Husbands Are Happy When Their Wives Are Happy (But Not The Reverse)

A new study finds that husbands’ happiness depends on their wives’ happiness.

The authors did not find a significant association between spouse’s marital appraisals and own well-being. However, the association between husband’s marital quality and life satisfaction is buoyed when his wife also reports a happy marriage, yet flattened when his wife reports low marital quality.

This isn’t the first study to discover a dependency on wife happiness for husband happiness, but not the reverse (i.e., wife happiness dependent on husband happiness).

Two internally derived psychological dynamics are at play here. First, what this study and others like it are picking up is the scarcity mentality that broadly afflicts the class of married men, who in their premarital lives would be known as provider beta males. Scarcity mentality refers to the instinctive and not altogether unjustified male perception that attractive women are hard to get and if you lose a woman you already have it’s a good bet you’ll spend lonely and aggravating years trying to replace her.

Men (non-NAM men at any rate) are wired to think this way because women are, in fact, the reproductively more valuable sex and thus the choosier sex. So when a man gets married, his happiness, as a consequence of his fear of losing his hard-won sexual outlet, ebbs and flows with his wife’s happiness. If wifey is unhappy or sexually distant, hubby’s visceral fear of incel goes into overdrive. His response, usually counterproductive, is to amp up his mate guarding.

Second, a wife’s happiness doesn’t depend on her husband’s happiness because wives, particularly younger wives with more sexual market options, don’t share the same fear of years of incel. Women have their own pressures and hurdles to overcome, (such as convincing a HSMV man to commit), but total sexual abandonment by the opposite sex is not usually one of them (unless she’s fat, ugly or old).

There is also the reality that unhappy husbands can still want and enjoy sex; unhappy wives… eh, not so much. Husbands who want to keep that twat train rolling have an incentive to maintain their wives’ happiness. Wives who want marital sex don’t necessarily need to keep their husbands happy.

What I’ve described is the influence of ancient biology. Today, we can add a third dynamic, one that is externally derived: Divorce theft. An unhappy husband won’t indirectly threaten a wife’s access to her resources or her children, but an unhappy wife can portend a near future of her husband’s bank account and assets slashed in half and time with his kids reduced more than that.

A case could be made that civilization is ascendent when wives try to increase the happiness of their husbands, and civilization is in decline when husbands fret over the happiness of their wives.


  1. “An unhappy husband won’t indirectly threaten a wife’s access to her resources or her children, but an unhappy wife can portend a near future of her husband’s bank account and assets slashed in half and time with his kids reduced more than that.”

    Listen to this shit unmarried guys, and take heed.


  2. […] Husbands Are Happy When Their Wives Are Happy (But Not The Reverse) […]


    • on October 31, 2014 at 9:43 am Great Books For Men GreatBooksForMen GBFM (TM) GB4M (TM) GR8BOOKS4MEN (TM) lzozozozozlzo (TM)


      The GAmeyzlzlzo Church of Vox & Dalrock Expels Jesus & Moses and Preaches that Fornicating With Over 20 Women is “Good for you”: An Open Letter to Dalrock & Vox & Rollo TomASSi from GBFM Reader An Athlete Dying Young.

      The stalwart Earl, whom Dalorkc and other lesser menz has often attacked, points out the hilarious irony of Vox’s definition of Churchian Alpha–fornicating with more than 20 womena fuckinzgzlzlo more dan 20 women lzzozozz just as the Dalrockain Voxian Jesus COMMANDED in da church of Dalrock Vox wherein fucicjing forniciatingz over 20 womenz is good for your soul and spiritz!

      You can’t make this stuff up folks:

      Vox ALPHA GAME of the dalrockas church of GAME writes in ALPHA IS GOOD FOR YOU that FORNICATINGZ with LOTSA 20 WOEMENS IS GOOD FOR YU Lzzooozoz:

      Alpha is good for you

      It should be interesting to see the various heads exploding if this study is successfully replicated:

      Sleeping with more than 20 women protects men against prostate cancer, a study has suggested. Men who had slept with more than 20 women lowered their risk of developing cancer by almost one third, and were 19 per cent less likely to develop the most aggressive form…. But when asked whether public health authorities should recommend men to sleep with many women in their lives Dr Parent added: “We’re not there yet.”


      Is the answer to marriages decline to be found in the Great Books for Men and the Bible? No, says Vox. Just fuck 20 women–many of whom could have been other men’s future wives, until the church of Voxian/Dalrockianz/TomASSian fufcked them alzlozolzlzlzlz. Tomassi gloats about his notch count/ IT is nowhere near as high as da GBFM’s, but the thing is, da GBFM is not proud about it at all. What made Jesus great, after all, was not how many women he fornicated wiht, but rather his exalted, MANLY IDEALS of da HIGHER EPIC SOULZ.

      NEwton supposedly did not have a high notch count, and thus in the church of Dalrocakksz Voxassa, Calculus and Physics & Sir ISaac Bewton are seen as unmanly pursuits for sisisieieis sisssiieislz lzzozzlozoz oomzzg zlzlzo, while fornainctaingz with 20+ womenz is what makes the dalrockian jesus proudz zlzzozozolz

      The astute “An Athlete Dying Young 10.31.14 / 5am” writes:

      I thought this was particularly rich:

      Vox: I am a Christian. If you want my absolute core advice, it is this: Fear God. (lzlzoozlzzlzozlzozlozz)

      So, if we are to absolutely fear God, how are we to interpret the following in light of the prevailing morality of their corner of the manosphere:

      27“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; 28but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29“If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30“If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.

      Or this:

      34But when the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered themselves together. 35One of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, 36“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37And He said to him, “ ‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’ 38“This is the great and foremost commandment. 39“The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ 40“On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”

      I could go on, but given the hour I will just quote a little Cicero and leave it at that:

      “Virtute enim ipsa non tam multi praediti esse quam videri volunt” (Few are those who wish to be endowed with virtue rather than to seem so).

      May God have mercy on us all.



    • on October 31, 2014 at 9:52 am Great Books For Men GreatBooksForMen GBFM (TM) GB4M (TM) GR8BOOKS4MEN (TM) lzozozozozlzo (TM)

      Time and again, the great Heartsietestz agrees with the Genesis and Bible and Law of Moses and Jesus which Dalrock and Vox mock and crucify over and anon.

