Why Are Later Marriages Less Likely To End In Divorce?

Because older divorcées have fewer options in the dating market.

Picture two married couples. Couple A got married at 21. Couple B got married at 31. Assume for the sake of simplicity that the spouses in each marriage are the same age, and neither one has had children.

At year three, Couple A stops having sex on a regular basis. Arguments become a daily feature. The wife begins pulling a beta valentine on her hubbie’s ass because she is turned off by his gradual betatization. They are now age 24, and divorce is whispered. Both of them survey their options should the unthinkable happen. Both realize, based on subconsciously acknowledged experience in the real world, that they could find new lovers in short order should the marriage fail. Divorce proceedings, while a testament to failure, don’t inspire them with fear and dread. There are green fields just past that horizon.

At year three, Couple B suffers the same fate as Couple A. The marriage has lost its allure. But this time, the response to impending divorce is different. The now 34 year old wife has stopped receiving glances from men when she walks around town to do errands. She senses, though she will never admit it even to herself, that her salad days are over and being single would not be the fun adventure it was when she was 21. The husband also believes (wrongly) that he has fewer options, because his marriage has made him rusty and dependent upon regular female companionship. He has doubts in himself and can’t imagine life as a single man. Both dread the repercussions of divorce and what it means to be thrust into a cutthroat dating market for which they are ill-prepared. So instead of divorce, they grit their teeth and he retreats to porn and poker while she has an illicit affair with her boss.

So there you have it.

Options = instability.

This is the kind of psychological analysis that you just won’t glean from a dry social survey that is prone to false information, particularly from female respondents.





Comments


  1. Only a fool would get married at any age in this day and age.

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  2. Even the manliest men that I know are significantly more beta after several years of marriage. It’s like marriage is designed to make a man gradually more and more pussy-whipped no matter how hard he tries to avoid. For many I suppose this is the cost of passing on their genes many times and avoiding child support.

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  3. Solid post.

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  4. True for the chicks I know.

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  5. But maybe I only know sluts, whores and drunks.

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  6. Because men haven’t figured out what they want in early life. I have a theory:

    After years of observing guys, I’ve concluded that they desire a situation in which they have three girlfriends/wives:

    Girl A: A short, chubby fuckbox that they have secret, shameful sex with behind closed doors. The guy ensures that he’s never seen with this girl and their relationship is confined to middle-of-the-night booty calls. She never meets his family or friends. If they’re in the same public place, he’ll never acknowledge her. Even though her body type gets his sexual juices flowing, she’s not the type of girl that’s idealized in Western society.

    Girl B: Now this is the girl that he can’t wait to introduce to his friends, family and rivals. She’s tall, slim, modelesque, statuesque etc. in addition to being pretty in the face. Her body type comes with a seal-of-approval from society in general and especially the media. Alas, her skinny, boyish body and relatively flat chest and ass means that she doesn’t really get her man sexually excited.

    Girl C: Think Natalie Portman in Garden State. Somewhat of a cute, kooky female best friend who leads observers to wonder ‘are they or aren’t they’? This is the one that ‘gets’ you. You don’t mind being seen with her because she’s gorgeous (in an adorable way) and slim. She’s also the most likely of the three to be intellectually minded. You probably don’t see her in a sexual way at all. More like a little sister. She can be thought of as an emotional girlfriend.

    So there you are, the trinity for the modern man consists of:

    The secret fuck-pig, the model-like official girlfriend and the cute and adorable emotional girlfriend.

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  7. I would only marry for money or bigtime social proof and treat it like that. Hell, I tell women that when they ask me if I was ever married. “For a short time.” (They ask more). “I married her becayse she was famous and wealthy.” (They ask more). “I guess money and fame don’t last for women.” It’s trite and braggadocio (plus, my ex-wife took me for major settlement money, oops) so I just change the topic — a la the “I have a stalker” amplify method.

    I do support my guy and gal pals getting married, but when asked why, I’m honest there, too: “I’m a great dancer and I love wedding party sex.” Funny anecdote: by being so brutal, women who meet gals looking to meet guys tend to point them my way. Honesty is game.

    To stay on topic, I believe that men who marry are settling for either accepting betatude, or they’re taking a risk in hope that they found a woman to take care of the in old age. The key here is what is the bride’s weight, and what is the age difference?

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  8. on June 15, 2011 at 9:09 pm The Real Vince

    Which is why so many marriages in Hollywood head for divorce, but to hear social conservatives tell it we’re to believe rich/famous/beautiful people break up on account lacking traditional religious beliefs.

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  9. Men who marry younger than 30 are beta. 30+ men who marry their own age are beta. 30+ men who marry a 20 yo, chances are that they will stay married, have healthy kids, and live a great life.

