What To Do When A Woman Compliments You

I’m not sure if the subject of women complimenting men has been covered before at CH, but it’s worth revisiting even so. Reader NorthWestBest asks,

I was wondering how you would accept compliments from a woman? When a woman says, “you’re cute” or “nice shorts, are those new?” or some other bullshit like that, what should I say back in order for her to have the most desirable image for myself. Ill let you know I have no lack of confidence, I will say what ever comes to my mind, but I was hoping you had something clutch to say (you usually do). Also this is just for casual at school interactions where I’m not trying to pick here up (at this specific time) but I’m definitely trying to form a desirable image for future interactions. Also if convenient you should post some more articles on things to say/do with little amounts of time, because I’m in high school and as you probably know already, you don’t have very much one on one time with the women, or a lot of time at all. So thanks in advance if you respond to this.

The CH lesson is always, ALWAYS, supremacy of attitude over execution. If you possess the alpha attitude, the sexy words will fall into place.

Given that axiom, the right attitude to have when a girl compliments you is: yeah, I get this a lot. Act like you’ve heard it before. If you act instead like an excited boy who can’t believe his ears, then the girl will retroactively wonder if you were worth her compliment.

In my experience, the best way to accept compliments from women is

“Thanks”

I’m not being glib. That is often the best response to a girl complimenting you. Say it calmly without effusive gratitude. A flash of smile is the perfect accessory.

That’s how a confident man would respond to being complimented by a woman. He wouldn’t self-efface or doubt the girl’s sincerity or argue with her opinion. A simple ‘thanks’ goes a long way to avoiding any impression that you’re parched for female flattery.

If the context is one in which gaming her is possible, and you want to enrich the conversation beyond ‘thanks’, then you could tease her.

SWEET TEEN GIRL: “nice shorts, are those new?”

HIGH SCHOOL HO MAGNET: “sure. don’t forget to check them out from the back.” [turn around like you’re modeling your butt for her]

Teasing is fun and girls just wanna have fun. Good teasing, like the above, has an element of ‘assuming the sale’. Chicks dig pre-sold men.

UPDATE

As a commenter mentioned, don’t lob a return compliment after a girl compliments you. Girls love men who can accept their compliments without feeling an obligation to answer in kind. Betas tend to do this a lot, because they aren’t comfortably narcissistic enough to accept flattery without feeling unworthy of it.





Comments


  1. […] What To Do When A Woman Compliments You […]

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  2. I have a sort of aversion to vanity in men. Whenever I see a man acting vainly I lose a lot of respect for him. I have seen men go out of there way to dig compliments out of women about how attractive they are. I just view that as feminine behavior. If a woman ever complimented me, I would just say “thanks” simply because you want to be polite and acknowledge her and throwing in some jokes is good too but I would want to move away from placing emphasis on my own looks.

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  3. Part of being above it all is simply being able to take a compliment without having to immediately return one. It is kind of like what Tom Landry said about spiking the ball in the end zone, “Just act like you have been there before.”

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    • The lack of return is key – as an old-timer, I’ve often noticed how often a given compliment is really a woman fishing to get one from me. A “thanks” followed by nothing will lead to a “Well what do you think about my ___” which leads to plenty of opportunities for smartassery

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  4. Heartiste, what if this situation is reversed? What if you’re trying to spit lines at a hot bartender girl or waitress (not necessarily compliments though)? You only have a series of brief moments where your wit and charm can separate you from the chodes since these girls are busy and always on the move, AND they tend to have bitch/frown shields up to guard against said chodes. I don’t think you covered how to charm waitresses in a post of it’s own, correct? I’d like to hear something on this. I already know that wit and charm and aloofness help, and I know interesting open-ended questions work pretty well.

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    • One thing you can do is play them off against each other if there is more than one bartender. Works even if one is a dude. Just tease her playfully, like go to order something and then question her about it, if she has had it etc. but very very playfully, not mean, then call the other bartender over and ask them about the same drink, really engage with the one you called over and say “You know that sounds delicious I will have that thanks” then the girl you are gaming will be like WTF? I was just telling you this and you can get into “well you really weren’t selling it, xyz blah balh, but we have time you can work on this tonight”. She will then bring it up all night and start to qualify herself. Used this recently on a bartender I am gaming for fun.

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  5. @CH is spot-on.

    Never argue with a compliment. Just accept them.

    Many times, they are openers of one sort or another; usually item-of-interest.

    Think of movie stars who get girls swooning over them 24/7 & just say things like, “It’s okay. You’re alright. Calm down. I get this a lot.” -Or if it’s a new one, “Interesting. I haven’t gotten that one yet.”

    Another one of the little mental flip-books to take with you & help your game is a list of the compliments you’ve gotten. Go to it whenever you get one & you should be in the right frame of mind to respond to the new.