      Heartiste writes: “A case could be made that civilization is ascendent when wives try to increase the happiness of their husbands, and civilization is in decline when husbands fret over the happiness of their wives.”

      Our ancient forefathers who built Civilization recognized this and wrote:

      The Punishment of Mankind
      16 Unto the woman God said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

      17And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

      Because Adam listened to his wife over God–because he was more concerned with making her happy than serving God, he was punished by God.

      This is the diametric opposite of what Dalrock & Vox teach–that one must learn to serve a womansz butt and gina tinzgzlzlzolzoozzl over god so as to become a “happily married father.”


      If you want a generation of “happily married fathers,” simply return the the Law of Moses to our schools, churches and court systems–the Law of Moses which Dalrock et al. catsigate and impugn as they teach that Jesus came to Abolish the Law of Moses, whence, in the Bible, Jesus states the exact opposite.

      lzozoozozolzozolz HAPY HALLOWEENZ!!!



    • on October 31, 2014 at 10:17 am Great Books For Men GreatBooksForMen GBFM (TM) GB4M (TM) GR8BOOKS4MEN (TM) lzozozozozlzo (TM)

      GBFM MAXIM #3214: Your wife is maximally happy when da GBFM’s cockas squirts happy spllogeggeiziziz on her face lzlzlzlzomzgzzlzlozo


      • on October 31, 2014 at 2:31 pm Great Books For Men GreatBooksForMen GBFM (TM) GB4M (TM) GR8BOOKS4MEN (TM) lzozozozozlzo (TM)

        when all da womenz are hoes
        better be da pimp
        instead of da chimp

        dis has been a GBFM haiku
        celebrationsz of ancient japanese artfrom
        dating back to da era when
        was discoverezlzlzlozozooozozozo


      • on October 31, 2014 at 3:20 pm Great Books For Men GreatBooksForMen GBFM (TM) GB4M (TM) GR8BOOKS4MEN (TM) lzozozozozlzo (TM)

        lotsa cockas 4 d aladiez!



    • on October 31, 2014 at 10:35 am Great Books For Men GreatBooksForMen GBFM (TM) GB4M (TM) GR8BOOKS4MEN (TM) lzozozozozlzo (TM)

      Bring Back Prima Noctes! Braveheart: “Grant them prima noctes. First night, when any common girl inhabiting their lands is married, our nobles shall have sexual rights to her on the night of her wedding.” lolzlz!

      “Longshanks (Dalrock/Vox/RollotomASSi): Nobles. Nobles (Dalrock/Vox/RollotomASSi) are the key to the door of Scotland. Grant our nobles lands in the north. Give their nobles (Dalrock/Vox/RollotomASSi) estates here in England, and make them too greedy to oppose us.
      Advisor: But sire, our nobles will be reluctant to uproot. New lands mean new taxes, and they are already taxed for the war in France.
      Longshanks: Are they? Are they? The trouble with Scotland is that it’s full of Scots (90% betas according to Rollo TomASSI). Perhaps the time has come to reinstitute an old custom. Grant them prima noctes. First night, when any common girl inhabiting their lands is married, our nobles (Dalrock/Vox/RollotomASSi) shall have sexual rights to her on the night of her wedding. If we can’t get them out, we breed them out. That should fetch just the kind of lords we want to Scotland, taxes or no taxes.
      Advisor: A most excellent idea, sire.
      Longshanks: Is it? “

      –From Braveheart

      I wish they would bring Prima Noctes back!!

      Imagine just one other man having rights to your wife, for one night, before you got her.

      That would rock!!

      Today the master fiat class gives the first rights of your wife to an endless array of douchetards (Dalrock/Vox/RollotomASSi), starting in elementary school, commanding her to see lying, peacocking, manipulative, girly beta males as alphas, while seeing manly alphas as betas; as her mother exiled her true father long ago, under command of the fiat masters.

      From an early age they teach her that her ginatingles rule the world, not Jesus, nor Thor, nor Zeus, nor Moses. When she gets knocked up, they reward her with fiat dollars which Ben Benanke hand delivers in his helicopter.

      Today, when she kisses those kids and sends them off to school, she leaves traces of dozens of other men on their cheeks.

      Make no mistake–she is working for the Fed, and if you question any of this she will take your children away and the feminist police will search your home to determine how many assets of yours she will get. For again, all the Fed can do is create debt, and to convert this debt into physical wealth, they need men, like you, to work and labor for it. lozlzlzl!

      You know you tasted it when you kissed her a couple times on those early dates–that salty prima nocta form those who violated her orfices a few minutes before. And now she pwns u, the kids, and the home! And you have to pay 4 ur own cuckolding!!



    • As Heartiste and the venerable GBFM have noted on many occasions, this was common knowledge to any man with a Classical education all throughout the history of western civilization.

      The current societal decay is a perfect storm, but at its heart lies the corruption of the educational system. The Classic are no longer taught and dissected upon their merit, but through a post-modernist lens which distorts and pollutes their key insights.

      I foresee the rise of a shadow educational system which refocuses on the wisdom of the Classics, while the government education system falls ever further into post-modernist hell.


  3. Sounds like this one falls under the general subject of “men (not women) are the romantics.”

    It would be nice if somebody collected and organized all these thoughts into a kind of catechism / introduction.


    • on October 31, 2014 at 10:01 am Shortest Straw

      Men and not women are the romantics – of course! Women want something tangible from the pair bond: the provision of resources. Men want something intangible: fidelity.

      Tangible goals = Pragmatism
      Intangible goals = Romanticism


      • Not quite. Have you thought about where romance comes from? It is about, as one researcher put it, “raising the cost of sex”. Women instinctively want men to do things for them that show they are willing to invest time and effort. Which is an indicator that they will stick around even after the sex, to care for the children. Bring her a slain deer, string a lute below her balcony, go to the movies or take her to see his friends, same thing. Men want to quickly get down to business, as it were. Women are the ones who instinctively want romance, and men are forced to adapt to that.


