How To Do Anniversaries The Alpha Way

V. writes:

Yesterday it was my 7th month anniversary with my girl. She has been nagging about never celebrating it, so I wrote her name on the street with piss right in front of her and took a picture for the memory.

Anniversaries. The word conjures images of beta males frantically buying gifts at the last second for wives or girlfriends to honor nearly forgotten calendar dates the poor saps believe will earn them major romance cred. But anniversaries are not inherently beta.

If your girl imparts great significance to off-year anniversaries, or to any anniversary having to do with dating milestones rather than the much more onerous (and drably expected) marriage milestones, you are likely an alpha male. A girlfriend who wants to celebrate a seven month anniversary with you is thankful for each and every second of your company. To her, the months are as magical as decades would be to the woman married to a dutiful beta provider.

The weirder the reason for, and the timing of, the anniversary, the more alpha you are. So if she wants to celebrate the one month anniversary of the time you took her out on a real date, you are probably an alpha male. If she starts saying stuff like, “It’s 8:35, Wednesday evening. Remember this time? It was the first time you kissed me. And it was raining outside, just like tonight…,” you are probably an alpha male.

If you are a man who surprises your girlfriend with trivial anniversaries she had no idea existed nor even the remotest interest in celebrating, please lop off your balls. They are obviously doing you no good.

PS You don’t have to spend a lot of money on anniversary gifts. You don’t have to spend any money, for that matter. A woman will, over the years, recall more fondly her name pissed on the street or in the snow than she will the tennis bracelet wrapped by department store staffers.





Comments


  1. Slightly off topic, but right after i read this i saw a yahoo news headline about christina aguillera. Its all about how she loves that shes “got a booty” and loves flaunting her “curves”. Another mainstream article taking the shame out of women getting fat. last time i saw her she looked fat as fuck. Major hamster overdrive.

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  2. First

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  3. “Seven months” anniversary? What the crap? Are there also eight and nine months anniversaries?

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    • on September 5, 2012 at 12:34 am Nobody of Import

      For those with Hamsters in warpdrive mode, yeah…

      They also have one, two, etc. month anniversaries.

      Honestly…if they’re worrying about things THAT often, they’re very likely to be damaged goods. However, Heartiste’s telling you the straight skinny regardless of how often they worry about silly crap like this.

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  4. Off-year “anniversaries” bug the shit out of me. There’s no such thing as a “7th month anniversary,” because “annum” means year. Period. That said, maybe I’ve been looking at this the wrong way.

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    • You have been looking at this the wrong way!

      Odd anniversaries rank second only to a modern slut confessing “You’re the first guy to…”.

      Both are notable tells that she’s really hooked.

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  5. My impression was always that women who celebrate odd anniversaries are being demanding for resources, probably because they see you more as a meal ticket then as a real man. I have to say, I haven’t dated a lot of women who made a big deal out of anniversaries. Maybe I’m just too beta. 🙂

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  6. “Oh, it’s our anniversary?” Dumps ice cold water all over her. “Happy anniversary!”

    And a 7 month anniversary gift? Email her a link to the meaning of the word anniversary.

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  7. Women do the 1 year and the six month anniversaries with me. Those are sacred days I must not forget. Their birthday is also sancrosanct.

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  8. Yesterday it was my 7th month anniversary with my girl. She has been nagging about never celebrating it, so I wrote her name on the street with piss right in front of her and took a picture for the memory.

    Hound dog game

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  9. Initiated on the guy’s end? I can understand that being an alpha manuever. I can see a remembering the date of a first date or first kiss or other significant event, and wanting to celebrate that, too. But this smacks to me of mere immaturity. Shouldn’t this situation classify that girl as a clingy, superficial child rather than a woman endlessly enamored with her alpha? This is something high school girls do; girls whose runaway emotions cause her to experience a kind of time dilation, and translate a month of dating into their fantasy LTR, and begin to act accordingly. Perhaps she is a teenager, and it’s cute because she’s 19 or something like that. But on anybody old enough to drink, I can’t imagine it’d be a good trait.

    This would be an indication to such a girl that the guy reciprocates her artificially inflated feelings about him, which just makes everything messier for both parties if that’s not the case. These kinds of immature idiots instigate the worst break-up drama, too, especially if they’re running that gifts=love=forever calculus in their heads. (Although, granted, even a beta guy probably doesn’t deal with the aftermath of his girlfriend’s post-breakup melodrama to the same degree that her annoyed but pressured-into-pretending-to-care friends/roommates do.) Indulging sophomoric expressions of unnecessary sentimentality just seems like a beta move to me.

