Man Dance-Off

Three guys. One cramped dance floor space. A smooth moves battle royale to catch the attentions of the two girls with their backs turned to them. Who will take home the gold?

dancing with the sausage.

dancing with the sausage.

(Happy dude holding drink is Wayne Brady, providing humorous color commentary.)

Guy in the V-neck steps up first and does the robot. Not bad, but girls are unimpressed. Judges score: Backs still turned.

Guy in the fashionable “I Adidas DC” T-shirt immediately follows him and goes old school with a break dancing routine that causes people walking by to be extra careful stepping over him. Judges score: Girls briefly turn around to watch because they got bored with the guys talking to them.

Fan favorite “really tall guy in the sack-crushing capris” takes the floor and does… something really GHEY. And yet I cannot look away:

taste the rainbow.

taste the rainbow.

Judges score: 10.0 for the joyous shirt, 9.0 for look of concentration, 0.0 for capturing female attention. As you can see, the girls remain unimpressed with the action, prefering to focus on their beta suitors. One girl did point and laugh.

Capri guy sat down with the judges later for a post-contest interview and it turned out he was actually kind of cool in a warped way. He admitted being bisexual (read: 100% gay).

At least he had an excuse. What were the other guys thinking? No man dances for personal enjoyment; he does it either to get close to girls already dancing or to show off his moves for girls watching. The man dance-off is like the perfect storm of gayness and toolness. As far as male status competitions go, it’s lower than drinking games.

On the streets of New York this kind of thing works because there are usually lots of girls watching to take social cues from each other that it’s acceptable to get caught up in the excitement of the status displays. It was closing time when these guys squared off and there were only a few girls nearby. Male mini-status displays don’t work as well when there aren’t lots of admiring girls to give the warriors social proof of their skills. Girls often look to other girls to gauge the alphaness of men doing questionable activities. If one girl looks over at the other girl in attendance and sees she is not paying attention to the frenetic dance-off, she will remain aloof.

You could have two dorky guys playing PINBALL and as long as there is at least one horny admiring girl in the crowd to inspire the other girls, the winning pinballer will get laid.





Comments


  1. Is that adidas in the 2nd pic talking to what, judging from the calf, appears to be a hot chick? I award 1st prize.

    Although it’s close between him and contestant #4, the guy sitting down a few feet away taking pictures of bisexual men in tight black jeans.

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  2. Why do bi guy and Adidas guy have their hands on their faces in the first picture?

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  3. The big untapped dance floor weapon: the disco dance. Tohn Travolta. Saturday Night Fever. Alternately pointing at your belt buckle and the ceiling.

    Learn it, and do it well. Not ironically like you’re too cool. Not like a drunk moron doing YMCA.

    Do it right, do it with authority, do it like an artist, and girls will be flocking to you in hopes of playing your Stephanie Mangano.

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  4. Dancing is supposedly never a good idea.

    It’s fine for some cheap thrills (i.e. grinding your little woody on some chick’s thigh) but that’s about all it’s good for.

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  5. Dancing is supposedly never a good idea

    Probably true, unless you’re good at it. Most guys aren’t.

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  6. on August 18, 2008 at 4:54 pm Stating the Obvious

    One of the most important nuggets of the article:

    ‘He admitted being bisexual (read: 100% gay).’

    Absolutely true. If this hasn’t been listed in your universal truths yet, it should be.

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  7. on August 18, 2008 at 5:08 pm Usually Lurking

    Probably true, unless you’re good at it. Most guys aren’t.

    Neither are most girls. But, watching girls move their bodies is always nice. Still, very few can actually dance.

    If you need any evidence of this, simply watch a girl who is not thin, but not fat either, try to dance. It is very easy to take your eyes of of her.

    Then compare her to some girl that doesn’t have any real dance in her, but can move to the rhythm and you will watch her all night long.

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  8. on August 18, 2008 at 5:10 pm Patrick Bateman

    Dancing is gay. Why would any straight man dance for any reason other than getting his dick wet? Why do women prefer good dancers? Dancing ability seems to correlate with femininity. All women and gay men can dance, but many straight men can’t. I can’t dance for shit.

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  9. Neither are most girls. But, watching girls move their bodies is always nice. Still, very few can actually dance.

    True. One caveat, though. There are girls with an innate talent for dancing. I am still vividly picturing these two girls at a club about 15 years ago.

    One, an average-looking one and her very cute, borderline hot friend. Objectibvely, the second one was much better looking. But the first one, who fit your description of “not thin, but not fat either,” had this something in the way she danced. It was beyond sexy.