    Watch out though, women will occasionally say some surprising stuff, so get ready with maybe a short laugh & a smirk to blow off the tension.

    I have often thought that certain compliments might even be a form of Beta-Bait, or right-handed shit-tests. But the smartass self-satisfied frame usually negates that angle fast.

    If you get her thinking, or calling you an arrogant ass with a smile on her face, you got it right.

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  6. This is solid. Good advice.

    I typically wear a tie, a cool lapel pin, scarf, hat, or this really nice cologne my buddy made…and when I go out, inevitably, a chick will say:

    “I love your [insert object]”

    My response is a smile and: “Thanks. I love your taste in dashing men.”

    That always gets a giggle and arm slap. Gold.

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  7. As Harvey Spector would – “Thank you ….So do I” http://youtu.be/xD7lHLZu8Us

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  8. Depends on how sincere and insightful the compliment is. A toss-off, suck-up, or conversation starter deserves a simple thanks then consider her remark as a invitation into topics I want to cover. When a woman says to me “Oh! You look like Arnold Schwarzenegger!” I just answer “Yah” and carry on with the kino.

    Sometimes you get a compliment that is special in that she’s got some brains in her head and her eyes wide open. She’s been paying special attention to you. Treat these with some respect. Look her in the eye and go for the “soul connection moment.” Raise your eyebrows and say “thank you, I’ll consider that” then be quiet for a moment while you consider that (builds tension and intimacy!) Smile and carry on with the kino. She’ll believe that she’s found a guy to build a relationship with and feels like the connection has begin or deepened,

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  9. I started reading CH my late in my junior year of high school. Ah….

    Reminds me of a story.

    I started lifting weights my junior year as well, so by senior year, I had put on a decent amount of size. People would routinely comment on how jacked I was getting.

    So one day in physics class, the girl that sat behind me comments,

    “Wow RT, that shirt makes you look jacked.”

    “That’s because I am jacked.”

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  10. Here’s one from the annals of real life: what do you say when someone else compliments your girlfriend in front of you? Ex: you bring your gf to a bar/restaurant where the (older woman) hostess knows you. You introduce her to your girlfriend and she turns to you and says “oh, she’s beautiful!” Kind of a compliment to you, isn’t it? What do you say?

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  11. It has a limited amount of uses, but it never hurts to throw in a “baby I know” when a woman compliments you. It’s hilarious and I’ve never met a woman who could stifle the eye-rolling-smile that reveals her pleasure with the asshole-whimsy cocktail you just stirred for her.

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  12. on September 19, 2014 at 11:55 am Lurking Gorilla

    What about this, which happened to me yesterday. While shopping I bumped into a girl who I’d banged earlier in the week (I’d made plans to meet her again). She was giggly and effusive, *very* into me.

    She texted me seconds after we parted, “I don’t know why I behaved like that, you make me nervous, you make me excited, I never feel this way. Your eyes…Your voice…Mmmmmmm. The way you look at me and talk to me, I can’t concentrate!”

    Fuckin hell. I don’t think she’s a nutbag, I just struck a limbic chord with her. I’m not e-bragging. I’m average looking at best, but there’s chemistry between us. What the hell do I text to that? I’m only somewhat interested in her, she’s got a great body, cute face, doesn’t stir my loins too deeply, but I enjoyed banging her.

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  13. @newlyaloof… one that has worked particularly well for me is to pick up on something about them (race, height, age, tattoos or piercing etc) and make a sort-of-compliment. One particularly attractive half-Japanese bartender I talked up a couple weeks ago responded with my comment of “It’s like you’re a cocktail ninja!” with a $25 dollar tab after about 10 rounds. Don’t be afraid to leverage charm for free stuff like the ladies do. It flips the script on them, a CH standard, and gets their wheels turning. Another would be for a short bartender “Shots Elf” or tell her she’s “fun-sized”. Let your imagination go and have some fun with this.

    Christian McQueen may have covered this one before but using bartenders as wing-girls can work pretty well too because you are prequalified by interacting with a pretty lady, it also takes the pressure off the bartender because for once a patron is not (directly) hitting on her. Also whether it’s a guy or a girl and I know i’m going to be staking out territory for the night and I’m new to the bar I’ll drop a $10 or $20 tip with the first round. I’ve often drank for FREE for the night after pulling that one.

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    • Thanks. Yeah, I remember McQueen’s post about posting up in an airport bar. Great advice. And I like to pre-tip too. Sarcastically, I might say, “I’m drinking to forget tonight, honey, so I better tip you now.” In my pre-married days I would have appended that with, “I’m drinking to forget tonight, honey, so I better tip you know and ask for your number before I forget.” When you say it not giving a F about the outcome and just having fun with it, the girls can tell, and even if they don’t want to give you their number, they enjoy the flirting.