    The second part’s so true, though. Girls don’t care about how much a gift costs (unless, again, she’s a superficial bitch), especially not if the presentation of said gift is good. For me, at least, it’s more about the memories it conjures up. That’s what’s special in something for us…

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    • Even the supposedly most “sophisticated” vaginas revert to 13 year olds in presence of celebrity males so please spare us the only “immature women” act like this criticism. I once lived in the DC area and this post describes many of those late 20’s early 30’s professional, urban chicks to a tee.

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      • Yep! I ate and fucked a LOT of pussy ion those days. Ha ha ha.

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      • Monica for lunch? Ewwwwww!!!

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      • All I was trying to say was that it says more about the woman than the man in this situation. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s an alpha. It just means she’s being female. You don’t take credit for it when a girl uses her period as an excuse to be bitchy, right? I’ll refrain from resorting to NAWALT, but “professional and urban” does not describe every girl out there. A girl who’s going to subordinate herself to that lifestyle already has a certain amount of buy-in to a personality and behavior set.

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  10. Wow, I’m an alpha male.

    Yea, feels ok.

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    • Yeah, me too. My wife brings up our first-date anniversary every year, and actively gets ready for it. I never remember.

      Our wedding anniversaries, however, have been strangely uneventful. We often travel on that date. It just doesn’t feel very special, despite what society tells us.

      But H is right on. Being enclosed inside a strong masculine frame is so pleasantly jarring, so wondrous, to an American woman accustomed to betas that she begins to unconsciously memorialize the day it happened.

      Being in love helps a lot too.

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    • Can I touch your biceps?

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  11. Someone once gave me all his spare change, in a jar, as a present. I found it thoughtless at the time, but now that I think about it, it was funny. You could also buy her some token gift, like flowers from the food store, and then say the rest of present is you making love to her all night.

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  12. Women eat romantic shit right up if you’re not a total loser. Once in a while if you do something unique and unexpected they get moist in their panties and won’t forget it. I’ve done random things that have mad girls cry (in a good way, of course!) and leave a permanent smile on their face. But they have to be INFREQUENT and UNEXPECTED. Doing things like this will further your image of being a spontaneous alpha that gives her memorable non-sexual vagina tingles.

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  13. I remember the fury an ex had when I didn’t remember how old she was at her 24th birthday. I think I got her a “Happy 25th Birthday” card or something.

    I get to remember her birthday every year now, because (years later) my first son shares the same day.

    That said, this article is right on about these little anniversaries. I will adjust my thinking about them and regard them more as validation than as shit-tests. Just so long as we don’t fall prey to the beta advertising industry expectations of spending our $ on stupid beta gifts. Remember the player in the Madonna video “Material Girl” got her by being alpha rather than beta.

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  14. the alpha present that keeps on giving:

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    • I felt inspired by this when it first came out and gave something similar to my colombian girlfriend. She had a smile ear to ear. Latin girls are keepers.

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  15. I agree with the dude above me. BUT I don’t think that just because a girl BEGS for an anniversary means you are Alpha. Ex. My neighbor is one of the wierdest people I know. Young, no common sense, 6ft 120lbs, horrible body language, no style. Every gross 250lb chick he is with freaks out over a 1 month anniversary. He even saw Magic Mike with one. So some girls just like the attention.

    However, if the girl is HOT and keeps reminding you about certain dates, and gets YOU a gift. You sir, are an Alpha and must be doing something right to her downstairs cumdungeon.
    -M

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  16. I guess I’m Alpha then? More likely it was just that my last ex was a needy, insecure psycho.

    The first “anniversary” we “celebrated” (Rather, she did), was sending me a card for our 2 month anniversary. Nice gesture, but I had no idea how long this thing would last.

    But she was also one of those girls who needed to chat 24/7, and who felt I didn’t love her if I didn’t answer a phone call from her at 4AM when I had to be up at 6AM. If I ignored her for any length of time, she felt I OMGZ DIDN’T LUUUUVE HEEER, and she always had to seek validation from me to be happy.

    Or maybe I’m just Alpha and I’m that insanely awesome.

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    • I think it’s easy to get that kind of immediate reaction, even from the most cynical gold-digger.

      It would be more impressive if he waited a few weeks to see whether she remained in mourning for him or (more likely) just jumped back onto the cock carousel.

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    • she should have broken up with him. who the fuck spends money on this kind of shit? he should go get hit by a real car

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  17. For an ex-gf’s anniversary I offered her the freedom to fuck a hot muscular guy from my gym while I watched. She didn’t like this gift. I don’t understand why she’d refuse the freedom to do this or get angry at me.