    @30+ a guy has his career set and a nice nest egg. When he turns 40, she will be 30. Just as he settles into a relaxed life, she will be starting to lose her value, but he will be happy.

    A man should never marry a women less than a decade younger than himself. The age difference gives him wisdom that keeps him as the alpha in her eyes.

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  10. Sure. Marriages with younger people are much less stable because being single is an appealing option. Especially after age 35 most women hate the thought of being single. It’s embarrassing.

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  11. Guys,

    it not always about options,

    Older people are simply more mature and experienced and have a better idea of what they want and what makes them happy.

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  12. No, it’s about options in most cases.

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  13. one of the fundamental verities that this blog impressed upon me early in my readings is that smv options can explain 90% of the choices people make in the market. every single relationship ive analyzed and dissected down to its very core reveals this to be true 9/10.

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  14. sometimes i wonder if a stronger love is borne out of having more or less options. for ex, if 2 people have plenty of options and know it and yet still choose each other over all the other options, that is a love borne out of strength not out of weakness. if 2 people don’t have many options and know it, how can their love reach the highest states when they know it is a love born out of weakness on both their parts ?

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  15. Hehe, true. So much for the good old days conservative myopes wanting to marry girls at less than 21 again.

    This is also why alphaness isn’t that necessary for a woman to “forgive” her cheating husband, especially if she is old. It’s pure calculated selfishness: they know that no matter the amount of condolences they won’t be able to make it through a divorce, so they instead prefer to play the role of the poor, greathearted martyr suffering the unfairness of life (and god, how good they are at that). She still get provided and at least direct society’s opinion is kind towards her and for most women, that is far more important than reality itself.

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  16. on June 15, 2011 at 11:29 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

    THREE COCK RULE!! lzozozlzlolz by DA GBRM & DA ROISSYSYSYSYSY

    http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7936021/gbfm-and-da-roissy-blogger-yo

    yo yo yoyoy yoyoyoyoyo !!!!

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  17. on June 15, 2011 at 11:32 pm greatbooksformen GBFM

    zlzozolzlzlzlz

    GBFM AND DA ROISSY BLOGGER YO three cokkakks rule zlozoz

    http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7936021/gbfm-and-da-roissy-blogger-yo

    zlozozlzl

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  18. Depressing but true.

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  19. RE: Girly Girl and delusional options.

    I’ll say. A gal at work (32 years old?) got divorced from an older husband (she had been obese, surgery reduced her to just fat). She had a new infant when they got divorced. Maybe wasn’t even the husband’s. (That would be a good study. When husbands leave their pregnant wives, is that a sign of cuckoldry?) Anyway, she was talking like she was going to be having a hot time on the dating circuit right after the divorce. Reality soon set in.

    Now, she mopes and complains how tired she is.

    About the IQ thing. This girl is pretty smart but not well educated. I just think women in general get overblown egos when they are young and desirable and treated like princesses all through their youth. Most men never have that experience. The ones that do tend to get spoiled by the women, and have to overcome it as they become adults.

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  20. RN

    If your scenario-description is at all accurate, you can look forward to, as a best case, a lot of random dick and a lot of being kept out of sight.
    But that is far too optimistic, imho. How about – some desperate loser dick followed by a few awkward moments as he fumbles his way to the door and a safe, permanent escape.
    The thing is, most fat chicks would gladly trade away one of their kidneys or a large percent of their livers (for supposed medical uses) to escape the curse of being fat girls. It is just that losing those vital bodily organs would do little to help them lose actual fattyflesh and respectable organ transplant programs routinely feed donations from fat girls to the coyotes that seem to always be lurking around their facilities.
    It is all good in the end, Coyotes are turned into lame-assed poodles by all the excess estrogen they are poisoned with when they frantically eat this peculiar organ-meat,
    And they would ever use these polluted organs on innocent sick people needing replacement parts.

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  21. Oh. About later marriages lasting longer. It really depends. I think older people tend to have a lot lower expectations of marriage. They are more likely to be tolerant of other’s shortcomings. And, they likely are not getting married in the throes of passion. They may have decided that what they want from a partner is commitment and dedication to the marriage.

    Roissy thinks a lack of options holds the marriage together. He may have the cart before the horse. A lack of options may have led to the marriage.

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  22. @Hover

    I’m male.

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  23. The problem with marriage can’t just be blamed on women – if anything men should take an equal amount of blame in the institution’s failure, if not more. If we’re truly meant to be the natural leaders of society, how can the blame for its deterioration fall entirely on women?

