A Highly Useful And Somewhat Controversial List Of Nonverbal Teases

Are you a man of few words? Are you a man who’s frequently at a loss for words? Was your tongue removed by a mujahedin? Or do you just think that talky talk is unbecoming a real man?

Great news, silent sith lord! This post is for you. Some of the best teases (and truth be told, favorites of yer ‘umble serrator) are nonverbal messages on full throttle. It’s so much sexier and charming to communicate with a lust interest in the language of thespians and queen bee BFFs. Hereforthwithal:

Look of disgust (nose scrunched, eyes squinted).

Don’t want to walk across the room to cold open a girl slouched over her megamug of sugar tea? Look at her, wait for eye contact, then scrunch your face up like you just got a whiff of wet turd. Logic? Meaning? Feu! No need for any of that. The expression alone will be irresistible to the female ego. You’ll get one of three reactions: A self-point and quizzical look (“Is he doing that to me or someone behind me?”), an aggravated eyebrow knit, or the same face in return. Reactions one and three are your green-lights; You can work with those because the minimal level of interest has been established. Reaction two means agree and amplify: put a clothespin on your nose the next time she looks over at you.

The raised eyebrow look of phony deep thought.

Did a girl say something? Always a good time to raise your eyebrows sky high and contort your mouth downward like her words have spurred you to give them profound consideration. GIRL: “My spirit animal is a kitten!” YOU: “Hmmmm… fascinating!” Add a chin rub for the IMAX effect.

The disdainful air wank.

You know the move, where you pretend to grab your dick and make a wanking motion in the air. This is more of a neg than a tease. Use it on girls who sound full of themselves. Properly calibrated, it can be quite the hamster amphetamine.

The serious listener face.

Girl talks. Big mistake! You lean forward, prop your chin in the palms of both your hands (fingers curled up against your cheeks), squint a little, knit your eyebrows, press your lips together, and generally affect the mien of someone utterly engrossed by what he’s hearing. This tease is doubleplustingle if you do it when she’s discussing a fantastically frivolous topic, like her career.

The Eureka! face.

Did a girl make a suggestion, or come to a wary conclusion about your intentions? Thrust your finger into the air, widen your eyes, and shout “Eureka!”. Good for a punch on your shoulder, which can be redeemed later for a dick punch into her vagina.

The exaggerated Lothario face.

From across a room, locate a timid distaff fawn trembling on shaky pre-orgasmic legs, lock on, and assume the Lothario face. What’s the Lothario face? Pursed lips, a rolling motion with the head, rising and falling eyebrows, eye twinkle, and finally a blown kiss. It’s a farce, to be sure, but it happens to be a farce that often will extract a reluctant smile and laugh from the girl. It’s obviously over the top, and that’s why chicks love it. It gets them thinking, “Who is this super confident man with stones of steel clattering twixt legs? What a douche!”

“What a douche!” translates from the womanese into “What a douche whose crotch my wandering eye doth travel!”

You can use the above nonverbal teases to accelerate an already present attraction, or to coax an attraction from a preexisting condition of indifference.





Comments


  1. […] A Highly Useful And Somewhat Controversial List Of Nonverbal Teases […]

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    • on October 2, 2014 at 4:01 pm Laguna Beach Fogey

      Or do you just think that talky talk is unbecoming a real man?

      Yes. There’s something unmanly, Judaic even, about a man who is too chatty.

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      • my mouth runs like a freight train…chicks dig it when you are constantly entertaining. Definitely there is a time to shut up tho

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  2. I doubt this young mangina would take the advice on women above. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/11126520/15-year-old-boys-magnificent-letter-about-Emma-Watsons-UN-speech.html

    The androgynous equalists are out in force…

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  3. Let a woman ramble on for awhile, and in that opportune moment when she takes a breath before going onto the next non sequiturish train of thought, suddenly interject, with the full solemnity of a man giving a eulogy:

    “You tell the most fascinating stories.”

    And don’t drop the stare of Svengali until she averts her eyes.

    You can literally see, in the the mere expression of her eyes, the little legs of that inner hamster start off to the races.