    It was impossible to take your eyes off her. It was like being in a trance and watching a snake move slowly.

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  10. The anti-sexy girl dance, even if she’s hot: drunk, dumb grin, beer bottle in hamd.

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  11. Why do women prefer good dancers?

    Because 99% of women like to dance. If your man can dance, you can hit the scene together and have a lot of fun – without having to worry about other men harassing you. Yeah, you can go out with your girlfriends and dance, but it’s a lot more fun with your significant other. Also, if he isn’t inhibited and akward on the dance floor, he most certainly won’t be inhibited and akward in the bedroom.

    Guys who can dance WELL are usually confident, and this is also a turn on.

    The guys in Roissy’s article are:
    1. ugly
    2. putting out the gay/hipster vibe (some girls might like this, I don’t)
    2. unimpressive and akward (juding from the stills)
    3. dancing in a circle with each other which makes them unapproachable even if you were interested

    PA is correct – it isn’t the actual act of dancing that is the downfall of these three men – it is the combination of factors listed. Nothing is hotter than a guy who can dance well and with confidence.

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  12. Yeah I know … I can’t spell.

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  13. Since you have a video of The Who posted – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfGOGv4aock from feeds
    and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3-o8mUVGxQ from a cell phone that was there.

    Good band

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  14. yet, Patrick Bateman is still somehow gay.

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  15. on August 18, 2008 at 5:41 pm Usually Lurking

    There are girls with an innate talent for dancing. I am still vividly picturing these two girls …the second one was much better looking. But the first one, who fit your description of “not thin, but not fat either,” had this something in the way she danced. It was beyond sexy.

    That’s right. Very few can truly dance, and, when you see it, you remember it. Especially when it seems to ooze sexiness.

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  16. A lot of the commenters here seem to think that dancing can never be beneficial for guys’ status, but they are definitely wrong on this point. I’m a swing dancer, and let me tell you the very best male swing dancers get a _lot_ of female attention.

    The issue with club dancing is that there’s no structure on which status is clearly defined. A guy that does the robot really well may be seen as having talent, but unless he’s at a robot-dancing convention that doesn’t really translate to status. The next guy just does the moonwalk or whatever his specialty is, nobody can really establish a pecking order because you’re comparing apples to oranges, and so females don’t take notice because they have little to gain from these talents.

    Swing dancing is a closed community with more established aesthetics and social conventions; it’s pretty hard to confuse someone who’s an accomplished dancer with someone who just walked in off the street. Thus, being good at this well-defined activity conveys a lot of status to the women within the community. I assume that most other formal dances work basically the same way. It doesn’t hurt that the dance is a partnered dance, so any instance in which a high-status male would establish his status is also an instance in which the female he’s dancing with gets publicly associated with that high-status male.

    Not surprisingly, there are relatively few gay males in the swing dance community.

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  17. on August 18, 2008 at 5:47 pm Usually Lurking

    Because 99% of women like to dance. If your man can dance…

    Bullshit.

    Very few young women care about true, old fashioned, fairly difficult to learn dancing. It is the new stuff that they really like. And when a girl can dance with a guy she basically gets to simulate sex without actually going home with him or even kissing him. In other words, it is safe.

    And, she gets to evaluate his sexual status at the same time. It is win-win for girls. This is why girls love to dance with NEW guys so much (yes, I know that she will also like to dance with her current man, but boy does she love to dance with some new guy).

    Lastly, even of the guy does not dance particularly well, well, she still got to shake her shit in front of all the other guys. And, if this guy chose her over the other girls, well, she gets to have that piece of cake too.

    Fuck win-win. It is more like win-win-win-win-win.

    A few wives do get interested in what might be called real dancing, and they take lessons with their husband, or somebody. But, if you ever see that dynamic, it is very different.

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  18. One more observation (and then I’m done, I swear).

    There is dancing that is “partner” friendly and then there is dancing that is not. If I’m dancing with a guy – we should be moving together – this isn’t supposed to be a competitive dance off.

    If you’re going to make an investment in learning how to dance – attend a few ballroom or salsa dance lessons. Don’t expect to meet any hot chicks at the actual lessons – especially ballroom. Most of the classes that I’ve been to are full of fat chicks wearing large denim skirts and platform boots…?

    But hey – it will be a good workout – and if you can twirl a 250lb woman, imagine what you will be able to do with your 125lb date.

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  19. Ok I lied …

    @17 Usually Lurking, you must live in the 7th level of hell. I actually go out dancing a lot – and yes there are scantly clad chicks who grind on losers (really the guys don’t even have to dance, just stand there, and most do) – but this is not the norm. And they usually draw dirty looks and criticism from the crowd.