    Men’s complicitness to their own emasculation, our failure to uphold our own principles and virtues after marriage, our neediness after becoming dependent on regular companionship, and OUR INABILITY to dominate our marriages the way we are supposed to leads us to lonely nights of masturbation and days spent toiling away to pay for child support – it’s not just women.

    Why blame women for leaving their husbands when they are just doing what they were genetically programmed to? Would you blame a parrot for squawking or a dog for barking?

    Golden post Heartiste. Unveiling yet again the merciless judgement of the sexual market.

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  24. Using the vernacular that women are familiar with..

    In one respect, women are just like men. Some winners; a whole lotta losers.

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  25. on June 16, 2011 at 1:30 am Commander Shepard

    Disregard my previous comment

    Was this by any chance a response to Half Sigma (more like Half Beta) he’s been writing a lot about marriage lately.

    Anyhow here is Bill Maher’s take on the difference between married and single men. Sums up our worldview nicely.

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  26. Don’t glance at woman on the street, especially as you pass them by. By not looking at them, you are rejecting them. Then they will look at you and wonder why you’re ignoring them. QED.

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    • That’s just delusional! Not all woman feel rejected when a man doesn’t look in their direction… not a woman worth having. What have I lost by a man not looking at me- I don’t get to be part of his ‘spank bank’? ” Please don’t leave me out, Sir, I can’t live I’m being ignored!” Ridiculous.

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  27. The problem is monogamy, which is rare cross-culturally and historically. As a sexually dimorphic species, we are genetically predisposed to polygamy.

    Monogamy is misery, especially in a society where you can’t send your fat cunt of a wife down the river w/o her stealing your house, fortune, and kids.

    All women tread the edge of insanity, even more so here, as you can’t beat the shit out of them like a dude– so they get bold and brazen in their cuntishness.

    My ex-wife– TCW (that crazy whore), was the sweetest creature when we got married. At the end, her hate was so pure that had her vag been a cannon, she’d have fired her uterus at me.

    Like boats and planes, it is better to rent than to buy.

    Btw, I thought I’d share one of my favorite negs. Whenever a chic is kinda rude or obnoxious, I’ll say, ‘What charm school did you go to?’, or ask her friend, ‘Did your friend flunk out of charm school?’, then ignore my victim for awhile. Funny to watch their little minds spin trying to understand just what happened when they are negged– the faster it spins, the wetter they become.

    Sadly, though in my 40’s I’m as horny as ever, I’ve come to dislike the company of women. They bore me.

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  28. Having kids is the big elephant in the room. Most married couples have kids. Even 24 year olds can’t have a blast when they need to take care of two kids, and 34 year olds certainly can’t.

    I think it’s more to do with IQ and future time orientation.

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  29. on June 16, 2011 at 4:34 am Emma the Emo

    julian k,
    Interesting thoughts :D. Ideally, the love between people with options would appear to be stronger. It sounds wonderful in theory, but not something I would go for personally, because it’s likely that a man with options would try those options… Eventually. He might not cheat on you (if he’s that honest and fair), but he’ll tell you he’s bored with you and will pursue others openly. A man with no options will not cheat on you because he can’t, even if he tried. In a world where loyal men with options are rare, a man with no options is the next best thing. It doesn’t mean his love would be stronger, but the relationship would be less likely to dissolve, since leaving would make him single again, and he’d have nowhere to go. Even a good relationship can have it’s problems, and they are perhaps easier to overcome if there are less distractions and obstacles like “options”.
    People with no options should stick together and treat each other nicely. It could turn into something wonderful if they worked on it, and dropped all shame associated with being seen with someone nobody else wants.

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  30. Speaking of which: advice to women from beta beta husbands! LOL

    http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/10-beauty-moves-guys-find-sexy-2496924

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  31. on June 16, 2011 at 5:51 am French Connection

    Not necessarily true, I recall reading here in the past that women who marry at an older age are more likely to cheat, as they’ve had a good ride on the cock carrousel.

    When they finally settle for a beta provider they still crave the alpha cock they used to have, ultimately ending in divorce.

    Offtopic, the quality on this blog has really taken a dive in the last 2 months. Even all the good commenters have left.

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  32. ” If we’re truly meant to be the natural leaders of society, how can the blame for its deterioration fall entirely on women? … ”

    Good luck with being a natural leader, with all the laws discriminating against you, and specially written to make women the dominant class (marriage, divorce, alimony, child support, sexual harassment, domestic violence, rape accusations, etc…. )

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  33. on June 16, 2011 at 6:12 am face painter

    A.B. Dada hit the nail on the head, I have 3 gfs one short slightly chubby big ass and tittys average waist, one tall skinny flat tits that I show to family and best friend who is intelectual good girl that I fuck now and again and chill with as friends who no one knows I bang

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  34. Slate Magazine with a surprisingly politically incorrect article about how ovulating white women are more afraid of black men than when they are not ovulating (and more afraid of male strangers in general as well):

    http://www.slate.com/id/2281138/pagenum/all/#p2

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  35. Lara

    No, it’s about options in most cases.