      • @ Arbiter

        you are right on the money with this.

        women are just as romantic as men. they just need love and devotion expressed in a different way than men do.

        women instinctively know that men can desire them without loving them so if a man is giving her more than sex ie: time, security, provisions, etc. she will see that as an expression of his love and devotion. if he isn’t giving her those things, she knows he isn’t invested in her or in love. simple as that.

        it’s not that women are only concerned with what they can get from a man ie: time, money, resources. it’s about wanting an expression of love and devotion and that’s how most men show it.

        for men it’s the opposite. we all know women can use men for security, provisions, etc. so that’s why we need sexual/physical proof of their love and devotion.

        men and women have opposite ways of expressing and receiving love. neither one is wrong or less romantic than the other. difficult to understand sometimes but it actually makes total sense.


      • There’s another school of thought which holds that [at least some] women can NEVER be happy: If you get to $100K in net worth, then she wants you to be worth $1M, and if you get to $1M, then she wants you to get to $1B, and if you get to $1B, then you discover that – surprise! – she was actually a gold-digging whore all along and she’s been fucking her tennis instructor every Tuesday afternoon for the last 15 years.


      • In fairness to women, it’s possible that Jehovah programmed [at least some of] them to be nasty hateful nit-picking backseat-driving old nags precisely so as to provide a biological “negative feedback loop” to their husbands, so that those husbands wouldn’t get lazy and start coasting on their laurels or start believing their own press clippings.


      • Final Zombie Pearl of Wisdom 4 da Boyz: If you want a young woman to be happy, then give her lots and lots of children, and if you want an old woman to be happy, then teach your sons [cough GAME cough] how to give her lots and lots of grandchildren.


      • Unfortunately, cough game cough seems to usually be used to pump and dump chicks, not put buns in their ovens.


      • on October 31, 2014 at 4:36 pm Carlos Danger

        In fairness to women, it’s possible that Jehovah programmed [at least some of] them to be nasty hateful nit-picking backseat-driving old nags precisely so as to provide a biological “negative feedback loop” to their husbands, so that those husbands wouldn’t get lazy and start coasting on their laurels or start believing their own press clippings.

        This explains a great deal about your arch nemesis who, out of kindness to the readers, shall remain unnamed.


      • > “your arch nemesis”

        I didn’t know that jewesses were allowed to masturbate in synagogues. Huh. Learn something new every day.


      • arbiter is right. women are not anxious to receive a man’s time, provisions, security, etc. ONLY because they lack the ability to be romantic or feel love. they want those things because they are a true indication of a man’s love and investment. women know that men will have sex with them even if they are not emotionally invested. so it’s a way for them to assess a man’s commitment to her. if she isn’t getting any of those things she knows she’s just a fuck buddy.

        for us it’s the other way around. we know there are women who will use us for dates, security or companionship but when they don’t put out, we know the love and emotional investment isn’t there.


    • Not quite. The reasons are different, as CH explains. Don’t just read the headline before you hurry to be the first to post. I’m not saying that in a snarky way, by the way. I know a lot of people find an allure in being the first poster and see their post at the top, and I understand, okay, so be it. But resist.


      • That was in reply to Shortest Straw, by the way.


      • on October 31, 2014 at 1:57 pm Shortest Straw

        The “romancing” that women demand (e.g. flowers, chocolate) is different from the romantic thinking that each gender engages in.

        Men idealize women more than women idealize men. Women are pragmatic about what they want, while men dream of purity.


      • on October 31, 2014 at 2:04 pm Shortest Straw

        By the way, I don’t have to agree with CH’s hypotheses about the primary causes. I’m thinking about it from a different, simpler angle.

        Ultimately it all has to fit together. There are not single explanations for just about anything to do with human genders, but all the different causes ultimately have to fit.


      • ‘The “romancing” that women demand… I’m thinking about it from a different, simpler angle…’

        Lately I have found that it helps enormously to adopt the classical point of view which was held by the Greeks and Romans: That fertility is fundamentally a MALE attribute [and responsibility] which is foisted by the male upon the woman. In particular, ponder the ancient Greek creation story, which posits an initial feminine state of Chaos [female insanity] which had to be tamed by Eros [male purposefulness] so as to give birth to the Greek race.


      • Another ancient tenant which seems diametrically opposed to the modern point of view is that the Harvest is male in nature [the God Saturn or Cronus] whereas the Hunt is female in nature [the Goddess Diana or Artemis].

        Maybe part and parcel of the idea that Chaos [the feminine] demanded she be hunted down and that Eros [the masculine] was responsible for plowing, seeding, and harvesting the fruit of her womb?

        Or, as Rush Limbaugh is fond of saying, the boy chases the girl until she catches him?


      • tenant = tenet


      • Will Durant amused himself with the notion that women discovered agriculture while waiting for the hunters to return, which strikes me as a dissonant note of matriarchalist romanticism in what is otherwise a pretty hardnosed view of the origins of civilization.

        He did have sense enough, though, to recognize that men made agriculture an organized Big Deal of a thing.

        Heck, maybe women did accidentally discover agriculture. But it would still make sense, then, for an especially enterprising bunch like the Greeks to appropriate its mythic resonance on behalf of male adventure and conceptual power.


      • @ Zombie:
        Speaking of hunting, that point is illuminated in the book “anatomy of female power”. The female is preying for males by luring them in with sex and other nice things and when the male is hooked (drunk in love) she demands commitment and starts to extract as many resources as possible.


      • Right. And it helps so much to adopt the Greco-Roman point of view in all of this: The woman is by her very nature INSANE [Chaos], and after he has accepted the challenge of the hunt [Diana], it is the man’s role to capture her, corral her, tame her, plow & seed her [Eros], and harvest her [Saturn] nine months later.


      • And from the Greco-Roman point of view, inviting a woman into your home is like capturing a wolf and training it to become a domesticated chihuahua: By its very nature, the wolf-bitch will be overwhelmed by the desire to heed The Call of the Wild, but the wolf-bitch’s human master must make it abundantly clear to her that the she will NEVER AGAIN be allowed to run with the pack.


    • Of course. It was men who invented romantic love during Middle Ages in Provence & parts of Germany (troubadours, Minne). Men wrote the best lyric love poetry from Petrarch to Rilke. Women are,…eh..a “pragmatic sex”.


