You meet a girl. She’s pretty, so you feel yourself tightening up, and your brain revving hot. You speak, trying hard to say something witty. Big mistake. You say something awkwardly tone deaf that pulls everyone nearby out of the conversational flow. You cringe inwardly and are sure it’s noticeable outwardly. This makes it worse. Anything you say now will be even stupider and more charmless, pinched through the contracting voicebox of your amygdala.
You’ve made a bad first impression. For most men (read: beta males), this would mean the hopeful romance was deep-sixed. It’s hard to change a woman’s first impression, and just as hard to change your reflexive withdrawal when you become aware you’ve messed up.
But, it’s not impossible. Bad first impressions can be overcome. The technique itself is easy, even if the mental hurdle to accept the technique into your life is high.
A reader pleads,
Love your posts. In the near future, can you please address how to overcome the initial first impression which was bad? Most of what you says makes sense but stigma of previous reputation of nerd/geek/loser,etc. can negate any learned experience. This post can be of tremendous value because it’s not always convenient to change venues.
Recovering from a bad first impression is a two-step process:
1. Ignore it
To give an example of what I mean, think of a natural you know from your life. The “What Would A Natural Do?” rule applies here.
Naturals aren’t always on; sometimes they too say stupid or incongruous things. We can’t all be Chateau lords. If you know or have known some naturals, and spent a decent amount of time in their company, you’ll recall a few missteps they made. And you’ll recall how they responded. Often, from what I see, the natural recovers from a self-inflicted social miscue with a potent dose of nonchalance.
Basically, act like nothing you said or did went afoul of social etiquette. Remember: OVERCONFIDENCE IS KING in the realm of quivering vaginas. What does an entitled, narcissistic, self-regarding, overconfident, jerkboy natural beloved by women everywhere do when he bumbles? I’m sorry, do you think he notices or cares when he bumbles? He doesn’t. Or, if he notices his faux pas, he acts like he doesn’t notice it. He registers no perceptible shame, no clumsy self-acknowledgement, no reddening cheeks, no stiff retreat from the social matrix. He just plows ahead to bless the world with his next gilded thought.
And girls respond universally to that kind of quasi-sociopathic practiced unconcern with one’s perceived impression: Curiosity greased by their mental Bartholin’s glands.
This isn’t the only way to overcome a bad first impression, but it is the preferred method of 4 out of 5 naturals. Mild self-referential humor is another effective tactic. Making light of one’s own social mistake, if pulled off with a competent mien of amused detachment, will release the awkward tension and allow those present to laugh along with you, which is a powerful “social leader” DHV.
“Yup, I just said something nerdy. If you can’t handle it, the cooler guys are over there.” [point to a nerd herd]
Disqualification plus savvy acknowledgement of social realities is chicknip.