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  18. A few weeks ago, the current GF tells me that she wants to cook me a dinner on Friday night. I’m like “sure”, especially since she’s always cooking for me even when it requires she get up 30 minutes before me in the morning. Friday rolls around and she’s gone all out. Everything looks exceptional, including a black dress she knows I like. She gets out of me the usual, “You look nice…”

    Dinner goes on and I can sense that she’s looking for something or wants to say something (BTW, she’s Asian). I just go on eating and eventually she asks if I “know what day this is?” I say “Friday.” and take another bite making no connection whatsoever.

    She looks a little hurt and says that it’s the two month anniversary since we had our first date. Looked at her blank faced and said that I wouldn’t even think of remembering things like that. I go on to tell her that I once forgot my brothers name when he was standing right in front of me.

    She gets a strange look on her face, stands up, and walks over to me and motions to push away from the table. I swing out, and she sits in my lap and whispers in my ear that I she’s going to make sure I don’t forget this one.

    I have to agree that these made up anniversaries are just so much B.S. If she wants to remember them, fine. I just can’t see myself going out of my way to recognize it one way or another. Can’t say that I’m not curious though about what she may do on the 10th.

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  19. Do I need to be worried if she does not care for anniversaries at all? We’ve been at it for … Two or three months now. Neither of us knows when it started nor do we care. Concerning matter or trivial detail?

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  20. For an ex-gf’s anniversary I offered her the freedom to f uck a hot muscular guy from my gym while I watched

    uber fa g. Save yourself from bitting the pillow, buy a videogame

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  21. 7 month anniversary? Yeah right, that shit doesn’t get acknowledged. I might do something nice for her for the 1 year or whatever. Otherwise, her present is dick in a box.

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  22. While this is true for some girls, I have experienced girls who pretended they cared as little as I did. Like one, she sometimes bought up the subject, I just said, “I don’t care and I don’t remember the date.” She typically replied, “I don’t care about something like that either.” She also always told me she didn’t get jealous when I “cheated” on her. “As long you always use a condom and don’t fuck other girls, I’m okay,” she said. Some girls pretend they okay with really shitty arrangements, because there’s no way to change it. She broke down crying several times, though.

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  23. All you bring for some bullshit “7-month anniversary” is chewing gum and a stiff dick.

    I’m out of gum.

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  24. I barely remember what day today is…how the hell can I remember past dates?

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  25. on September 4, 2012 at 7:13 pm Anonymous Coward

    An inspiring story of a 34 year old virgin who turned his life around!

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2130441/34-year-old-virgin-father-82-launching-free-baby-making-service.html

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    • “My girlfriend says that what I do only makes me more interesting,’ he told Germany’s Der Spiegel magazine. ‘She’s coming to visit again soon.’ But he hasn’rt managed to make her pregnant yet.”

      That’s some real shit.

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    • the gigolo that couldn’t…

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    • These dailymail stories can’t be true.

      And if they are, can you imagine the monstrosities that are going to be bred a generation from now when this ugly guy’s kids start marrying each other, unbeknownst to themselves that they are siblings?

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  26. You know what i have never given thought to the meaning of an odd anniversary simply just interpreted it as a girl attempting to give me grief. That considered in my teenage years my first girlfriend always whipped out “omg today was the day you cheated on me’ . Seriously who remembers that shit, maybe i should have taken it as alpha recognition. This post as been genuinely insightful.

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    • Part of it is something us girls just do. We remember dates and moments and happenings years back. Negative and positive connotations, inside and outside relationships, irrespective of others. There can be everything from admiration to indifference involved. Sometimes yeah, it’s because a guy really made an impression, but not always. She could just as easily be trying to use that against you as affirming your status in the relationship. Depends on the girl.

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  27. One of these days I’m going to quit buying college girls, a month at a time, just so I can put some of this fantastic advice to some good use.

    Also how about some more advice on how to get rid of / prevent chicks turning into psycho stalker bitches? The guys following your bloglet have to eventually have gotten man enough to where this is a real problem, and warrants your attention.

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  28. […] enjoy the decline, grow, game, prosper, live, love, struggle, aim high,  and remain free. The future is ours. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike […]

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  29. Nothing will fuck with the hamster more than getting a bag of skittles, year after year with a post it on it. Bonus points if she hates skittles and prefer M&Ms.

    Personally, the best anniversary is having a nonexistent one. I’m allergic to all forms of commitment.