    It’s not in my case. I simply have little desire to cheat because so few women are capable of matching my wife in any set of criteria. This whole line of thinking fails to consider the emotional bond people develop over time. That becomes a huge emotional investment. You take on so many traits because of a partner that to get a new one after many years means a huge change in who you are. That can be healthy, but it isn’t always. I’m at the point where I see the same traits in women as a repetitive pattern, both physical and mental. It should also be noted that I turn 50 this year. Most of you posting are probably 10 to 30 years younger than me. It’s the emotional sustenance that bonds a couple over time. From the comments I hear, many of you have never experienced a truly blissful relationship or a powerful emotional bond with a woman. All those stupid love song cliches take on a new meaning when it happens. Most people are too immature to allow it to happen, which is why we have this board. Those of you who still seek love, should know it exists, albeit that it is elusive. Marriage is a young man’s curse and an old man’s comfort as the saying goes.

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  36. RN,

    It is scary how closely you nailed my sexual/dating history with your three “types”. Type A was a girl that was a pure hook up, and one of very few girls who regularly achieved orgasm with standard missionary sex. It was probably the most comfortable sex I ever had. Her body was perfect for taking it.

    Type B is my soon to be former wife. All front window, very little substance. Although girls this inherently narcissistic and self-focused usually have a streak of crazy running beneath the surface. Once you tap into that, they can be fun in bed.

    Type C is the girl that I always want when in a relationship with a Type B. And once you get over the high of first fucking them, you realize that the sex is far inferior to both Type A and B. It could be that the emotional/communicative relationship is not conducive to a natural, sexual relationship. The emotional girlfirend relationship is one that is much more egalitarian, consisting of clever back and forths and subtle flirting/joking. It becomes awkward to set that genuine friendship aside and then direct the girl in bed pursuant to natural male/female sex roles. But maybe I’m just being too much of a pussy, I don’t know.

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  37. tyrone,
    I think you’re right. My grandparents just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and them seem to really like each other.

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  38. There is one problem with the sexual market theory: a sizeable portion of women have an inaccurate assessment of their value or an inability to rationally evaluate their likely options. I do think the theory holds relatively true for men.

    As some other posters have commented, we can all think of women in their early thirties that took the divorce pill, thinking it a cure-all to their flagging marriage. And almost every single one I can think of ultimately ended up in an objectively worse situation than they were while married, by any measure. Maybe some are thinking alpha upgrade, some are thinking its their last chance to cash in their declining looks on a good beta provider, but a lot of them are just purely acting irrationally out of emotion or influenced by a very negative female peer pressure towards marriage and commitment. In my experience, its outside females, not outside males, that are the biggest threat to your marriage.

    One example: somewhat cute 34 year old woman (7.5) married to 34 year old man. Husband was the father of both her kids, good looking, with a promising career in architecture. Objectively, he had a much higher value in the sexual market than she did. After being married 7 years, she started hanging out with single female friends (divorcees). She slowly but steadily checked out of the marriage and family, ultimately divorcing her higher status husband. After a year of partying and drunk hookups, she found herself bankrupt, kicked out of her rental condo. She finally realized how limited her true options were as far as finding a man that would commit to her, so she moved in with a 53 year old, overweight bar owner. Looking at her pre and post divorce, I don’t think anyone would deny that divorce resulted in a HUGE net loss to her. Of course, she’d never admit that to herself and she overcompensates in public as if her new life is so much better. The husband? Oh yeah, he started banging a 21 year old.

    The sexual market theory doesn’t work with females because they are so emotional and filled with denial/hamster rationalization that they have no grasp on what their sexual market value is.

    [Editor: Women may not grasp their own value, but the market works on them regardless.]

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  39. A good partial explanation, but selection bias is also important here. Only proles and NAMs get married young these days, and these people are much more likely to get divorced.

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  40. Jack, you also make a very good point. Class, IQ and family history plays a HUGE role here. That was definitely the case with my soon to be ex-wife. There are exceptions, but by and large you can assess the risks of divorce by looking at your potential partner’s background. My ex had no real father in her life, alcoholic mother married 4 times, low-average intelligence…I could go on and on. The red flags were numerous. Yes, I was stupid. But…she is really attractive and crazy in bed.