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  14. “Stop fishing for compliments” delivered in a playful manner always worked great for me.
    My boyish looks often get me called “cute” by girls which I don’t like that much so I quickly put the spotlight back on her and let her squirm a bit.

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  15. I have a different approach:

    Woman: You seem well read

    Me: Not only that I read a lot of books

    Woman: Are you the introspective sort?

    Me: I don’t know, but I don’t talk much

    Any time a woman lays a hint of intellectual snobbery, this approach elicits a laugh and tingles follow.

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  16. I agree with CH. Optimal seems to be “Thanks,” or a smiling “Thank you.”
    What’s tough is figuring out when a compliment on your looks presents an opportunity to game a girl or when it’s best to leave well enough alone.

    At a bar or at the club or whatever, who cares, right? When you’re in a social environment with zero long-term consequences, optimal is for suckers. Play to win. So in those situs, it’s always better to be bold, “thanks. Is this how you flirt?”

    But when you’re at a higher class event, proceeding onto “gaming” territory uninvited can earn you some social circle backlash. So it’s important to know when she’s waving you onto that landing strip or if she’s just waving politely.

    Who here has some ways to tell if a girl, in a social circle setting, is complimenting you as an IOI versus complimenting you as a way to be nice.

    Is there a difference between “that’s a nice shirt, it’s really good for your skin” and “you look good, you look like you’ve been hitting the weights?”

    Sound off d00ds, I want to get better at working in the social circle.

    [CH: my working assumption is that all female compliments are laced with sexual intent until proven otherwise. it’s just a fact of nature that women don’t compliment men, especially random men, unless there’s a sexual impulse motivating them.]

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    • In more rigid social settings, it’s just difficult to glean the sexual intent.

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      • on September 20, 2014 at 1:41 pm having a bad day

        @scray

        as sentient mentions eye contact is the gold standard of social circle flirting…hold eye contact with her until she looks away (don’t forget to smirk…lol)…your gut will tell you every thing you need to know…lol…

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      • With a real deep, deep eye fuck, while you are both prattling on about the 3rd grade fund raiser or some other topical bullshit on the surface… when she licks her lips and swallows… well that is the big tell.

        Nice tie, nice shirt, but no kino (by her) or eye fucking… meh. she is probably a flirt, especially if she is there with a dude.

        Get really really good at strong eye contact, without any silly leer in you. All smug intent. Pour yourself into it. You can hear panties moistening.

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    • I think it’s your standard stuff.

      Repeated/longer eye-contact, physical proximity, the accidental brush up against you, triangulating you as a stop along the way to someplace she has to go, subconscious self-touching, fiddling with clothes or parading, if she has a wingwoman there, possibly a conspiratorial vibe or even confab then eye-contact @ you, wider than normal stance, feet or lower half in your direction when seated, maybe even a furtive shoe-dangle in your direction, monopolizing your time/dance, neck-flash, wrist-flash, whole-face smile vs. lower-face only, etc. etc. etc.

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    • CH’s assumption is a good one to work from. While both compliments suggest some level of interest, there is a HUGE difference between articles of clothing and your actual physical appearance. In my social circles, in the South in UMC community, the term of art is “fit”, sounds innocuous right? But you look “really fit” followed by any type of kino SHE initiates, basically means heads down ass up is on her mind. Very polite circle though and everyone talks, so discretion is key.

      Just hang and observe. Test the fence a few times with long eye contact on your part, which could be very forward in these settings, and stay tight in her personal space. Work your eye game, and her eyes will tell you the rest. Don’t kino as you normally would… too direct and observable, but when you stay close and keep the eyes locked, she will kino you, lots of arm touches, forearm and bicep and the dead giveaway, when you part she will rub your shoulders and down your back to your waist as she walks past you smiling at the room. She appears in the crowd as just friendly but watch her and she wont be like that with everyone. If you are there with a girl, she will stay glued to your side the rest of the night after one of these passes… hmmmmmm?

      This type of subtle stuff. Lends to isolation as major escalation. Keep everything super discrete in the group though.

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      • I guess the issue arises when there’s a compliment like that, followed by seemingly nothing. No kino, no initiation of conversation, engagements in conversation are pretty small-talky.

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    • If it’s in front of your wife, everybody will pretend it’s just a nicety, so the proper thing to do is escalate discreetly, unless she’s hideous or related by blood.

      If you’re cornered, let her feel your shirt or your muscles, as appropriate. [NB, I’ve received both compliments from the same chick–more than once– so I don’t see much difference there.]