      • Romantic love is an invention from the tribes of the Arabian Desert, possibly a worse gift to humanity than Islam.


    • The FI strikes back at themselves, unbelievable! But it’s what has been on my mind for a long time. One day women will get fed up with pc, feminism, mass immigration and such and just shut it down or we’ll be going down.

      Feminism was installed for the sole purpose of “divide and conquer”. It is supposed to drive white men and women apart and destroy the family, which is the most important pillar of our society. Additionally it’s ment to keep people occupied to not notice other more important changes that have been going on.


      • on October 31, 2014 at 3:16 pm mendozatorres



      • It is supposed to drive white men and women apart and destroy the family, which is the most important pillar of our society.

        No its not. Its just a giant shit test, like racism is for blacks.

        Get over yourselves; you’re not that important.


      • Don’t be stupid thwack, I’m not being rayciss here. look at your brothers, it also happened to you just a couple of years ago. See the chaos that was purposefully created. The same is about to happen with us.


  4. LTR was unhappy last night. I was stumbling as I misread the situation; I thought back to CH and realized I was pushing when I needed to be pulling. So I changed it up, softened, drew her in, and when the time was right, reversed it with something like “you’re right, I could go out there and have sex with any other woman, but I enjoy your company” or something like that. She replied, “I don’t think you could have sex with ANY other woman. I mean, there’s got to be some women out there who will turn you down.”

    Bingo. From that point forward she was happy again, and we were fine.

    I like seeing her happy. But I’ve learned (finally) that what makes a man happy is entirely different from what makes a woman happy.


    • Talking about having options is nowhere near as effective as demonstrating it. In fact, talking about it usually suggests you don’t have ’em.


      • That’s true. I haven’t found it necessary to display anything like that yet. I’ve found relationship-game to be much more difficult that quick-sex-game, and I’ve found the difference to be thus: I need to “pull” more while maintaining the “push”. No “push” equals beta-schmo. No “pull” and her feels get hurt.


      • @Heywood Yes. I have a story connected to this. I asked my crazy ex gf “Should I be fucking other girls?” When she wouldn’t put out. Big mistake. It only communicated that I cared enough to voice this concern. A better would have been to say “ok” and roll over and go to sleep so some such.

        A girl I banged last week today said “next time” when after drinks I invited her over. “There may not be a next time….” was a far more appropriate response. She laughed….I shrugged and turned away.

        This study shows that without options a man becomes “co-dependent” on a woman’s behavior for his own state of mind. I’ve lived a lot of my life like this and it is horrible. You always fear being judged by someone…even if it’s someone you don’t respect.


      • @greginaurora: “…and her feels get hurt”



      • I would say it’s not more’difficult’. But its more like the 4th quarter and you gotta be on your A game cause the other team is the underdog trying to pick you apart.

        Is that the wrong mentality? What do you guys think


    • Eh. I like seeing my wife happy but have gotten to a point where I’m not unhappy if she’s bitching and moaning about something. Push-Pull. The more unhaaaapy she acts, the more I show I don’t give a shit, usually with laughter or just walking off or ignoring her. Sometimes it’s a little frosty but she generally behaves herself.

      Happy Wife, Happy Life is bullshit.


    • on October 31, 2014 at 5:28 pm Modern Primitive

      My LTR was giving me shit and being angry with me of something small. I turned my back and threw my hands up in the air in a mocking way. She said “I SAW THAT.” Instead of saying sorry or backpedalling, I replied “I Know you did.” With that I walked away and did yard work for 2 hours without talking to her or acknowledging her presence.

      I wanted to tell her what a bitch she was being, but at the back of my mind was one of heartiste’s maxims. Be an oak tree, weather her emotional storm. So I said nothing and ignored her.

      3 Hours later, after not even acknowledging her presence, she comes out with some ice cold soft drink and apologises for being a bitch.

      I knew game principles worked in theory, but to have them demonstrated so clearly in the context of an LTR where my natural reaction would have been to double down beta to try and make her happy kinda blew my mind a bit.


  5. Happy man, happy land.


  6. on October 31, 2014 at 9:56 am Shortest Straw

    Here’s an explanation. All very hypothetical, of course, and the real situation is much more complex. But the question is why the interest in spouse happiness is asymmetrical. The root cause is what each gender wants most out of the pair bond.

    The woman wants security out of the pair bond. She wants food, shelter, protection. Her concern about this extends to the future. The best indicator of whether he will provide those things tomorrow is whether he provided them today. His happiness is not a strong indicator of his future willingness to do so. The pair bond simply isn’t all that important to him. Because it is relatively less important, his satisfaction with it is read more easily through direct indicators, like provision of resources, than emotional state.

    The man wants fidelity out of the pair bond. There are many indicators of infidelity, but happiness is a strong one. If she is unhappy it is an indication that she may be inclined to infidelity – she is signaling that the pair bond is not that important to her, so she is more likely to risk it through temporary infidelity. The pair bond is very important to her, so if it is unsatisfactory, she will manifest it through emotions. After all, she doesn’t have the provision of resources as a signal of her satisfaction.


    • I disagree. I think women are looking for excitement more than they are anything else, or rather they’re made happy by things that arouse their emotions. Women will throw marriages away while staring poverty in the face if they think it will be “fun”.


    • The woman wants security out of the pair bond. She wants food, shelter, protection. Her concern about this extends to the future. The best indicator of whether he will provide those things tomorrow is whether he provided them today.

      This is true. But it is incorrect to assume that only the man, not the woman, wants fidelity. Fidelity is very important for the woman as well. She needs the marriage to work – and of course, this ultimately comes from an instinct to provide for the offspring.


  7. on October 31, 2014 at 10:06 am Laguna Beach Fogey

    This would explain the fear and ‘eager beaver’ behavior observed in married beta male providers.

    Modern marriage doesn’t make any sense for many (if not most) men.


  8. My wife was happy banging another man. I was not happy. This theory is fucking b.s


    • It’s not a theory, it is an observation of MANY people, not just one couple. It can be different in one case, such as in your case. But one case does not reality make. People are too solipsistic, bringing up anecdotal evidence – “But I know someone who….” – and using that as the basis for their view of a topic. Ignoring thousands of other examples. That’s what stops people from learning, and so we have constant political disagreements because a lot of people just stick to the view they got from the first cases they saw. What’s within their narrow view is their universe. Lift your eyes.


