeps gold and platinum toothbrushes in his bathroom, so to buy new ones he has to refinance his house.

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  36. I buy 99-cent cheapo toothbrushes at the local warehouse store in bulk. Never had a girl flinch when I pulled one out.

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