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  20. on August 18, 2008 at 5:57 pm Dr. Grzlickson

    ” Also, if he isn’t inhibited and akward on the dance floor, he most certainly won’t be inhibited and akward in the bedroom. ”

    No correlation. Fail.

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  21. @21 Dr. Grzlickson, is this first hand knowledge?

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  22. brandyfine:
    Also, if he isn’t inhibited and akward on the dance floor, he most certainly won’t be inhibited and akward in the bedroom.

    although this is a popularly held belief among women, i can tell you speaking from personal experience that, even though i dislike dancing and rarely do it, my bedroom skills, judging by the number of breathless “you’re the best i’ve ever had” post-coital exclamations from a variety of satisfied sources, are unparalleled.

    conclusion: practice makes perfect.

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  23. on August 18, 2008 at 6:05 pm Patrick Bateman

    @15

    Did a guy named Raphael call me gay? Just tell people your name and they already know your hobbies include fellating men and hair styling.

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  24. on August 18, 2008 at 6:13 pm Patrick Bateman

    Also, if he isn’t inhibited and akward on the dance floor, he most certainly won’t be inhibited and akward in the bedroom.

    As someone else already pointed out, this is false. I go caveman on my girls, but I have two left feet. The guys who can dance tend to be fem. Not exactly the types who can throw a woman around in the bedroom. I plan to take dance lessons eventually, but only so I can dance on my wedding day. My main girl is a fucking phenomenal dancer.

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  25. Roissy – I never said that guys who couldn’t dance are automatically poor performers.

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  26. on August 18, 2008 at 6:20 pm Usually Lurking

    Most of the classes that I’ve been to are full of fat chicks wearing large denim skirts and platform boots

    That’s right.

    yes there are scantly clad chicks who grind

    I never said anything about how the girls dance or how they might rub up against their partners.

    I said what I said. It is easy enough to understand.

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  27. I must have hit a nerve. My comments on this site usually go ignored…

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  28. Here is a very useful study about dancing for young men:

    http://www.scienceandsex.com/images/Dancesymmetry_Nature.pdf

    It reveals symmetry, the best dancers tend to be the most symmetrical. Thus, there are high payoffs to dancing well.

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  29. are you saying that ladies won’t be impressed by my “Shadow Dancing” prowess? Damn.

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  30. Think of dancing as a sexual tryout.

    Hit the dance floor, start grinding with a chick, and she gets to evaluate:

    1) Your sense of rhythm

    2) How good your hands can make her feel

    3) Sexual confidence, i.e do you have the balls to run her pussy

    4) Size of your dick as it gets hard against her ass

    By refusing to dance, you communicate that you are deficient in one or more of these categories. Solve for the equilibrium, and bust a move.

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  31. on August 18, 2008 at 6:43 pm Dr. Grzlickson

    “judging by the number of breathless “you’re the best i’ve ever had” post-coital exclamations”

    Zero isn’t a number.

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  32. I’ve also read somewhere that dancing and fighting ability are strongly correlated, so male dancing is a signal of fighting ability. I would provide a source, but as an excellent dancer AND fighter, I don’t fear the reprecussions of your anger.

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  33. “On the streets of New York this kind of thing works because there are usually lots of girls watching to take social cues from each other that it’s acceptable to get caught up in the excitement of the status displays. It was closing time when these guys squared off and there were only a few girls nearby. Male mini-status displays don’t work as well when there aren’t lots of admiring girls to give the warriors social proof of their skills. Girls often look to other girls to gauge the alphaness of men doing questionable activities. If one girl looks over at the other girl in attendance and sees she is not paying attention to the frenetic dance-off, she will remain aloof.

    You could have two dorky guys playing PINBALL and as long as there is at least one horny admiring girl in the crowd to inspire the other girls, the winning pinballer will get laid.”

    Roissy,
    You really do have it figured out, and have eloquently explained it. That is exactly what is going on. Gals checking with their girlfriends so the alpha female of the group can say “yeah, this is cool” so the other girls can “DECIDE” to be attracted to it. It sucks that women can be such little titty babies and not decide for themselves what attracts them instead of allowing her friends to decide what attracts them, but that is certainly the way they are. Men never act this way, and if one of your buds is into skinny Euro-looking women, and another is into larger gals with “ghetto-asses”, and another is into monster tits, none of your pals will ever tell you that she is verbotten. In fact, they will encourage you to indulge your particular lust no matter how different it is from theirs because somebody’s got to fuck the short girls, the big girls, even the homely ones with the nice bodies and your male buds who are your true friends want you to be happy—–unlike so many “girlfriends” are with each other.

