Bailing on Dates

I don’t use tricks during dates like having my cell phone ring with an “emergency” call, saying I’m going to the bathroom and then escaping through the window, or telling my date “I think I’m falling in love with you” to give me an out in case it’s not going well.  It’s incompatible with being a man who doesn’t make excuses for his actions.  If a date is bombing I smile warmly and simply tell her “It was a pleasure meeting you.  Good luck with everything.”  No need to wait around hoping for sexual attraction to magically appear.  Walking off like this can even make a girl suddenly hot for you.  Don’t be surprised if you get a conciliatory call from her the next day.

Dating a lot of women gives you a sixth sense to know within minutes whether the girl is connecting with you.  If she’s not, cut the cord — time saved is time earned toward gaming new women.  I once walked away from a bad date and number closed another woman on the walk home.  There is no worse thing a man can do than to continue buying drinks and yapping for hours with a girl who is not warming up to him physically.

When a date is going particularly badly, or the girl is someone of especially poor character, I’ll get a dig in before walking off.  It’s petty, true, but it gives me pleasure to inflict cruelty on a deserving victim.  On a first date with a Desi girl she talked (unprompted) non-stop about her Indian ex-boyfriend and how her father didn’t like him and how he was overly ambitious in his career and yada yada.  After she finally came up for air I asked her a series of seemingly innocent questions about her values and her past relationships.  I then began to psychologically deconstruct her, picking apart her psyche and painting a picture of her personality.  I leaned back and waited for her reaction.  Offended, she snapped “I really don’t like you drawing conclusions about me.”
Pay dirt.
“But you make it so easy.”

Since single girls, like guys, act to hide their personality flaws when out on the town looking to hook up, and since it is hard to discern all of a person’s unsavory traits in fifteen minutes over gin and tonics in a dark lounge, I always try to insta-date the first night I meet a girl.  Bouncing with her from the club to the bar down the street to the pizza place or pool hall gives me a better opportunity to learn about her without putting in the extra effort to arrange a future date at a specified location.  This ultimately saves time and feels more natural.  Plus, same night multiple venue changing operates on the principle of time distortion, where you two feel like you’ve shared more time together getting to know each other in different environments than you actually have.


  1. I like the concept of getting it over with when you know things are going south, but is it really necessary to entirely deconstruct her right then and there? why even waste the time?


  2. It goes both ways. I just had a horrible time with some guy who, I think, was trying for an insta-date. Snottily asked me “if” I read. Then couldn’t name ONE book he’d read. (He had no opinion on the Roman poets, either. Go figure…) THEN got very intrusive inquiring about my plans for the next morning…. (As. If.) So I get the temptation to be mean to someone who clearly is not bringing his A game. It’s irritating.

    But I don’t see how giving in to temptation and zinging him would help anything. Actually, I don’t think I had the right to be mean to him. Reject him, sure. But who do I think I am, trying to punish him for wasting my time? It’s just dating.

    Much better to memorialize him to my friends as, “That moron who tried to “Neg” me for being a ditz, then couldn’t name more than one primary candidate…”


  3. Are you serious? No opinion on the Roman poets?! What a troglodyte!


  4. “…but is it really necessary to entirely deconstruct her right then and there? why even waste the time?”

    It is necessary and not a waste of time. By this I don’t mean that it is in any way required to prove the superiority of one’s ego or punish the offender. Doing it for either of these reasons would be a waste of time. Rather, I look at it as giving the person an education. People don’t learn that their behavior is inappropriate until it’s pointed out to them. Egotistical or socially-dominant people (jocks, cheerleaders, etc…) especially don’t learn, because unlike their less assertive counterparts (e.g., nerds, betas, etc…) very few people will challenge their behavior. This is exacerbated by the fact that no one has likely challenged them since their formative years.

    Put more simply, it’s called the “bigger bully” concept. A good example is the scene from Good Will Hunting in the Harvard bar where he puts the snotty grad student in his place by demonstrating a superior intellect and memory, then proceeds to deconstruct the grad student’s behavior. Thereafter, the grad student is somewhat chastened. (Will Hunting didn’t need to press the napkin number up against the window later on in the scene, but then again, he was a kid from Southie, so what else would you expect).


  5. He didn’t have to have an opinion on the poets. But if he was going to try to put ME on the defensive with some sort of “I bet you’re just all about looks…” line, he should have been reading SOMETHING, right? I mean Oprah’s book club would have been better than, “Uh. Yeah. I don’t know.” You guys like to put down the girls on here. I’m just saying. Often doesn’t look any better from the other side…


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  7. did we go on a date? is your name george? i guess this is a common occurance, and come to think of it, i do the same things to guys on a date.


  8. Ohhh – Drah-mah!


  9. “same night multiple venue changing operates on the principle of time distortion, where you two feel like you’ve shared more time together getting to know each other in different environments than you actually have.”

    For a woman, coaxing a man to several orgasms in one night serves the same purpose.


  10. lisa – a most excellent analogy. a man remembers the individual sex acts like a woman remembers anniversaries or a passing compliment on her hair from 5 years ago.


  11. Awesome! I too shall have a book one day. One for the ladies. It will be called “repeat business”