      If it’s the hostess or a woman playing a similar role, possibly she is setting you up. The compliment in this case is an invitation to make an impression on a third party. You just have to know the situation. The form won’t matter, and the cues in the delivery may be subtle.

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  17. OK gamesters, time for another Friday Challenge. Today’s challenge, since it is football season, is day game in a sports bar. Kind of like night game, but different challenges. Bonus is you get basically another two “party nights” in if you choose your spot wisely.

    So whether you are doing college football games on Saturday or NFL games on Sunday you will find a) daytime has a tendency to curb drinking (but those that do are on more of a binge) b) lot’s of guys around and lot’s of mixed sets c) defined duration i.e. when the game is over things break up fast, presents it’s own challenges and opportunities and d) a wider range of ages than you would typically see in one spot on a Saturday night.

    The scene:

    So let’s see some of your best openers and strategies for mixed set approaches, and tips on extraction when the game comes to an end. Pay special attention to isolating your target from her group and dealing with beta orbiting guys, and the random boyfriend.

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    • 1) Background noise will overwhelm most all conversation. 2) Fraternity/Sorority chemistry is hyper-clique-ish. Honestly, I have no experience with Sports Bar Game. Might try to distinguish yourself with brutal Racist Game opener – frown at television screen and then say, “Any of y’all Tri-Delt sisters gone mudshark on us?”

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      • The other thing which really leaps out at you is that, even though they are the same age chronologically, those 20-y.o. females are physically and emotionally ready to marry and push out babies for 40-y.o. men, whereas the 20-y.o. boys are emotionally and physically attuned to dating 14/15-y.o. girls.

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      • For big tits red “SCO..”, who is lunging at the camera, with ectomorph date cheering behind her, you could go with a hard neg of “Fess up, you’re really his Mom, right?”

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      • Just getting physically close enough to shout in her ear will require a frigging decathlon’s worth of shoving people out of the way. Could try befriending dudes on exterior edge of pack, but that’s a huge investment in time.

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    • I’ve tried this before. Since it’s college football season and the girls will be wearing their school jerseys, come up to the group and say, “YOu know why I hate [[insert school name here that she’s wearing a shirt for]]?” They’ll ask why. You say, “Because those bastards wait listed me and I had to go to [[insert other college name here]].” Then you can ask, “So was it as good as I’ve heard it was?” And you’re in. At some point you can say, “Man, you guys need to adopt me into your social circle. This is where the fun’s at.” Dudes won’t even bust your balls.

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    • You pull out your camera, point it conspicuously at the crowd, make sure they all know you’re doing it, then shout: “Now, I need everyone here, whatever you do next, do not think about DEAD BABIES!!!” being absolutely sure that you capitalize “dead babies.” They will erupt in laughter and smiles because everyone knows that dead babies are hilarious. And, click, great photo.

      Now you take the photo and show it to the slits so they can see what they looked like when you told them to not think about dead babies. They will learn a very valuable lesson about themselves and you will get SO LAID.

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    • The guy in red at the left looks like he might be the toughest guy in the room, so you go up to him when he’s not looking, square up, and sucker-punch him as hard as you can, don’t say a word. The skinny girl in front of him in the photo will be shocked by your opener, so in her moment of distraction you grab her beer and finish it one long draught, let loose a mighty braaaap!, and hand the empty back to her. If she gives you any lip, you let her know you’re not afraid to hit a girl.

      From there, I think the interaction pretty much writes itself.

      Pro tip: I look a lot like the guy in the blue shirt, except my ears are more aerodynamic.

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    • Slit isolation technique:

      “Niggaball is for wife beaters and child abusers. Come over here with me and I’ll annihilate your self-esteem in a game of pool.”

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    • “I love getting shitfaced in the middle of the day. I’d be drunk 24/7 if I could get away with it.”

      “Hey, what’s on tap here? I left my glasses in my car and I can’t see anything.”

      “Hey, are you cute? I forgot my glasses and I can’t see anything.”

      “Hey, who’s playing? I forgot my glasses again, dammit.”

      “Hey, what are those guys trying to do? What are the rules of football — can you explain it to me? I forgot my glasses and I can’t see anything in here.”

      “So how many of these guys you banged? Like, all of them?”

      “Would you date a black guy if he worked for the NFL?”

      “Hey, do you think Rice’s wife deserved to be domesticated the way she was? Or do you think Rice should be summarily lynched in public?”

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  18. Depends. LSU fans are different from Stanford fans who differ from Oakland Raider fans.

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    • But women are women…. show us your game

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      • Judging by the Sconnie shirt, those are Badger girls – look her up and down and say “Yup – pretty sure you can’t teach me how to Bucky” and go from there

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      • Black-and-gold chick is an obvious outlier, and there’s an opener in that somehow [“Aw, did they lie and tell you that they were taking you to a Steelers game?”, spoken with sad puppy-dog-eyes pout followed by shit-eating-grin].