    If a guy thinks about it, simply supplying coke to several alpha females, who in turn will tell their little friends that he is “cool”, would probably be a much less labor intensive way to easily score without trying very hard. Its almost as if the alpha female of a group of five gives permission to the other gals who to fuck sometimes, so powerful is the ceremony of the cockblock.

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  34. on August 18, 2008 at 6:58 pm Usually Lurking

    In fact, they will encourage you to indulge your particular lust no matter how different it is from theirs because somebody’s got to fuck the short girls, the big girls…

    Z, most guys that have a “crew” will rag anyone within it that routinely chooses obviously ugly girls. I am not talking about going Hoggin’, or even going “ugly early”, but actually being attracted to some ugly chick.

    Right or wrong, that is usually what happens.

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  35. on August 18, 2008 at 7:05 pm Dr. Grzlickson

    My name is Dr. Grzlickson.

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  36. I dance for personal enjoyment. I’m not white enough to hate dancing. But yeah, dancing will not get you anywhere worthwhile with girls.

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  37. I still remain rather unconvinced that a large percentage of females specifically go out to clubs to dance and that’s it.

    I think a larger percentage go out to clubs with the idea of dancing in order to get attention, whether from males or females.

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  38. try as I might to believe in the validity of the man dance-off even in the best of circumstances (friends who are legitimately talented break dancers….) the lack of talented male dancers i know who actually have at least mildly attractive girls has made this a venue I never participate in. the exception: salsa dancing. 1/3 of the girls I’ve dated/slept with I met salsa dancing. Statistically, there is no question. the man dance-off which occurs in a crowded, mid 20’s college-ish or upwardly trendy bar however….is never one to be a part of.

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  39. on August 18, 2008 at 8:03 pm Patrick Bateman

    I’ve known that girls used dancing to screen men for sometime, but it always just seemed like another irrational preference. I definitely see how selection for symmetry is rational, but you have to admit that most good male dancers are effeminate. It seemed odd that women would screen men based on an ability that correlates so strongly with anti-masculinity.

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  40. and yes carl, many girls go out to dance the same reason they go out and drink, to commiserate about work/their singlehood/get attention from men they intend to shoot down if they do approach and term “pussies” or “fags” if they don’t approach and fulfill their need for man-disparagement.

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  41. most good male dancers are effeminate.

    Maybe. I think it depends on the type of dancing and the guy. When I think of famous good male dancers I think of:

    Kevin Bacon (Footloose)
    Mario Lopez
    Justin Timberlake

    I wouldn’t classify any of them as effeminate.

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  42. Animal behavior scientists distinguish two aspects of sexual selection: 1) male-male competition, and 2) courtship of females. Here and now, guys prefer competing with each other rather than macking on girls.

    Dancing is a powerful attractant, but only if it shows off how healthy and coordinated and sexual you are, not this highly stylized quasi-sport approach. Most guys are just too uptight to cut loose, find the beat, get into the groove, etc. * You frequently see East Asian guys breakdancing, but never “dance” dancing.

    How to know if you’re doing it right: you attract the attention of a group of Black girls who then surround and grind on you. They’re the ones who are most innately attuned to signals of sexual dancing. (If anyone’s paying attention to man dance-offs, it’s usually SWPL white girls.)

    * If guys are afraid of looking gay by dancing with energy, all they have to do is remember to move their upper body around in addition to their lower body. Gays, by contrast, *only* move their lower body.

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  43. Justin Timberlake is not considered effeminate?

    I guess his five o’clock shadow look and buzz cut is doing its job.

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  44. on August 18, 2008 at 8:50 pm Usually Lurking

    Kevin Bacon (Footloose)
    Mario Lopez
    Justin Timberlake

    I have never met any of them and I have a $1000 that says notone of them can throw a spiral.

    I am not hatin’. Dance all you want, but, the guys would not really be described as being all that masculine.

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  45. It seemed odd that women would screen men based on an ability that correlates so strongly with anti-masculinity.

    It’s possible that women select for more feminine men as long-term partners. This is at least in part tied to hormones and fertility, since women only ovulate for a brief time out of the month.

    http://www.livescience.com/health/070102_facial_features.html

    Faces with more masculine features (such as a square jaw, larger nose and smaller eyes), were judged to be more dominant, less faithful, worse parents and as having less warm personalities than those with more feminine features (such as fuller lips, wide eyes and thinner, more curved eyebrows).

    Another recent study found that women who were in the fertile stage of their menstrual cycle preferred more masculine-looking males for short-term relationships, but more feminine-looking males while they were less fertile.