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  41. Completely true, unless the older man knows his sexual value. If he does then he’ll probably cheat on his fat wife.

    However most men tend to lose any masculinity they had by the time they hit their 30s, thus making them repulsive to most women.

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  42. Editor (re: Anonymous’s comment),

    But if women are making irrational decisions, how is sexual market value influencing the divorce rate? It would seem that it isn’t the actual sexual market value that is influencing women, but their perception of their sexual market value. But I tend to agree with Anonymous, a lot of women make completely irrational decisions to divorce that have nothing to do with their options, or their perceptions of their options, in the sexual market. In fact, I would argue that it is often their complete ignorance of sexual market value that results in many lower IQ PROLE women going to lawyers for divorce.

    ]Editor: What women tell themselves and how they ultimately act are two different things.]

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  43. For the 34 year olds the guy has good dating market prospects but the wife much less so. However she’s been endlessly lied to about that by the feminist suffused media and entertainment media. However the guy will typically take a BIG financial hit, especially if they have kids, which at 34 is much more likely than at 24.

    Also those who marry at 21 are usually working class, and they divorce a lot more than college educated upper middle class people do.

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  44. I think women are more aware of their sexual market value than you guys give them credit for. In fact, it is confirmed for me on a daily basis.

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  45. Editor: what women tell themselves and how they ultimately act are two different things.

    I don’t understand your position then. Regardless of what they tell themselves, are women more often than not making the rational sexually market decision, or irrational decisions? I believe it is the latter. Several studies have demonstrated that women more often than not are worse off economically after divorce than men, and that many rate subsequent marriages as more unhappy than first marriages. That being the case, it is either a female’s perception of their options in the sexual market that are influencing them to make market errors, or, female decision-making is not dictated by the sexual market by and large.

    [Editor: No one’s arguing some women don’t make irrational decisions based on a false self-perception of their sexual value, and that women are more prone to this than are men. But subconscious calculations of SMV — those that go on behind the pretty lies that women tell themselves — exert a powerful influence on decision-making. The 34 year old wifey who struggles with waning libido for her beta husband and yearns for alpha cock may sit around a brunch table downing mimosas with her girlfriends while they all high five each other in phony homage to being sexy and at the peak of their attractiveness, but when push comes to shove and the divorce papers are suddenly a real possibility, many of these grrlpower cougars will feel an unpleasant tugging deep in their caged ids whispering to them that they may have a hard time finding a man of equal SMV as their husbands in the dating market, let alone a man of higher value.
    It is these whispers — rarely articulated, often unacknowledged — that more often than not guides our relationship deicisions.]

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  46. Lara, I think you’re wrong and you’re right. Women get much more feedback in the sexual marketplace than men. But you are only getting feedback on immediate sexual interest, not long term sexual relationship interest. This could explain the market error re female divorce choice. Their perception is skewed by short term sexual interest, leading to divorce based on artificially inflated sexual market value. Once single, and after a few pump and dumps, their true sexual market value is revealed, and they have to settle for something within their shrinking relationship options.

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  47. Women are more aware of their sexual market value than men.

    its their job – their survival depends upon it

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  48. It’s hard to come right out and admit it, but we know it. I don’t hear many men constantly talking about their limited appeal to most women.

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  49. Editor,

    I definitely agree with you as far as SMV acting as a deterrent to divorce for the more rational married women out there. I’m just not sure the true sexual market works in reverse in encouraging women to divorce. There are those cases where the woman leaves beta husband for her boss, or an otherwise higher status male. That’s a pretty clear example. But in my life experience, that’s kind of a rare example. Of the women I know who have filed for divorce, most do it out of emotion (revenge for cheating), or like the example of my 34 year old friends above, due to irrational female peer pressure. And not to be mean, but it also seems like the less bright gals are the ones that are most susceptible to this pressure.

    As an economic theory, the problem lies in the overall results: if SMV were as controlling a force as you suggest, we would see a more market-efficient outcome. More women and men ultimately ending up in sexual relationships matching their SMV. But while this is happening for men to some degree, the big picture results for women who get divorced indicate the opposite. By and large, they end up worse off, by their own choice (women file majority of divorce suits).

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  50. Lara/Editor:

    The other problem confounding the data may be the relative strength of SMV on the sexes. For men, its a real, tangible force influencing their decision-making. But for women, SMV may not be as important. There may be no universal SMV that men and women share due to their different priorities in finding a mate. Since status trumps physical attractiveness for females, my friends situation may be a efficient market outcome when viewed from the female’s perspective: given her new social circle and lifestyle, 53 year old, less attractive bar owner may have a higher SMV to her. SMV is somewhat fixed for males because of our objective tendencies towards female looks. But female SMV is very fluid and variable, depending on what any individual woman values as “status”. As Lara notes, many men who appear attractive and to have status to most women, may have limited appeal to their wife, due to her priorities and social circle.