    • I think it could be said she was not happy with you and you were clearly not happy as a result.


  9. This study (science to determine why people behave the way they do? Jablome just had a heart attack) makes me think of the earlier study that shows a husband’s marriage satisfaction is tied to the wife staying slim, but the wife’s marriage satisfaction is not tied to the husband staying slim. Is there a common theme in the two?

    It is an odd finding. I would have assumed that both spouses would have an interest in the other being happy. But if this is the way it is, then CH’s explanations seem to be the answer, as far as I can see. The man has to worry about the wife leaving him in incel, but the wife doesn’t have the same concern. The man also needs to keep the sex flowing, which it only does when the wife is happy.

    I would think that this study would not have yielded the same result in the past. Before alimony and before today’s culture. In the past a woman would have a lot stronger incentives to keep a man happy, because of her finances and because tradition said she should. Period. And divorce was shameful. Marriage was not just another thing, marriage was the foundation of adult life.

    Think of old movies – the women all want to get married. The movies don’t just end with two people starting a relationship, they end with a marriage proposal.


  10. Husbands are happy when …


  11. on October 31, 2014 at 10:59 am DoublePlusGood

    Some of these posts make a part of my brain shout “Eureka!” While sitting in a bath. I shit you not.


  12. Pish posh on This study. Reality is you can never seek to make your wife happy by meeting some need she expresses or you think she does. Women are like clouds always changing with hormones and emotion. Untroubled by logic or consistency of thought and action.

    What women want is to be led by dynamic passionate authentic men…. Men with options.

    Why is a wife will slave till past midnight on her bosses b.s. report but be too tired for sex with her supplicant husband on any given night at pm?

    Because women need to be led. To submit. To qualify. To feel the thrum of dread always in the background. This is what makes them truly happy. But this will never come out of any of these kinds of studies. Happy wife happy life is bullshit if you are asking her what she wants to be happy.

    Be a dynamic, passionate and authentic man and lead the relationship and her happiness will take care of itself.

    And have her make you a sandwich. Her happiness depends on it!


    • What women want is to be led by dynamic passionate authentic men…. Men with options.

      Why is a wife will slave till past midnight on her bosses b.s. report but be too tired for sex with her supplicant husband on any given night at pm?
      Both men & women are, frequently, scared creatures when it comes to authority, especially at work.
      And while most women want to be led, many simply don’t. Not only fat lesbians, but also Marie Curie (on a lower level, of course) types.


    • all good advice– but they’re not so much clouds. (most) women are more like black holes. and once you allow yourself to try to be the guy to fill it, your universe will implode. you gotta keep enough distance to not get sucked in, or she’ll swallow you whole, galactus style, and be hungry for more.


      • Maybe Bob Dylan had the answer: “I wanna be your lover, I don’t wanna be your boss. Don’t say I never warned you when train train gets lost.


      • right on about the black hole part. some women are never happy and you can’t get involved in trying to make them happy or it will kill you.

        i had one ex who was that way. never any good friends or hobbies so she wanted me to be the center of her universe. i finally had to break it off when she decided to go back to school…again. we were finally paying off the debt she racked up for school and she got a good paying job but it wasn’t enough. she wasn’t satisfied with that. she said she needed more school.

        the truth is, she was lazy about life and didn’t want to grow up. never held onto a decent job for long and being a student was easier than working. she knew she could keep depending on me instead of taking care of herself or her kids.
        i stayed longer than i should have always thinking she’d finally get it together once she finally finished…something.

        but she’ll always have an excuse to be miserable and will need something else to satisfy her. she thinks more school will make her happy. a different job will make her happy. moving will make her happy but nothing will make her happy.

        she’s a bottomless pit who will never be happy because she thinks happiness comes from other people or jobs or school. she doesn’t get that happiness comes from within and it’s all about having a positive attitude and being grateful for what you have. depressing girl. glad to be rid of her. didn’t even realize how much she was bringing me down until i finally left her.


    • on November 2, 2014 at 5:06 am Mean Mr. Mustard

      Comparing a woman’s boss to her husband is nonsensical unless she has the option of quitting her job because she is “unhappy” with it; finding another job relatively easily with no need of a resume of her prior experience/skills and references, while still being able to draw a part salary or big payout from the first bosses company regardless of her reasons for quitting.


  13. I’m rather skeptical re this study. Perhaps there is some truth in it, but we all know that wives are frequently unhappy if their husbands are. It’s a matter of common sense and life experiences, as well as numerous socio-psychological studies.


  14. The odd dynamic in all of this is that the way to keep your wife happy is to fancy her, while simultaneously conveying you don’t particularly need her. Which in large part means focusing on what makes you happy, while occasionally and unpredictably making some gesture that demonstrates she is important.


    • yeah they really are like some cats that way. no interest in coming at them directly, but as soon as you’ve got some work going they’re walking on your keyboard.

      i don’t personally think we were ever meant to live in such close quarters. i don’t think evolutionarily it probably happened much that you spent hours indoors together, you worked to survive and if you had food and energy you put one in her at night. that’s about the extent of what i can handle.


      • on October 31, 2014 at 5:48 pm Modern Primitive

        “i don’t personally think we were ever meant to live in such close quarters”

        Not only that, but imagine if you will, back in the caveman days one of your concubines is giving you shit and your Bro’s concubines is giving him shit.

        Do you:

        A) Mope around the cave cleaning the bones off the floor trying to please the PMSing bitch, or

        B) Say “Fuck that, Ugtangia,” walk out of the cave with your Bro and go hunt wildebeast for a few hours.

        I think a lot of modern malaise is caused by men being taught to please their wives when they’re bitchy instead of just walking the fuck out of the house with no explanation and doing your own stuff for a few hours.


      • ” i don’t think evolutionarily it probably happened much that you spent hours indoors together, you worked to survive and if you had food and energy you put one in her at night. that’s about the extent of what i can handle.”

        you’re right. fortunately that’s how most of us still live. do you work together or something?

        i work all day. she works all day. we have hobbies and friends. i only have to see her for a couple hours a night…at most. you’re doing something wrong or you’re with the wrong girl if you’re spending hours indoors with her every day. i don’t think anyone could handle that.