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  4. The best advice I ever got about how to treat women came from a Hustler cartoon 20+ years ago…

    A violin player in a very upscale restaurant disgustedly telling a gold-grinning ghetto-ass b couple, “Even if I knew smack da bitch and fuck her up da ass, I wouldn’t play it.” Simply brillant.

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  5. The exagerated fake yawn while they talk.

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  6. Couple the eyebrow raise with a smirk. The “silly girl, I see through your bs” look.

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  7. I always like the come hither finger curl. And if she bites and approaches you say, “I’m sorry. That was intended for the girl behind you.”

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  8. Paging all you “I need a virgin” proponents:
    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20626678

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    • this is some of the strangest science i’ve come across, yet it does explain one of the evolutionary pressures that may have contributed to the natural revulsion men have for committing too much of themselves to sluts.

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    • The more interesting question is – is this type of chimerism adaptive or nonadaptive

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      • on October 2, 2014 at 4:45 pm Just Went Rogue

        Almost certainly non-adaptive. Can’t fathom how this would stem from natural selection or environmental factors.

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      • If evolution’s true, then my money’s on this being non-adaptive for the offspring of male mates #2 and beyond.

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      • What an incredibly stupid thing to say.

        If evolution is true (and it is), then there’s a reason that something like this has been preserved.

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      • If evolution is true, nothing you say or do is important or interesting because ultimately it is the product of a mindless, random, purposeless, unguided material process.

        Please continue eating your own feces.

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      • Diamonds are pretty interesting, and they’re the result of a mindless, random, purposeless, unguided material process.

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      • lol thwack thinks evolution is random

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    • Holy shit…

      Right or wrong, in worst case it cannot be more wrong than your common gender studies farce and sex ed gender chapters farce.

      Even the possibility of this puts a new spin on the raw dogged caroussel rider.

      From this study, I would also conclude that a caroussel rider strictly using condoms is as good as a virgin when it comes to men raising some other man’s storehoused DNA…

      Forget I ever said that.

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    • That, gentleman, is why it is critical that all true alphas use their powers for good on good girls. Put some buns in those ovens early and often.

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    • @Scray, CH

      Betas greatly benefit from mating with virgins and women who are [forced or pressured to be] chaste. Since betas don’t get to mate with many women, they essentially put all their eggs (heh) in one basket, so virginity helps ensure that any progeny produced is from their weak beta seed.

      Alphas have a life long de facto harem, so they don’t give a damn

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      • kant, that’s K-Theory versus R-Theory in a nutshell. K-Theory == Western Civilization. R-Theory == Everybody Else.

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      • on October 3, 2014 at 9:15 am burrito blowout

        we get it.

        you like to slip your serrano pepper prick into used fag buttholes full of other men’s spunk.

        not caring who’s used the hole before you DOES NOT EQUAL alpha.

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      • Kant
        You sound like a moron ..beta alpha what is the difference ..be what you are.. do the best you can with cards ur were dealt..genetically or you get a bunch of fakes trying to be dr dre and snoop dog..what do you think happens when everyone productive becomes copies of them..of that’s right a mentally challenged Jerk off .. already knows the American ghetto

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  9. I will tell my son that the way you look at women as they pass by your presence– is the way a tiger looks at a Gazelle.

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    • on October 2, 2014 at 3:34 pm Travis Bickle

      Exactly. I rarely smile, and when I do, not with my eyes. Don’t give her the real smile until she says something real stupid meant to be serious.

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    • A gazelle? So, IOW, you guys basically figure there’s no way you can catch that thing

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    • @Earl

      Interesting. I read somewhere that cats avoid looking directly at their prey when they are hunting, essentially to not freak them out. I wonder if that’s pertinent here

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      • This is a wild ass guess, but if they do, it seems like it would keep their eyes from being as obvious in low-light conditions. Or if the predator was in plain view and eyes were the most obvious signal of intent to attack certain prey.

        Most prey animals are going to sense movement, smell, strange noises, lack of noises, etc. long before they *feel* your eyes.

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  10. on October 2, 2014 at 2:33 pm Reservoir Tip

    The talking hand with a babbling mouth is a good one, too. Especially when a girl is going on and on about something that’s becoming uninteresting.