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      • @ZS – that’s an Iowa fan – ask her if she’s Vodka_Sam

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      • Hawkeyette in Wiskyville? Gotta hit her with some corn-fed farmer’s daughter jokes. Also NCAA wrestling jokes – quickly sexualize it with jello-wrestling talk.

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      • Then Wisky chicks get milk/egg/cheese dairy jokes. For instance, when talking to Hawkeyette, refer to big tits “SCONNIE” girl as “Elsie the Cow over there”.

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      • Probably also some ethnic German jokes here – German papist chicks drink beer like fish drink water. And open a bottle of vodka around Polish chicks and they will drink you right under the table.

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      • Vulnerability Game can be handy around papist chick boozers: “Baby, if y’all go hardcore Oktoberfest on my ass, then I ain’t gonna be able to rise to the occasion for ya when it really counts.”

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  19. “I know.”

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  20. I don’t like people sucking up and I refuse to accept compliments that are inaccurate. For example a girl complimented an article I wrote one time and I told her it’s not a good article and that I wrote it because I had to. She got mad at me and told me I need “to learn how to accept compliments.” No thanks, I won’t accept undeserved flattery.

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    • Even when it appears to be an IOI? That’s beyond honesty, that’s self-sabotage.

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      • “That’s beyond honesty, that’s self-sabotage.”

        yeah, you were being a pretentious dick to a girl who was trying to get your attention by being, of all things…nice and supportive.

        congratulations, you’re well on your way to finding that bitchy, non-supportive girl of your dreams.

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    • Just curious what you possibly expected to accomplish, by being rude to someone who didn’t read your mind properly. That was a very strange reaction to a compliment.

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  21. It’s funny, but when I compliment a girl, I *require* her to say “Thank you”. By that I mean if one of the current harem girl has undertaken an effort to tone up, and this has a pleasing effect on her ass, I may remark on it. If she dissembles about how she needs to keep working out etc., I will say, “I know”, and then instruct her that, when I pay her a compliment, she is to say “Thank you” and nothing else. It rings the “submissive” bells in their brains which translates into pussy tingles. That said, I don’t give compliments out like Halloween candy, so when I do drop one it is (a) earned, and (b) works like catnip.

    À bientôt,

    Mistral

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  22. @YaReally, HABD and anyone else. I wanted to ask this serious question. Since my game has gotten tighter and I’ve begun banging more chicks I’ve noticed something. Perhaps this is “normal” or maybe I’m just reading something more into this than is there after the “idealization” from my Borderline ex gf.

    After the first time I banged my Borderline ex gf she was immediately texting me all sorts of effusive nonsense, hoovering me in with all sorts of promises of sex, hotness, spoiling me etc.

    I’ve since banged 10 girls. There are a few that are most recent. After I’ve banged them they’ve remained quite cool and aloof.

    The one is 26 and totally into BDSM. We text maybe once a week and that’s only to make plans to bang. She went out and bought all these “toys” and is up for anything. We don’t text, we just bang.

    Second is a 25 year old nanny who I met online and who before meeting and banging her insisted she wanted a “Good man”. But after banging her we are in sporadic touch. She works basically 7 day stretches and I’m traveling so the times to meet are rare.

    Third is actress who is in a show. I banged her this week. She was totally into it, then suddenly went cool. We text banter but otherwise she or I are busy and can’t meet up.

    There’s a 27 year old Vietnamese smoking hot girl and entrepeneur who comes through my city that I banged off Tinder. My game was tight and she was the nastiest bang ever. After that she texted back to say “I’m quite busy and can’t meet you again.” Me: k. That was it. No drama. I was a bit surprised waiting for some weirdness to evolve. It didn’t. It was awesome and then we moved on.

    Fifth is a nanny I met who lives in my neighbourhood. Thin, sexy, but again only gets one day off. I immediately sexualized our exchange and she was responsive. We’ll be meeting up in a week or so when we’re both free.

    I know I’m not giving off any weird beta vibes because I’m not contacting them everyday. With BDSM queen once in a while when I feel like it I’ll flick her a link to some erotic pix website and she’ll write back “I want to be your nasty bitch”. I’m surprised there’s very little drama with these girls. It’s either on or off with them. If we’re both free we meet up—when together we have a blast. Then we’re on our own from there. They never ask about other girls. The one girl in that group said “I’m grateful you give me you time.”

    I’m not complaining or concerned but as an observation the common element these girls have is all in their mid-20’s, all are busy, all are decidedly cool and aloof by text but crazy hot and bubbly in person.