  15. A caveat you touched on but didn’t actually mention: when a woman perceives her husband as being a difficult man to lock down and one of far higher value than any previous partner or other men she encounters day-to-day, she will start finding her happiness dependent on his. That is the very premise dread game relies on. In other words, when a man is actually very high quality or when he uses dread game, his wife is more likely to become anxious or sad when he appears unhappy and to be content when he appears at ease, even if she isn’t consciously aware of his emotional state or her own response to it. Of course, apart from in a few select men this wouldn’t reverse the dynamics: he would still be made happy when she is and unhappy whenever she’s unhappy. But making happiness feedbacks reciprocal is a lot better than fretting over whether your partner is about to get angry/walk out/kill you.


    • on October 31, 2014 at 4:22 pm Carlos Danger

      But making happiness feedbacks reciprocal is a lot better than fretting over whether your partner is about to get angry/walk out/kill you.

      Most American women don’t get this. They don’t teach it on television. Most Slavonic women do, in fact they seem to grasp it instinctively. Gib Acht Arbiter; es wurde dir Gut tun diese herrvoragende (trotz Untermenschlichkeit) Frauen nicht zu uebersehen.


    • on November 1, 2014 at 8:21 am Shortest Straw

      Good point! This illustrates the asymmetry further, though. In this case the wife is alerted by his communicating inclination to abandon her. So she doesn’t seek his happiness but rather his lack of unhappiness: contentment.


      • True. The only way a woman with no internal incentive can work towards her man’s happiness is likely for him to fake a dichotomy: “Either I’m over the moon with you, or you’re gone.” But then, if she wasn’t inclined to please him anyway, this could lead to stress and resentment as she works overtime to make him stick around. Maybe until eventually she doesn’t feel he’s worth it any more. Some couples just aren’t meant to be.


  16. Good to see the original author writing again…


  17. There is but one word of four letters that is the key to all happiness…

    Go to it, boys….


  18. Ex wife is now making some other suckers life miserable. And her choices are so few, she had to take a guy who only makes 1/3 of what I make, and 1/2 of what she makes. At the end of the day, only my happiness matters, and to the younger men of today, dont ever marry them and dont have kids, unless you are the one staying home. “Sauce for the goose Mr. Savik, the odds will be even,” -Spock


  19. Never ever never get married. Period. And if you do, when the B divorces thee, at least mutilate for all to see…

    Acid wash rape!


  20. Very interesting.



    “There is the DC Bob. In the bars and restaurants of Washington, a man weary of an incompetent affirmative-action hire in his office will, before commenting to a friend, lean forward, lower his voice, and look furtively over both shoulders to see whether anyone might overhear: The DC Bob. People don’t even know that they are doing this.

    Defensive behavior by whites has become nearly universal. A sort of Masonic recognition-ritual occurs among white people recently introduced in social gatherings. Is the other person, for want of better terms, a liberal or a realist? Dare one speak? One of them will say something mildly skeptical about, say, Jesse Jackson. The other rolls his eyes in shared disgust. The secret handshake.”

    The people who won the Cold War now live like East Germans.


    • on October 31, 2014 at 1:14 pm The Spirit Within

      Black people do it too, biiiiiiiiiiiitch.


    • It’s reached the point where, in the right public setting, I loudly, provocatively make politically incorrect remarks. It embarrasses my gf, but I love a challenge, and a confrontation.


      • I do feel like we’ve reached certain points of exhaustion, where white men, in certain public settings, can release some well-deserved comments about blacks and women. Gays are still verboten, but the other two are not.

        Example: “What, an Ebola crisis? This is what happens when you put a black guy in charge; the whole place becomes a 3rd-world nation.”

        The other day I got a good zinger in at a poker table, when the topic was Bush 43:
        Other guy (clearly an old hippie): “Ya know, I never thought he was all that presidential to begin with.”
        Me: “Yeah, but at least we had a president then.”


        It’s also a good time to dust off those old jokes that apply to any president:
        Ya know, doctors used to ask concussion-sufferers who the president was, but now that just depresses people.

        Old joke rape!


      • It’s reached the point where, in the right public setting, I loudly, provocatively make politically incorrect remarks.

        Does anyone ever actually challenge you? I have yet to get an ‘Excuse me!’ for any politically incorrect thing said in public. It’s somewhat sad.


      • This is great! Yea, have any confrontations developed and how did you handle them?


    • on October 31, 2014 at 4:15 pm Carlos Danger

      The people who won the Cold War now live like East Germans.

      The same crowd is/was in charge in both places.


  22. It’s not called divorce theft, it’s called divorce rape. Use the correct word for the situation.


  23. A girl I am seeing she is very pleasant in person and also seems to enjoy my company. But I can’t get hold of her. She often doesn’t pick up her phone or return texts. I haven’t seen physical with her yet. What do you guys think? Time to cut her loose? wait and see approach?

    [CH: where there’s doubt, there’s no doubt. cut her loose. and by cut her loose, i mean stop chasing her exclusively. widen your net and let this one particular girl come to you seeking your approval.]


  24. So little update on the previous challenges I had with the chick from Texas. Met at a convention and was cockblocked by my really good looking “friend”. Almost got the bang but no cigar. HABD and Walawala gave me some really good advice on how to be more alpha with specific steps. And Trav777 mentioned on how to game my so called friend. That always helps. So like I was saying she went back to her hometown but she visits here frequently. And we left it open agreeing to stay in touch when she comes to town.

    Well I have waited a couple of weeks and want to reengage to maintain a little contact. Nothing too heavy just keep in touch so we can make plans. So far not so good though. I texted her couple of days ago and this is what has happened so far.

    Me: Hey there this is that sexy man from ____. (trying to open with something flirty.)
    (almost exactly 24 hours later)
    Her: Hey there! HRU?
    (I waited about 12 hours)
    Me: Young did with a dream…just got off the driving range…what are you up to? (trying to get her to engage)

    Its been two days and no response. I know the goal is to get her to chase me. But I am not getting there. What would you guys recommend? I know that my texts aren’t the best but that’s all I have. I cannot just create witty banter out of nothing. Especially when she is giving me nothing. Is this a case of just cut my losses and move on?