    This topic would be an excellent dissertation topic in economics or sociology.

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  51. Lara, I don’t think you hear many men voicing their true market value because male SMV is much more dynamic than female SMV and hard to determine. Female SMV = looks. Male SMV = status, looks, income, class…and it may be variable depending on the particular woman’s priorities and social group. It’s not easy for us to grasp.

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  52. Are there really enough young women to go around for everyone who is supposed to be dating them?

    It seems like they’d already be a scarce resource if men of all ages are going after women in a fairly small age bracket.

    How does it work? If ALL men are going after the same smaller number of women, and ostensibly succeeding using alpha techniques, don’t women in their early 20s become like cum dumpsters for the entire male population?

    i don’t get it lol

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  53. Lara, you don’t here men constantly talk about their limited appeal to most women because men don’t emote very well.

    But as this site attests – men are also obsessed with their SMV and how to improve it –

    it just a little more urgent for females since for most – their survival is based on their SMV

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  54. on June 16, 2011 at 12:50 pm Backdoor Man

    All I want to do nowadays after work is walk my dog and take care of my garden. Wifey comes along for the walk, and then she and the dog sit outside and watch me as I tend to my plants. It may sound lame, but these simple routines have made this spring my most fulfilling in years. I like it when young girls walk by my house and admire the scene, but I wouldn’t trade my woman, or my domestic tranquility, in for any of them.

    That’s not lack of options talking….that’s the contentedness of middle age and a strong LTR.

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  55. How does it work? If ALL men are going after the same smaller number of women, and ostensibly succeeding using alpha techniques, don’t women in their early 20s become like cum dumpsters for the entire male population?

    even if all men were going for the same small group of women, they don’t all succeed, because not all men are alphas.

    the woman gets to choose which alpha(s) gets to bang her. and some do choose the bukkake way of life.

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  56. on June 16, 2011 at 1:03 pm archmage_lo

    “The husband also believes (wrongly) that he has fewer options, because his marriage has made him rusty and dependent upon regular female companionship.”

    I, respectfully, disagree. As a married, 35y.o, I am constantly propositioned.

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  57. on June 16, 2011 at 1:19 pm Good Luck Chuck

    “Lara, I think you’re wrong and you’re right. Women get much more feedback in the sexual marketplace than men. But you are only getting feedback on immediate sexual interest, not long term sexual relationship interest.”

    Cougars exist because women today have the luxury of deluding themselves into believing that sexual interest from a high value man will translate to long term interest.

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  58. O/T but why am I only learning about the Wichita Massacre now?

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  59. Cummander Sheepard

    Disregard my previous comment

    Don’t worry
    disregarding your words
    comes naturally

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  60. Commander Sleepard

    Anyhow here is Bill Maher’s take on the difference between married and single men. Sums up our worldview nicely.

    btw, HERE’s why disregard comes naturally.

    Using a Liberal parrot like Maher as the shining beacon of truth is like basing Mid-East peace on the wisdom of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

    Now that “sums it up nicely.”

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  61. RN
    @Hover

    I’m male.

    Actually, you’re delusional.

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  62. Backdoor man,
    Good comment. A lot of middle aged men have a nice comfortable life with their wives. To leave her and put up with the ridiculous demands of a younger woman would probably very quickly not be worth the effort.

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  63. Lara, put up with the ridiculous demands of a younger woman

    Yes, it can be ridiculous, you seem to be aware of it, though your motives in stressing that out may b suspicious… but who says one has to put up with it? Nope, one doesn’t have to. One tells her to fuck off. That’s where the game comes in. There isn’t only one, they’re dime a dozen and new models released every year.

    Like


  64. For reasons I cannot quite fathom my life has turned around dramatically. Early career setbacks caused me to refocus and become more angry and jerklike. Surprisingly it has improved my career and social life. My wife is nice but totally uninterested in the bed portion of our contract so her motto is “Don’t tell, she won’t ask.” I was real beta years ago, but now in my 50s I’m in better physical shape than ever, young looking and have two incredible girls on a string. One is an insatiable Asian intellectual. The other is a dark haired russian beauty that I suspect would fire up Roissy. Yet I don’t work very hard for it. I just get approached.
    In fact a friend of mine who’s less than half my age, blond and stacked has been taking me to lunch recently while showing off her cleavage a lot.
    God, it’s good to a career success in middle age!