    This is in contrast to the teacher in her 30’s I was banging and pulled away from who was super clingy and demanding. The situation I find myself in is good but a little unusual.

    Any thoughts on this dynamic? Any insights into how to proceed with these and others who I’m meeting? My game is definitely getting tighter. The time I’m spending with all these girls is about banging and having a great time not some drama-filled nonsense that I’ve written about at length before.

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    • @walawala

      A few thoughts…

      “my game has gotten tighter and I’ve begun banging more chicks ”

      “I’ve since banged 10 girls… After I’ve banged them they’ve remained quite cool and aloof.”

      “I know I’m not giving off any weird beta vibes because I’m not contacting them everyday. ”

      “It’s either on or off with them. ”

      “the common element these girls have is all in their mid-20’s”

      “This is in contrast to the teacher in her 30’s I was banging and pulled away from who was super clingy and demanding.”

      What you are running into is the confluence of tight game meeting the modern mid-20’s girl…. All of these girls had windows (as @yareally has written at length on in the archive) that you basically forced yourself through with your game skills. Now some the window may have been open juuuuust a crack and you had to pry it open with a crowbar, some may have been open wide so you could walk through hands raised… but they all closed down after.

      The common element beyond their age is your pulling the game levers and getting to the bang. So you took skillful advantage of an open window and spiked attraction but these limited interactions don’t lend themselves to building rapport or comfort. Then you factor in ASD/buyer remorse on one end of the spectrum and satisfied “sex camel” at the other end of the spectrum and you have what you have. Infrequent sexual interactions and not much emotional attachment. (see Roosh on the sex camel thing, basically the point that women can shut down their sex drives for months or years if they want to. They have a responsive desire, if it is not triggered they are pretty dormant, one question you may want to ask in your debrief, after when did you want to fuck me, is when is the last time you had sex… If she says anything with months, you probably have a sex camel on your hands).

      Now this is with the mid-20’s girl. remember they are like clouds, not just with their emotions always changing, but they are also buffeted by their environment, blown hither and thither by the winds of the moment. It’s not you per se, it’s that you haven’t built up enough gravity to draw them into your orbit. So they are all about how they feel this morning when they wake up, what texts they got, what updates on their feeds, congress with their i-device, drama from Jennifer he gave her some sub-communicated slight she needs to agonize over and discuss with Stephanie, that sale over at XYZ store she wants to go hit, her Mom asking her questions about her life, some BS at her “job” and wondering if she had safe sex and might be pregnant… Just a deluge of shit all going on, all hitting emotions, all forcing the cloud to shift its shape and all of it being blown along.

      How do you penetrate that thicket? Well obviously game and sex, but most likely when she is ovulating… she is likely dialed down most of the time otherwise unless you have that gravity to pull her into your orbit. More on that in a bit.

      Now the 30’s girl is a bit different. Still emotional but now she is also siting the wall on the horizon and she will LOOK to find a way into your orbit. It is easier to get her to focus on your value because she has already been through the carefree BS of her 20’s and she feels her eggs drying up. so you get her initiating contact with you, chasing you more etc. and she is totally willing to put more investment into sexing you up because she knows how the game is played. To the mid-20’s girls, who you haven’t established real value with, she can dip her net into the stream of guys in her life and scratch the sex itch whenever she wants. 30’s girl has less options for that. Shit is starting to get serious.

      In order to get the kind of emotional investment you want (and apparently may need) from the mid 20’s girl you will need to demonstrate super high value, such that she is compelled to orbit YOU. Best established via social circles, so she can observe your value over time, test its authenticity and key off of the pre-selection in the group and have that trigger her hypergamy. Now you can’t game this kind of value, you have to demonstrate it and then give her a shot at being a part of it, of entering your world and sharing your awesome. You have to be authentic for this to happen. Then when she is “next up” with you, she won’t blow it by wasting time checking her I-device…

      Like


      • @Sentient great post. I just met up with another 20’s girl I was gaming months ago, who flaked, then I lost contact with her and suddenly met last night at a party. She was literally dripping wet with the sexual innuendos. “Why didn’t you call me???” “Oh you remembered me!!” “Im wearing underwear as my dress…” etc. I was basically practicing amused mastery…

        She basically wanted me to cart her out for drinks ie bang…this night but because I had to work the next morning I wasn’t up for a two drink and then all night bang session so I reframed HER plans to meet next week. We’ll see how that one pans out.

        But honestly, I didn’t care whether I saw her next week or not. If she’s there ok…if not well, I’ve got a few others I can tap.

        As for the lack of emotional investment on the part of the girls I’m banging or banged…. I think I was so used to drama that the lack of it feels oddly spooky. The girls flake or have flaked but have not really gone full-hamster nuts. Will monitor this and report if this evolves into anything post-worthy.

