There’s always a tense moment in the bright light of the morning after a stumbling late night hookup when the girl needs to use the bathroom and you feel a rush of anxiety as you wonder what personal items you have prominently displayed on your sink. Eyebrow tweezers? Check. Five different facial scrubs and masks? Check. An old piece of used floss with bits of debris still on it that missed the garbage can? Check. And the state of cleanliness of your throne. Did you leave the seat up providing her with a glorious panoramic view of your urine and pube encrusted toilet rim?
If you intend to fully embrace the role of skirt-chaser then keeping your bathroom in order and sparkling clean with potentially embarrassing personal effects hidden from sight will have to be a daily ritual. Having a fresh spare toothbrush is one of those priorities. A girl will receive your appendages into her womanhood but will balk at using your toothbrush.
Me: There’s a toothbrush on the sink for you.
Her: Why do you have a second toothbrush?
Me: Umm… in case I drop mine in the toilet bowl.
Her: Do you always stand over the toilet bowl when you’re brushing your teeth?
Me: Yes, I pee and brush at the same time. I like to multitask.
Her: It’s frayed.
Her: The bristles are frayed. Who else used this?
Me: I probably did in the middle of the night. It’s hard to tell which is which.
Her: I can’t brush with this.
Me: Look, if it bothers you that much use your finger.
There’s no way around the toothbrush conundrum except to have a new brush still in its original packaging ready to go for each girl. I don’t want to run a dentist’s office or waste a toothbrush on the mouth of a one night stand, so they get a frayed brush now. If they protest too much at least I know I’m dealing with an anal retentive freak.
Instead of pressing the matter she gamely ignored it. That’s all girls really need — a ridiculous excuse so they can continue loving you.