First Porn Experience

For most guys porn has been a part of his life since his first adorable little ejaculation.  It’s been a good friend, right there all along, assisting in quickie wanks, long drawn-out Saturday afternoon sessions, and walk-by chubbies at the office (pre-firewall days).  It’s helped to raise our standards of what we expect in bed from the women we date (another reason why women are getting sluttier.)  Recently, I found myself reminiscing about my first exposure to porn.

joyofsex.jpgIt was at my grandparents’ house.  I was exploring the basement when I came across a copy of The Joy of Sex in an old beige filing cabinet.  What a find!  The rush of excitement was instantaneous.  The pencil sketch drawings were thin gruel compared to today’s high res video on demand, but I was 14 and just saying the word “boobie” was enough to give me blue balls.  I pored over every single picture.  Eventually I got around to reading the words.

I don’t know what was skeevier — getting off to porn with my grandparent’s watching Jeopardy in the next room, or finding porn in their home, a place I used to think was holier than a confessional.  I’m pretty sure the book smelled like old people.  That didn’t stop me.

From then on I was a perverted pirate on a porn treasure hunt, always looking for my next fix.  Like women, the chase was almost as much fun as the viewing.  With each score I ratcheted up my demands for stronger, purer stuff.comf21.jpg

My next big find was my parent’s underwear drawer.  Big honking VHS tapes with colorful scenes all over the sleeve.  I later learned that most of my friends found their parents’ porn in the underwear drawer as well.  I wondered if our parents got together on bridge night to discuss the best places to hide the porn from the kids.  In their infinite wisdom they decided under the granny panties.  Come on, that’s the first place a kid is gonna look knowing that’s exactly where his dopey parents will think he won’t look.  It wasn’t long before I found the vibrators and devices I still can’t identify to this day.

Porn is so ubiquitous now that the thrill of the chase is gone.  Kids these days have no idea what it was like back when we had to walk 5 miles through the snow, uphill both ways, dodging suicide bombers, to get to number 2 pencil sketches of vaj.  Today it’s log on, rub one out, get back to whatever you were doing.  There’s no anticipation.  It’s not Christmas morning anymore, it’s a typical Tuesday afternoon.

In the distant past when men had nothing but glimpses of ankle to masturbate to, actual sex must have been an earthshaking experience.  It must have been the kind of thing that men died for… and created civilization for.





Comments


  1. When I was a youngin’, I studied the illustrations and texts on “sex” listed in the encyclopedia…at my grandparent’s house, too.
    I also read the sex scenes in novels.
    No masterbation involved, though. I was a child.

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  2. “Kids these days have no idea what it was like back when we had to walk 5 miles through the snow, uphill both ways, dodging suicide bombers, to get to number 2 pencil sketches of vaj.”

    Quote of the week, man. Fabulous. I am definitely whipping this one out as a conversation starter at the dinner table tonight. “OK, kids– Blowjobs: neither blowing, nor a job. Discuss.”

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  3. BTW– I used to use my mom’s medical textbooks. I particularly loved the “stages of male adolescence” illustration, where I could witness the gradual arrival of boys’ pubic hair. When I couldn’t manage to sneak that whole 7-lb volume out of the living room undetected, I’d sometimes settle for the penis cross-section diagram in my “All About Anatomy” coloring book.

    Now that I think about it, was everyone this horny at 8 years old?

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  4. Oh I remember the first time I found porn… well first my sister and cousins and I found playboys in my dad’s office… then when I was 13 I found videos in my parent’s closet. Boy was I in shock.

    Then again, we had skinemax at home from the time I was 12. That always satisfied my needs.

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  5. on July 10, 2007 at 4:54 pm Smoothvirus

    Kids today have no idea how easy they have it. In fact I think that’s one of the biggest differences between Gen X’ers and kids these days – easy access to porn.

    Back when I was a kid in the 80’s it was a whole other ballgame. My parents were much more prudish than yours, Roissy. Porn on VHS did not exist in our house – in fact I was 19 years old before I even viewed a porno flick. A buddy of mine brought it over and we watched it on my parent’s VCR while my parents were out. I recall a distinct feeling as if the VCR had been “fouled” somehow, as if it had lost its virginal innocence.

    When I was about 11 or so, myself and some of the other neighborhood boys found the Mother Lode – an entire shoebox full of porno mags found at an illegal dump site. All of us were afraid to bring them back to the house so we were forced to leave them in a “secret” spot out in some pine trees. A couple of times a week we sneaked out there to look at them. In our sheltered WASPy lives none of us knew what we were supposed to do with them. Eventually my sister and some of her friends discovered our little treasure and one afternoon took all of the magazines, and ripped them into little bits. Then I was forced to tell my mother about our secret stash of filth. This, as it turned out, was only the first of many years of cock-blocking that my sister would engage in….

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  6. When I was in 7th or 8th grade, there was this kid who had access to what seemed like an unlimited supply of dirty magazines. I believe he swiped them from his older brother. Any way, he was quite the entrepreneur, charging other kids 25 cents per half hour to look at one of the magazines – a non-trivial financial burden given our ages.

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  7. man, i can still remember the first porno i saw. something about a girl named ‘peaches’ trying to find religion or something. pretty funny, because of course, it was a porno plot… but i remember that video getting passed around through my middle school hall 8th grade, locker to locker… secret stash.

    bringing back some memories. ha.

    you are right though… its just too easy now days… though I’ll admit, when i was in high school and had access to the net, it was still tough, for fear of always getting caught.

    great post.

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  8. All of us were afraid to bring them back to the house so we were forced to leave them in a “secret” spot out in some pine trees.

    Ha, see this long thread about “forest porn”, an international phenomenon:

    http://ask.metafilter.com/22130/Porn-in-the-woods

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  9. I got introduced at something like 10 or 11 by a babysitter who was like the older brother I never had. It was a definite rite of passage moment. Luckily, ookie cookie was not part of the process – he just showed a couple of minutes, so I’d know what was out there, ha.

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  10. all of our beloved childhood low-tech joys are slowly disappearing…

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  11. i used to try to catch glimpses of titty through the broken reception on the skinemax cable channels we didn’t get. channels 97,98,99…. good times.

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  12. Am I the only one to think it’s just not right if more than one guy shares their porn experiences? I can deal with passing on magazines and videos to each other to some extent.

    But watching it together?

    Isn’t it creepy?

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  13. B – this reminds me of college when 25 guys were jampacked into a tiny dorm room watching a porno. we were all standing around laughing but there was an undercurrent of unease. in hindsight it was creepy. i don’t want to think of a roomful of guys getting aroused.

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  14. Yeah … it’s a little weird in retrospect, but so are a lot of things – like mandatory showers after gym class. Sometimes it’s just better to smell.

    Also, I would have qualified for the flipping channel Olympics. Ninjas would have nothing on me.

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  15. this reminds me of college when 25 guys were jampacked into a tiny dorm room watching a porno. we were all standing around laughing but there was an undercurrent of unease. in hindsight it was creepy.

    25 guys watching porn together may be creepy but isn’t too weird.
    Now, two guys watching porn together, that’s weird. Unless they’re under age 15 or so.

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  16. In the distant past when men had nothing but glimpses of ankle to masturbate to, actual sex must have been an earthshaking experience. It must have been the kind of thing that men died for… and created civilization for.

    That is probably the best thing I have ever heard anyone say about sex. I’m sure it’s true, too!

    I remember watching my first porn. I was drunk and 19. It was insanely boring.
    Is it just me or are pictures hella better than movies?

    Wait, maybe that was TMI….

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