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    • @walawala

      Your Attraction and Seduction game are good but your Comfort (Rapport and Qualification) game is poor. Work on that

      If she feels like a special snowflake around you, AND you’re alpha, she will make time to see you and stick around. This applies to fuck buddies as well.

      I think seducing girls is easy, the hard part is getting these bitches to meet up. Especially here, I live in NYC where every girl works her 80 hour / week finance / consulting / law job and lives with three girlfriends who want to go out with her every night and have 10 guys who want to date her and 50 social events from work / guys / social circle to choose from every night. So how do you get her to actually meet up?

      Send cryptic texts like “you around this weekend?” or “what are you doing tomorrow?” she will wonder what you have in mind and from whatever she texts back you can calibrate and pitch whatever you feel like

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      • @kant yes, this is a common theme in my game and I live in the NYC of Asia so it’s very similar to what you describe.

        The “Comfort/Rapport” is beta orbiter behavior. It’s a hard nut to crack because girls here will decide very quickly whether they’re going to fuck you or whether you’re an orbiter.

        IF they are up for fucking, it could take time to bang them because if it takes 3-4 “dates” or meet ups, sometimes those meet ups will be 3 weeks apart….UNLESS you’re in a bf/gf situation.

        Then, in my experience girls will be shit testing you so much you’ll only want to see them every 2-3 weeks.

        My new situation of finding a kind of “rotation” has helped to buffer this.

        Even the bdsm girl…she is only free every couple of weeks even though she has no desire for “comfort” and wants me to be rougher and rougher. The nannies are legitimately busy and need to make money on their weekends but that’s not loss. The actress is in a show and this new one had been traveling or otherwise not coming out in my social circle.

        Another thing about the “orbiter” and comfort dynamic…the girls I’m banging tell me point blank they HATE clingy guys. So a disappearing act is vital to maintaining the mystery they crave. Big city girl game?

        Like


      • on September 20, 2014 at 7:36 pm having a bad day

        @wala

        i agree with kant on this…

        “The “Comfort/Rapport” is beta orbiter behavior.”

        no…’provisioning’ behavior (like giving a girl money for a theatre ticket…lol…OR WAITING for her to be ‘ready’ for a relationship with you…lol) is beta…you can definitely be alpha and do the comfort/rapport interaction…

        i understand the viewpoint of trying to eliminate ALL beta behavior (and why you have a particular blind spot on this…your crazy exgf…), but you can still have comfort and rapport with girls in your rotation. and when you do that, they’ll be calling you whenever they’re ‘free’…likely a couple times a week…lol…regardless of what they say about ‘clingy’ men…lol…(which is likely just an emotional defense on their part to your lack of comfort/rapport…)

        comfort and rapport is EMOTIONAL…so it’s necessary part of seduction…it’s the ‘pull’ part of push/pull…it has nothing to do with provisioning…also, it’s NOT being an emotional tampon/beta orbiter. there’s a qualitative difference between listening to her complain about work/other guys being assholes/etc = beta…and LETTING her connect with YOU emotionally…and encouraging that…

        that’s likely why theatre girl got cold…you missed some comfort/rapport cues and she started shit testing you by wanting money for her ticket…lol

        the next time you do your post-sex ‘debrief’ instead of just sexual topics, ask her what her favorite memory is of her childhood (there is NOTHING beta about that = NO provisioning ambiguity)…and then LISTEN to her answer (including the subcomms she conveys…) and see how that works…

        good luck!

        Like


      • @habd Thanks. Much of this is still a work in progress for me. I move forward and back. Your advice has been solid. Comfort/rapport is tough for me for the reasons you mention.

        Any other suggestions for this?

        Like


      • Poon Commandment IX

        “IX. Connect with her emotions

        Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.”

        Basically anything you can ask that is open ended and she gets to talk, talk talk is fair game. Can be past, present or future…

        Past – “what was your first boyfriend like”

        Present – “what do you like about what you are doing (job)”?

        Future – “If you had a month free, how would you spend it, where would you go?”

        Anything…. with deep eye contact and then you can do a little sharing, not too much, yourself… Don’t over run the conversation or dominate it from your side…

        Also tapping into emotional things like a death of a parent, sibling, grandparent etc. will really open her up and connect her.

        Finish off with anything like “you really are different from the other girls I see…” and let that hang there.