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  11. saw from career gal’s social media post that grrlpower magazine (womens biz journal) is fantasizing about the headline “super lawyer Amal marries actor”. To make marginal point about who should be famous. I hadn’t ever heard of Amal beforehand, so I doubt she’s a super lawyer.

    I guess it would be news that a career gal got married at 36.

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    • on October 2, 2014 at 3:55 pm Hilary Clinton

      Still near the closet!

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    • I took a dump over some chick’s FB share on that, who I am trying to bang. Women are borderline insufferable…who wants a 36 year old lawyer? ugh

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    • Is that the chick who married Troy McClure?

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    • I cannot fathom why a man in his 50’s, with seemingly unlimited prospects, would marry a woman over 24 years of age. Has to be part of a plan to hold public office. There can simply be no other reason. Could have really made a statement if he married a fresh college dropout. Fucking trading his masculinity for feminist approval. The fact that we as men have allowed our country to be controlled by minority opinion, never mind the cadre of international bankers and the like, is embarrassing and should be a call to action.

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      • Played hoop with clooney ..years back..there is no masculinity to trade

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      • Doubt the Italians would elect him. As much as they may get slammed, they are already decades ahead of many countries for outright ignoring their government, even more so in the north where Clooney lives. His wife to be would not be a positive there either with the stirring nationalism.

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    • And da bitch look like a horse! He cant marry a GOOD LOOKING SEXY BITCH??? Gotta be some human rights(gag me) lawyer from the UN with the jaws of Mr. Ed. The Darkness is in her-Run Forrest Run! Too late…

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      • now that you mention, as my daily work avoidance took me to scan T&A on uk’s daily mail, they had a comparison of Kate Middleton vs Amal Muddybug (spelling?) wearing the same thing.

        let’s say kate=8, more demure, less skin, hot
        Amal, too much leg, try hard, 6, wnb.

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      • And what about those pointy elbows.

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  12. Just stare at the tits.

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  13. Don’t forget the remote control move either.

    When she’s talking about dumb shit, raise your hand in front of her as if you’re holding a remote control and with a smirk say, “Mute!”

    “Change channel!” and “There’s nothing good on!” work well too.

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  14. So what about staring from a distance, leaving a poem about her, and maybe coming up behind her and whispering something in her ear or grabbing her shoulder?

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  15. I always like the mouth agape, silent “ho ho ho”, exaggerated belly laugh. Can be used when they think they’re funny, or they think what they said is important.

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  16. Her: And more feminist blah, blah…

    http://www.reactiongifs.com/michael-jordan-laughing/

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  17. White Bulldyke has mixed-race baby after sperm mix-up, sues
    http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3210491/posts

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  18. I’ve always been partial to the Spock raised-eyebrow look myself. Women instantly defend whatever they’ve been saying. So I usually reserve it till the topic of men come up and what they find attractive. Then raise the eye-brow and call them on the BS, and tell them exactly what it is that attracts women. They deny, but later – usually in bed or the next morning – admit that you read them like a book…

    I’ll usually say something like, “You know if a woman is lying if her mouth is open and your cock isn’t in it.” Kicks off the fun and games…

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  19. We need someone to demonstrate these faces on youtube. That would be a hilarious skit. Any pua youtubers up for the challenge?

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  20. “What a douche!” translates from the womanese into “Said douche shalt irrigate my vagina tonight!”

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    • Fuckin right, chick I’ve been fuckin a cpl months is spanish so I think douche is her version of asshole. But she calls me a douche all the time, and I always bust on her for her accent, ,mimic her sometimes …always gets her goin’

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  21. The air wank can easily steal her scene. Vary the tempo and your facial expression with what she says, she’ll crack.

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  22. sigh I could have used about half of this today

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    • Well in any case, I used this line today when a female was upset that I detest marshmallows and cream filling:
      Me: I dont like white, creamy stuff. Perhaps you have a different opinion.
      Female: Im not even going to respond.

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  23. don draper taught me this, ch added a cherry

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  24. Now even the feminazis at Huffpo are validating Chateau principles: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5903804

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  25. Another anti-liberal anthem. It’s not just a rightie polemic set to music, it’s a good song in its own right:

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  26. Everyone should go see “Gone Girl.” Critics will miss the point, but it’s a pretty great dark comedy re: reality of marriage. It’s also replete with metaphors for white knights, alphas who have become beta with time, hypergamy, feminism’s effect on society, etc.