    Or should I just tell her to contact me when she comes out? Or my natural friend said he is a big fan of confrontation. And said to just send a humorous text like “you are breaking up with me already?” I didn’t like that one. Or maybe just ask to set up a meeting date and time. What would you guys do?


  25. “Women are grass, born to be stepped on.”

    Chinese are the true romantics.


    • “Women are grass, born to be stepped on.”


      i like to hit her for no reason and now i’ll add knocking her down and stepping on her to the list.

      just thought of the mud wrestling scene in stripes. francis yells “beat the shit out of her, ox”. he’s not joking.

      domestic violence is an underrated and underused tool.


      • on October 31, 2014 at 3:20 pm mendozatorres

        No More it was an accident
        No More it was just one time
        No More she was hysterical…haha

        HAHA…we gotta come up with one where all of us are

        No More will I wait for her to get a career
        No More will I take the beta role
        No More will I deal with feminist bullshit!

        No More!

        (And though this was on the last thread, talk about hitting a wall, that damn Mariska Hargitay hit like five walls as of lately. Her and Debra Messing…although Messing looks like she’s been hitting the sauce awfully hard!) No more of their wall-ridden mugs!


      • on October 31, 2014 at 4:11 pm Carlos Danger

        It’s what you reward. Bitch all you like darlin.’ You’re the ones making the rules. where just learning to play by them.


      • on October 31, 2014 at 4:12 pm Carlos Danger

        Where = we’re


  26. on October 31, 2014 at 2:03 pm Pervert from a high school background

    As Scottie Simppen (memba him?) would say:

    “Basic Math: Happy Wife = Happy Life.”

    And betas all over leaked tears of joy.

    But we call it bull.


  27. “wifey,” should be the catch all term for the modern married woman in the 4-6 range. Ugly/average looking, total bitch, should be undesirable by any thinking man, but damn if her beta male husband isn’t going to strive and work his ass off to put a smile on wifeys face.


  28. No Halloween post, o dark lords? Not even a comment about my proposed outfit (see previous post this week)?


  29. on October 31, 2014 at 3:31 pm Kingsley Davis

    “Happy wife, happy life”. Triggers a murderous intent from yours truly whenever i hear this muttered by even men i admire(d).


  30. on October 31, 2014 at 4:16 pm WaterUnderTheFridge

    I think you’ve left out an important aspect: An unhappy wife feels far more justified in inflicting emotional pain on a husband to get what she wants (particularly in the West)
    “If mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy”


  31. Why does a woman close her eyes during sex?

    Because she can’t stand to see her husband having fun.


  32. “when the king is happy, the kingdom is happy” — Patrice Oneal


  33. on October 31, 2014 at 6:30 pm Bitter clinger

    Nobody has mentioned that an unhappy woman is much more likely than a man is to bitch, act sullen or in some way make damn sure that everyone knows she’s unhappy and in the process bring everyone else down. It’s like they take the saying misery loves company as a directive rather than an observation.


  34. If she’s unhappy, why not give her that Big D?

    Problem solved.


  35. Alpha Scumbag of the Month:

    I got a particular kick out of the last paragraph: “Calo is facing charges for fighting with the manager and refusing to pay his tab, WKMG-TV reports. However, he will not be facing sex-related charges because no one who claims to have seen the act would write statements for the police.”


  36. Having been married twice I can assure you that if a woman is unhappy she makes every effort to ensure no one is happy.


  37. on October 31, 2014 at 8:05 pm MosesTransports

    If a cat is unhappy, your tries of changing that only adds to it.
    The way to the pussy is paved with constant spectacles of your illusionary independence.
    Females should not be males’ mission in life. They are but passengers.


  38. A woman appearing in a “war on women (TM)” ad is the same woman who kicked her then-husband’s ass last year:

    “According to the complaint, Forrest punched him in the eye and groin, ripped an earring out of his ear and bit him several times. He filed for divorce four days after the fight.”


  39. I never view a woman’s state of “happiness” as being on the same level as a man’s happiness. A man is generally happy when things in life are going in a positive direction. A woman is “happy” when her emotions are bouncing all over the place, especially when they hit multiple extremes in a short period of time. Scare the fuck out of her, then do something highly positive for her, and she’ll be more happy than she would have if you avoided scaring her beforehand.

    If you scare a man and then do something positive for him, he’ll remain pissed off about you scaring him.

    I think for a marriage to work, the man has to pursue his own happiness and not worry about where his wife’s emotions are going to be sitting when making decisions that could potentially piss her off. She gets mad at him for going to the bar after work with some friends. When he gets home, she tries to bitch at him for it. He tells her to shut up, places his lips upon hers, wraps his arms around her, and gives her a damn good makeout session. Argument avoided, and the woman is “happy” because she bounced from feeling mad about his lateness, feeling shocked at being told to shut up, and feeling loved by his embrace and kiss.

    And that is how you please a woman.


  40. Cat calling (for men) will soon be illegal. Your overlords are going to try to pass more laws which will make hitting on girls in public illegal. Welcome to the Brave New World:


    • You may look at it as an inexhaustible source of fun and laughter,
      or as a tragedy of the proportion unfathomable to a sane mind and devastating in its consequences

      From the article
      (Fat feminist cow is the professor of sociology as expected)
      I’d propose a law that would prohibit street harassment and would also be consistent with our First Amendment jurisprudence about other kinds of hate speech (cross-burning in Virginia vs. Black) that intimidates, harasses and perpetuates inequality. It would allow states and cities to recognize street harassment for what it is: physical and psychological acts that intimidate, exclude, subordinate and reinforce male dominance over women.
      If the law has an appropriate role prohibiting sexual harassment, violence and rape in our homes, workplace and universities, why not the street? Shouldn’t gender equality exist everywhere?