        Like


      • on September 20, 2014 at 9:16 pm having a bad day

        @wala

        …DON’T listen to her bitch…DO listen to her ‘positive’ thoughts/feelings/etc…and encourage those positive feelings…

        to shut down a bitch session, just say (in a matter-of-fact way) “i’m not your therapist…i don’t want to hear about that. tell me the second BEST thing that happened to you last week…”

        she’ll ask you why not the first best thing and you’ll say “i already know you met me/saw me/banged me last week, so i wanted to hear something different…”…lol…

        note the focus of it being your choice of topic and the lack of butt hurtedness…lol…just a matter-of-fact redirect/reframe to something that YOU choose…but is still about HER…lol…you are LETTING her tell you about herself, but only the positive stuff…at least for now…

        if it turns into a shit test where she ‘needs’ to vent/bitch = agree and amplify just like normal…lol…then return to the “tell me about the second best thing that happened to you last week…” and keep comfort and rapport building…that’s a massive alpha boost bc it shows your social skills/competence…while still building comfort/rapport…

        good luck!

        Like


      • on September 20, 2014 at 9:21 pm having a bad day

        @wala

        also, just saw sentient’s post = cosign…lol…

        Like


      • @sentient/Habd good insights.

        Like


  23. The ones that throw me are the ambiguous ones. Blast from the past:

    “You look GQ”

    “What’s that mean?”

    “You know, the magazine, GQ.”

    “I guess.”

    “It just means you look stylish.”

    “Oh, thank you.”

    Like


  24. […] I’m not sure if the subject of women complimenting men has been covered before at CH, but it’s worth revisiting even so. Reader NorthWestBest asks, I was wondering how you would accept compliments from a woman?  […]

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  25. In general, I ignore half or more of compliments, other than a smile/nod while keeping the conversation going. If I say “thanks” it’s practically mid-sentence while talking about something else.

    Seems like there are three motivations for a girl to issue a compliment:

    a. she just likes something about you — it’s innocent. (Not manipulative. These should be acknowledged. Also, since she’s not trying to get anything from you, via complimenting, she’s probably communicating useful information in her compliment.)

    b. she wants you to compliment her (more). (Manipulative. Perhaps contemptible. Ignore.)

    c. she’s trying to lock you down or get you to do something else for her. (Manipulative. Needy. Make sure you’re using birth control.)

    C) is what I’m going through at the moment with one of my girlfriends. She’s trying to move the relationship to a higher plane, and her emails and texts of late include very flattering compliments. I ignore them, in the main. Sucking up is unattractive, it’s obvious and transparently manipulative, and she should spend more energy just making our time together better.

    Like


  26. “Nice tie!”
    “I agree.”

    “Nice shot!”
    “I agree.”

    “Good job on that presentation!”
    “I agree.”

    Like


  27. Many years ago a woman gave me a lesson on responding to a compliment. I was stumbling through an aw shucks beta reply to a compliment she paid me and she stopped me in my tracks and said ” just say thanks”. Last I heard she was dating a deep sea welder who owned a marine engineering oil services company. I suspect that guy was fairly alpha.

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  28. I prefer “I know.” with a slight smirk when complimented.

    Like


  29. Best response:

    (Pregnant pause)
    “I know”
    (Light smirk and when she laughs/hits u in the arm etc., kino plow)

    Like


  30. ‘shut up baby, i know’

    Like


  31. I have a question for anyone who is good at this, and many of you are better than I am at this,

    In a text message a woman ( I banged about a year ago who I had not talked to in months), sent me a message on Facebook and she ends it with ; xxx

    most people would agree those xxx are three kisses

    I replied ( I would not mind seeing her/banging her again ) but did not put any x at the end, I never use those, I see them as a girl thing or even a gay thing

    Am I wrong?

    What is the correct response to a girl that ends a message with xxx?

    Can you guys help? ( including you CH!)

    Like


  32. “I know”…is very short and makes the girl smile every single time

    Like


  33. My go to answer is “I know” with a slight smirk and a nod (well 2-3), took me years of being earnest and wondering what the right response was before realising I didn’t give a fuck. If in doubt think of Pulp Fiction and coffee.

    Like


  34. How about just a cocksure “I know”? With or without a cocksure smirk.

    Like


  35. I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t know how to respond to a compliment from a girl. Even in my beta days I did well, not that I’ve been complimented much btw.

    While queueing for lunch in grad school, a cute girl stands behind me and asks me some school-related stuff. I tell her that I don’t discuss “work” over lunch and she can come to my room later if she needs help.
    She then drops : “I’ve never noticed but you have cute eyes”.
    I smile and say : “Thanks, here, have a better look”.
    Then I bring my face next to hers, lips almost touching while maintaining eye contact. Heavy makeout follows. Never banged her as I was already engaged that time, beta is beta.

    A real compliment from a girl is the highest IOI ever.

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  36. Back when I was young and did not know that I was mighty, my default response to compliments from girls was, “I’m so glad we agree.”

    This really pissed off my girlfriend’s sister, which is one of the best signs I was doing it right.

    Like