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  30. These expensive anniversary gifts are sinful and appeal to the female hamster . It reminds us of how Adam hearkened the words of Eve and therefore became the very first Beta alive thus God has cursed him and God has cursed this Beta economy that is centered in female hamster marketing expensive stuff that doesn’t make any sense to the logical mind.
    I have written about Adam’s Sin here:
    listening to women is the original sin
    http://wizardcorpse.com/the-original-sin-lies-in-female-hypergamy-and-the-unholy-hamster/

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  31. as a girl, i find v’s anniversary picture quite awful.

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  32. kinda beta…
    kinda relevant…

    man fakes his own death to see if his woman was worth his long term investment plan…

    http://www.news.com.au/world/man-fakes-death-to-make-sure-girlfriend-really-loves-him-before-proposing/story-fndir2ev-1226465309479

    Alexey Bykov wanted to know if girlfriend Irena Kolokov really loved him before he committed to spending the rest of his life with her.

    “I wanted her to realise how empty her life would be without me and how life would have no meaning without me,” Alexey said.

    that quote is pretty alpha though.

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  33. I forgot it was an Odd anniversary and bailed on our plans at the last minute to bang some other chick I was on a first date with.

    Found out months later she had cooked and laid out candles and all that shit. Whoops lol

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  34. Promise her anything, but give her Skittles… or writing her name on the street in piss, whichever.

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  35. China, being newly bourgeoisie, presents bald proof of the consumerist nature of modern anniversaries and holidays.

    http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/culture/2012-08/22/c_131801222.htm

    I’ve also heard that Chinese merchants are trying to make Valentine’s Day a MONTHLY holiday.

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    • watch the california on video about valentines day. some black guys saying every day is valentines day…for their girlfriends or wives or whoever.

      I just had to think, black guys are cooler than me. White people are automatically beta next to black people. There used to be a bunch of racist comments on here, I saw once. Made me think racially.

      I am confused about how Chinamen, or Asians in general, and Indian or Eastern people are generally unattractive to hot white bitches (also I don’t see them ANYWHERE, however when I do they have kids or are married), but rich asshole nerds like I will be get more pussy based on weird stereotype ideas and daddy issues of Amerikunt’s Wymyn.

      I think as much as men are afraid of the pussy, women are afraid of interracial cock while simultaneously craving it like their vagina tingles at the site of a horse boner.

      Also, generally being raised around only white girls or semi-white girls, I have no idea what black chicks are like, except for the strippers and free-paid street lays i’ve been with, beyond viewing them as some hyper-sexualized version of white chicks.

      I feel like their vagina could eat me, most of them.

      And I feel like my cock won’t fit inside white chicks, most of them. Until I see their gag reflex in action, and watch as they do things they find “gross” with my dick.

      Put it in my ass, you fucking asshole! No, but I’m going to bust in your throat so shut up and keep sucking. But I don’t want to swallow. Too bad, I won’t cum if you don’t. Holds skull as if it’s a masturbation toy. Girl sucks cock better than she has before. Dick hurts as it’s about to break her neck. Too much pleasure. Come. I can’t believe I did that. Clean yourself, woman. No I will not kiss you, I wasn’t sucking my own dick after all. Though that sounds like a good idea. Wait, why don’t you just get me off again in an hour after you finish yelling at me for getting cum all over your shitty 2 dollar shirt. And yes I do love you. Otherwise I wouldn’t come in your mouth you stupid girl. If I hated you I’d make you have my babies. And we’d be married. And then I’d complain about it. And I would make my son be a failed version of me too.

      Fucking humans. What’s the deal?

      I’ve become what I imagined peasants were. All this sex and sin and such.

      I need a woman to calm me down, to hold my horses.

      Ya know?

      I think half of us are named M-something. And we subscribe to M-Theory. And we like M-things. And I doubt this blog is written by an alpha male.

      Because there is no such thing. There are those who do stuff and those who do things and those who sometimes do other stuff and those who might one day do other things too.

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  36. One exception to the rule about not bringing up things like this yourself would be if it’s something you care about that she doesn’t, or something sexual. Get her a card for the one-month commemoration of the first time she cooked your favorite dish. Or hand her the tennis bracelet at the store, and when she asks what it’s for, wink at the counter girl, lean close to your woman’s ear, and whisper, “It’s been one month since the night you gave me your anal cherry and screamed so loud the neighbors banged on the wall. I’ve been thinking about that all day.”

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  37. […] Heartiste – How To Do Anniversaries. . ., Your Girlfriend Is Flirting With. . ., Asstenuating […]

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