    • The men in that video are mostly vibrants. A few days in jail or a court fine, which they won’t pay, are about as serious to them as an hour of after school detention.
      A better question is why able bodied young men aren’t supporting a family or getting an education.
      The answers to that include the complete failure of the left (and of women) to educate anyone but high IQ SWPLs, and their insane belief that young women should hog up classroom seats, rather than produce children.
      They’ve produced a dystopia. Working to upper class women are trained to be anything but attractive spouses or competent mothers; men, particularly working class to poor men, are literally turned out to the streets where the choices are often the military, or prison.
      In a better world these guys would be learning trades, studying IT or STEM, or at the very least have some sort of future.
      Instead they are given a tiny fraction of the opportunities their women are given. Small wonder they view a big breasted, privileged Jewess with a mixture of mild hostility and desire – desire in the way a middle class guy would desire a Ferrari. If you live in a big city and you’re a vibrant, you’ll almost certainly never drive that.


  41. “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
    that is the opening of Anna Karenina
    Anna Karenina, Madame Bovary and Effi Briest are all 19st novels about adulterates,all written by man, all somewhat visionary in what the future was going to bring
    If Tolstoy was to re-write the novel today the opening might have been
    All miserable men are alike, all happy men are happy in its own way
    All happy women are alike, each miserable women is miserable after its own fashion


  42. […] Husbands Are Happy When Their Wives Are Happy (But Not The Reverse) | Chateau Heartiste […]


  43. Women are often reflective of the man they are with. While you being happy doesn’t mean she will be…often your mood can influence hers.

    If men are the rocks…that means they are the emotional rocks too. Don’t let her emotions bring you down.


  44. @HABD

    Quick update – this changing my frame with my wife business goes really deep into all aspects of day to day behaviour. Even the smallest things.

    Like today there was some discussion over text about whether I was going to come meet friends of hers after work or if I had to work late. I instinctively said something like “I need to work but if you want me to come I will and do my work later” (I didn’t mind going to meet them – just a question of whether I would have time to finish some work).

    And then I realised I shouldn’t have left the decision to her – either I should have said I’ll come, or said no. Then she replied with something non-committal and I sent a clear response saying “Yes, I will come”.

    And even that is a step forward. Lots of small steps like this.


    • @marquis I have been through quite a bit changing my frame with my wife. And I would agree you will find the littlest things that re habit. For instance I used to answer every stupid little thing my wife would say instead of just letting her blab on. It was a need to respond always.

      Now she talks and I say little. But when I do talk she listens and it has meaning.

      Make your decisions of whether to go based on what your priorities are. And be prepared for her to give you shit if she does not agree. And if she does give you shit. What will you do? Will you argue with her? Will you give in? Will you walk away?

      Remember the one with the strongest frame wins.


    • I like my wife’s friends well enough, but the ones I spend time with are only the ones hot enough to semi-game into a threesome.
      There are a few days here and there where I would prefer hearing their inane but pleasant enough social conversations to staring at my laptop, fixing their inexplicably goofed-up spreadsheets.


      • Oddly, the only women I’ve met who have any degree of competence in either software or finance/accounting were born overseas.
        They’re roughly as good as their male J-1 visa counter parts.
        I would say I’ve met a grand total of one female, American born actuary who could find her own ass in the dark with two hands.
        One reassuring thing about working with foreigners or immigrants in general is the observation that American-educated workers are, apples to apples, far and away more skilled than the dippy automatons Chindia produces.
        They can sort of code, and sort of figure out financial statements, but they are nowhere near where we are, unless they immigrated here as very small children.


  45. Rape?


  46. Folks, its a lot simpler than that. Correlation is not necessarily causation.
    Alphas are happier than betas, right?
    And spouses of alphas are happier than spouses of betas. True?
    And there you go.


  47. hum…sound like using science to prove one own view on a subject while distorting the discordant studies. Makes me doubt where lies the truth and if are everyone(men and women) distinct on theirs wantings and needings.


  48. All they really have to do is

    1)not pig out on carbs and exercise
    2)put out 2-3 times a week
    3)not be insufferably crazy

    The rest we don’t really give a shit about. Good paying jobs tend to suck up their time (better spent in the gym or doing housework, which for some women is a foreign concept, but a hot horny woman with a messy house is more than tolerable).


  49. General question: One of the girls I’m seeing has told me she is seeing a shrink. She said her parents made her see one. She’s mentioned suicide in passing and being “emotional”. I don’t go into detail just “oh, I see, that’s interesting…” then change the subject to something fun. When we’re together we have a great time.

    But I have not seen any of this in our time together. We only go out once a week or so…sometimes longer than that. She’s not a “texter” so I usually do the initiating…then that’s it, we meet up. In fact, with the 2 other girls in my rotation it’s like this: a few texts, confirm…meet up.

    Our relationship is banging and hanging out and having fun. Should I be at all worried by this revelation? I ask this because my crazy ex gf was NOT seeing any therapist and was seriously bonkers and quite dangerous to me.

    This one doesn’t seem that way at all in fact seems quite cool to be with overall. I don’t want to start poking around in this area asking “Are you nuts are you nuts?” If someone’s getting help for whatever issues they have is this a good thing or a problem?


  50. Hi guys,

    Help a brother out. Next week I’m flying to a Nordic country for work. I’ve met a cute girl from there online and she’s up for a date next Thursday.

    We’ve chatted a few times and she keeps bringing up sex, then backs off. As in “It’s cold here, you should bring a warm coat and a box of condoms.” Then she goes “Haha, just kidding”.

    I know that it’s a positive sign for her to bring up the subject and that “no sex” usually means the opposite.

    Anyway, what approach would you advise for a first date ?


    • @Adamastor She’s basically telling you what to do: make her feel comfortable and amp up attraction.

      When she starts with the “Hahah just kidding”…my response is;

      “Behave, don’t make me send you to the naughty corner….”

      Set up a time and date near wherever you’re staying. Follow the date model: three venues, first is you screening her, second is more intimate with drinks, third should be your place.

      Learn to read the signs: how does she look when she shows up? Dressed up, heels, make up? She’s DTF.

      I have had huge success with online just be assuming the sale and sexualizing the chat along the lines I’ve suggested above.


  51. Can someone explain what “women are the more reproductively valuable” sex means? From reading “The Fundamental Premise” and other CH posts, I still don’t understand it. Men are just as needed as women to conceive a child, and while women are more vulnerable both during gestation and after, I don’t see how that makes them more reproductively valuable. Insights appreciated.