    Increased testosterone has also been linked to male cheating and violence in relationships, so while these men might produce high quality offspring, they don’t always make great parents or faithful mates.

    Work on the timing of affairs has shown that flings or affairs tend to coincide with a woman’s peak fertility. Putting together the two findings — masculine male faces are more attractive at peak fertility when affairs are most likely and they are also associated with short-term relationships — suggests that women may be making the best of both worlds.

    They take a more feminine male partner for long-term investment, while occasionally having affairs or short-term relationships with masculine males to provide good immunity genes for some of their children.

    *Waits for the hue and cry*

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  46. About the correlation between a guy’s moves on and off the dance floor — dancing well may not be necessary for her to determine that the guy can work it in bed, but it is sufficient. So it cuts out a lot of guesswork, or having to for other signals.

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  47. Solo freestyle dancing, the dominant form of dancing to music that’s faster than 110 bpm, in the Western world and increasingly elsewhere, and for a good 45 years since the massive social explosion that was the Twist, isn’t a way for guys to get girls. But…partner dancing sure as hell is. Salsa dancing requires that you move smoothly, lightly, provide clear guidance (the lead) to the woman, and yet at the same time be highly attuned to her, be able both to mirror her and anticipate her. Partner dancing is a great way for a man to display, or more properly demonstrate directly, to a specific woman, in a close-in, hip-grinding, physically intimate way, that he is a worthy sex partner for her.

    Go to South Am and check out the action in dances there. Knife fights break out all the time, ’cause the outraged boyfriend/husband is very attuned to the signals passing on the floor between his woman and her partner of the moment. There’s real heat going on out there, and the incipient cuckold knows it.

    The solipsistic, anomic, isolated, individualistic display of solo freestyle dancing does nothing to establish connection with women, and connection is vital to scoring. It’s like bragging at a woman, dropping celeb names, or flashing your bankroll. A cheap sales job, really. How often does that work?

    Try salsa dancing, Roissy et al. Go to an environment where that dance is organic to its place, not like some dance studio. See what happens. Feel what happens.

    Then you will understand.

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  48. on August 18, 2008 at 8:59 pm Usually Lurking

    PatrickH, I have never been, but I am under the impression that the Clubs in places like Argentina and Brazil where the young hotties go are not that different that what we see in North America and Europe.

    Hope, I am not so sure that girls are using dance to evaluate LONG term companionship.

    They might, but, I wouldn’t bet on it.

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  49. Patrick B, having some “effeminate” talent isn’t bad. Actually, it’s necessary. Think of the all-male-brained archetype, the computer nerd/engineer/etc: do they get a lot of ladies?

    Talking, dancing, style etc gets you points with women, math wizardry and haxxor skillz don’t. There’s hardly anything that draws women more than an otherwise masculine man who can display some sort of “feminine” talent.

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  50. on August 18, 2008 at 9:01 pm Patrick Bateman

    @Hope
    It’s possible that women select for more feminine men as long-term partners.

    Now that makes sense. I assumed women were looking for flings, but dancing is a common tribal activity and women were probably screening for husbands in that environment.

    @Brandy
    Kevin Bacon is the only guy on that list that I don’t consider overly feminine, and that might change if I saw Footloose.

    @Agnostic
    If guys are afraid of looking gay by dancing with energy, all they have to do is remember to move their upper body around in addition to their lower body.

    Shit, my problem is remembering to move the lower body. My girlfriend complains that I emphasize my torso too much when dancing.

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  51. on August 18, 2008 at 9:05 pm Patrick Bateman

    @jaakkeli

    I see the importance of having some feminine qualities in order to maximize pussy. I hope my style, emotional awareness and paternal instincts are enough to make up for my shitty dance moves.

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  52. on August 18, 2008 at 9:08 pm Usually Lurking

    Talking, dancing, style etc gets you points with women, math wizardry and haxxor skillz don’t.

    Right on. The most masculine of brains gets you nowhere with girls. In my experience, the guys who had the most natural game were the guys least interested in things like Sports and Science.

    There were very much attuned to style (and being stylish), going to the hip places and being where all the people were. These are things that go right past your average science freek.

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  53. Hope,

    This is at least in part tied to hormones and fertility, since women only ovulate for a brief time out of the month.

    I also read an article that claims:

    A recent U.K. study … has demonstrated that birth control pills alter important factors governing women’s mate selection.

    Full link here:
    http://www.wvwnews.net/story.php?id=5395

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  54. Dancing is inherently sexual. It always has been, and it has always been part of past courtship and mating rituals. In modern times, school dan