    Like


  65. Options, no options, instability, stability etc…. Still some risks are worth taking. : )

    Like


  66. Sidewinder–

    Women get much more feedback in the sexual marketplace than men. But you are only getting feedback on immediate sexual interest, not long term sexual relationship interest. This could explain the market error re female divorce choice. Their perception is skewed by short term sexual interest, leading to divorce based on artificially inflated sexual market value.

    Very good insight.

    [Editor: Yes, that is a good point by sidewinder. You might say there is price inelasticity in women’s long term mate value feedback. The one thing working against false perceptions of men’s long term sexual interest in women are memories of past relationships that ended badly when she tried to date out of her league. But in a multi-year marriage, those memories tend to fade and so we get the phenomenon of women initiating divorce with the belief that they can get as good as they got when they were younger.]

    Like


  67. What, your mysterious sphinx mode ain’t cutting it. If you’ve got something to say, say it, don’t speak in meaningless riddles. Else it looks like “L-0-0-k at MEEEEEEEEE”, which in all likelihood is the case.

    (I put my sense of humor in the freezer overnight and it has to thaw)

    Like


  68. @Dragnet

    Care to point out what’s wrong with the theory?

    Like


  69. Sidewinder–

    Of the women I know who have filed for divorce, most do it out of emotion (revenge for cheating)

    American women so often divorcing their husbands because their husbands cheated strikes me as incredibly irrational.

    The female jealousy instinct is obviously mate guarding, and is designed to keep the husband from leaving her.

    So the husband cheats and maybe has a full on affair, but doesn’t want to leave his wife or stop paying attention to her and having sex with her.

    So in revenge she forces him to leave her by divorcing him.

    Brilliant.

    Some women here want to explain this one to me?

    (Btw Sidewinder, why are you and your wife divorcing, if I may ask? Despite using an anonymous handle, if you don’t feel like answering I will of course understand. I do remember when you were musing over having an affair a year or so ago with a girl you were composing music with and who went to your church I think it was.)

    Like


  70. on June 16, 2011 at 5:49 pm The Chrome Microphone

    I assumed the answer would be “because they end in death”

    Like


  71. Doug1,

    The irrationality you mention regarding mate guarding (i.e. women self-creating the abandonment they sought to avoid) is exactly what happened in my marriage. My former wife suffers from mental illness which also played a very significant role. She has all the markers of a woman prone to divorce: experienced 3 of her mother’s divorces in her childhood, early onset eating disorders and other mental issues, no stable male role model, history of 3 year relationships with emotionless break-ups. My relationship with the girl from church was a sanity check…for a time I didn’t know if I was crazy or if I really was over my head in trying to deal with my wife’s issues. It sounds weird, but when you’re with a mentally ill person, you don’t realize how much you get sucked into their world. The girl from church was an articulate person that I had a lot in common with and it is unfortunate that we can no longer be friends. I think if I were in a healthy marriage and/or she was in a happy marriage, I could have had an appropriate relationship with her.

    Like


  72. on June 16, 2011 at 6:02 pm Commander Shepard

    “btw, HERE’s why disregard comes naturally.

    Using a Liberal parrot like Maher as the shining beacon of truth is like basing Mid-East peace on the wisdom of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

    Now that “sums it up nicely.” – Firepoodle

    Truth is truth. I know your Ann Coulter loving ass is probably jealous. Maher and Ann have a special relationship. He apparently likes anorexic trannies too. See you and him do have something in common!

    Like


  73. […] Comments « Why Are Later Marriages Less Likely To End In Divorce? […]

    Like


  74. “…is like basing Mid-East peace on the wisdom of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.”

    Firepower:

    That is
    not a good analogy

    Bill Maher is a slimy piece of shit,
    yes

    Moody A’s peace plan–
    on the right track.

    Yet I remain a fan
    of yours
    despite this.

    I am Dinky Wang

    Like


  75. @Doug1

    Having been through this, my opinion is that although she might have wanted to stay, there was absolutely no way for her to do it and save face with her girlfriends (almost all of them were also married). All of them loved this little soap opera and had no problem taking an active role in helping to end a marriage. Hell, the first thing my ex-wife did was to go tell all her friends about how I was cheating. Just like that crazy broad in Argentina with the banner.

    I often wonder what will happen when the next wife in that group finds that her husband has been unfaithful. Will it all go down the same way? Or will one of these hens decide that even though she’s dispensed advice to other women to leave their husbands, maybe in her case it’s “different”?

    Like


  76. uh oh, that comment on sidewinder’s remark from the editor is so much like cinderella right before the clock stroke midnight. the only difference this time… a nerd prince is about to pop out of a thin shell of disguise 🙂

    also, just because tyrone had said something very nice and very wise here, it ain’t mean he ain’t evil.