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  27. I think I may have come up with a more precise definition of ‘Alpha male’.

    First some definitions for direct and indirect benefits in mate choice.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mate_choice#Direct_and_indirect_benefits

    Direct benefits are those that increase the fitness of the choosy sex through direct material advantages. These benefits include but are not limited to increased territory quality, increased parental care, and protection from predators. There is much support for maintenance of mate choice by direct benefits and it is the least controversial model to explain discriminate mating.

    Indirect benefits increase genetic fitness for the offspring. When it appears that the choosy sex does not receive direct benefits from his or her mate, indirect benefits may be the payoff for being selective. Examples of indirect benefits include better genetic quality and more attractive offspring. R. A. Fisher described this less obvious model in a book called The Genetical Theory of Natural Selection.[9] Fisher explained that, through indirect selection, fitter individuals inherit both the genes and the mating preference for some indicator trait. This linkage of an indicator trait and the preference for such trait results in exaggerated phenotypes and is known as Fisherian runaway selection.

    An ‘Alpha male’ is the male who gets the *best sex with the investment of the least direct benefits. Thus he is being selected primarily for indirect benefits.

    *Best sex= some optimum of quantity and quality. i.e. banging numerous hot 18 year old virgins is better sex than i) banging numerous hot 30 year old sluts, or ii) one hot 18 year old virgin. (Not sure if banging 1000 hot 18 year old virgins once is better than banging one hot 18 year old virgin for a lifetime, what one subjectively prefers would depend where one sits on the r vs K spectrum I imagine. (Personally I would prefer one hot 18 year old virgin for a lifetime who is also faithful and loyal over one night stands with 1000 different hot 18 year old virgins, but I guess I’m pretty K selected.))

    Or put even more precisely,

    An alpha male, is a male who is sexually selected maximally (or at the maximum) for indirect benefits while sexually selected minimally (or at the minimum) for direct benefits.

    This is also the optimum strategy for not being a cuckold.

    So a corollary of this definition would be that the alpha male, is the male who minimises the risk of cuckoldry.

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    • You can always tell a true alpha by the number buns he puts in the oven.

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      • ’cause once you put those buns in a good girls oven she is never gonna stray.

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      • Personally I think it’s less the buns in the oven, and more the satisfaction of the psychological cues that go towards maximising buns in the ovens.

        For instance, no one will consider a cuckold/swinger fetishist who has 8 biological children by his wife but who masturbates in a corner while she has protected sex with other men, to be more an alpha male than a man who has one child with a woman who has only ever slept with him (all other factors being equal of course).

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  28. I’m an older guy so some of these would be a bit too sophomoric for me. But one I’ve used several times on my SO after she has been rambling on for several minutes about who-the-hell-knows, is to look up at her and say “Sorry, did you say something? I wasn’t paying attention.” Most often gets a nice giggle from her.

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    • A good one, especially if you are older and come off more serious is when you are locking eyes with a girl and she is taking a while to break eye contact, stick out your tongue like a school boy (not like a perv). Just a short plemp and back to the serious face. It will crack her up.

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  29. Has anyone else tried out a *serious* (and maybe that’s what was meant) disgust face on non-disgusting girls? I haven’t figured out how to really read the reaction without ruining the act.

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  30. […] Are you a man of few words? Are you a man who’s frequently at a loss for words? Was your tongue removed by a mujahedin? Or do you just think that talky talk is unbecoming a real man? Great news, silent sith lord!  […]

    Like


  31. I like the exaggerated lothario face . problem is i don’t think i can pull it off with a straight face. the thought of it makes me burst into loughter.

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  32. Look of disgust (nose scrunched, eyes squinted).

    Props. Total in-your-face dominance. I used this last Sat. I asked a hottie to dance, she said “No!” in a very nasty tone. I replied with the look of disgust and “What is this?” She melted nicely into sublime submission. However, she couldn’t dance at all, so I danced with her friend instead who told me that she lived just down the street, lol. Logistically isolationable info = display of DTF. “So, are you gonna ask me over to see your etchings?”

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