    Like


  77. Most men will not treat their wives the same way they did before they started their affairs. Many men stop having sex with their wives. If this were not the case, a lot less affairs would be found out.

    If you want to know more about women think you can look at the forums at survivinginfidelity.com

    Like


  78. Lara It’s hard to come right out and admit it, but we know it. I don’t hear many men constantly talking about their limited appeal to most women.

    This is very true. Whilst women are most attracted to the best looking, most charming men, they will think about how the heirachy is and where they fit into it. They are also by nature more insecure than men and compare themselves to other girls.
    More men than women try to shoot out of their league.

    Like


  79. a woman

    Do you think there are women who have seen a good outcome of leaving one man for a better one? It worked for me. I am so much better off in this marriage than I was with Super-Beta husband number one. And I dovorced in my thirties and had no lack of men who wanted to make a committment. Even tho I understand the logic of what you say, its hard to believe I am such an exception to the rule.

    Like


  80. Re: Backdoorman and his garden:

    If you think this blog has any validity, you should be worried that your wife is going to find you boring, will start screwing around, and divorce you, taking your house, garden, your dog, and your money.

    Like


  81. Re A women:

    Your comment how you traded up from a super beta to something better (It is very hard to be a super beta. Most men would be better people if they were super betas) should be required reading for all men considering marriage. If that didn’t steer them from marriage, they deserve their fate.

    How often it is repeated, and how often it is ignored. The simple piece of advice that would save so much misery for so many men:

    DO NOT MARRY.

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  82. @Gramps

    a woman

    by super-beta I mean VERY beta. I apologize for the confusion.

    And FTR it didn’t turn out to be misery for husband number 2.

    Maybe being more mature was the key, or maybe it was finding the right kind of man, but the difference is astounding. This is his second marriage as well and he would say the same thing.

    It was not a financial step up and I didnt take any alimony and very minimal child support-as he made only slightly more than I did at that point in our marriage- but match wise and marital satisfaction wise and sexual satisfaction wise its worlds better!

    Like


  83. Bertrand Russell in his “conquest of happiness” /Ch: “Affection”. Russell: I wish now to speak of the affection that a person gives. This also is of two different kinds, one of which is perhaps the most important expression of a zest for life (alpha), while the other is an expression of fear. (beta) The former seems to me wholly admirable, while the latter is at best a consolation.

    e.g. If you are sailing in a ship on a fine day along a beautiful coast, you admire the coast and feel pleasure in it. This pleasure is one derived entirely from looking outward, and has nothing to do with any desperate need of your own. If, on the other hand, your ship is wrecked and you swim towards the coast, you acquire for it a new kind of love: it represents security against the waves, and its beauty or ugliness becomes an unimportant matter.

    Bertrand Russell lads, nuf said.

    Like


  84. @ a girl:

    also, just because tyrone had said something very nice and very wise here, it ain’t mean he ain’t evil.

    So why am I evil? Is it because I’m a Republican?

    Like


  85. @Cadnerd
    “What, your mysterious sphinx mode ain’t cutting it. If you’ve got something to say, say it, don’t speak in meaningless riddles. Else it looks like “L-0-0-k at MEEEEEEEEE”, which in all likelihood is the case.
    (I put my sense of humor in the freezer overnight and it has to thaw)”

    LOL!!! You’re funny! I love the “mysterious sphinx mode” hahahha!!
    What I said is actually self explanatory, though a lot of people find me a riddle…haha!! No matter what anyone says about marriage. I will still give it a go. Some risks are worth taking. I have enough faith in myself and others to take the risk. ( i don’t think a hee hee is appropriate here..hehe)

    Like


  86. no, tyrone 🙂

    thought you might be libertarian, in which case, you are more likely to be evil for who you are… i don’t mean for being libertarian.

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  87. What, the odds you’ll make it, as in a decent marriage, are about 1 to 4. You’ve got acquainted with your little furball fury taking up a residence in your hindbrain, so maybe you can put it on a leash. It is a two way street, so your man needs to be aware of its existence too–not to awake it inadvertently. Direct him to CR. Either his inner alpha gets an uber-boost and then he may not be a MTR material, or he’d be able to apply the game theory to buttress your mutual relationship.

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  88. I have some exprerience in dealing with divorcee women in the 30+ age range, some with kids, some without.

    One thing you notice is that despite their age and their experience, once they are back on the dating market they nearly always use and rely on the strategies that got them attention and interest from men when they were back in their teens and 20’s.

    By this stage (most) men, single or otherwise; having either been burnt by bitter experience or having matured and learnt from their experiences are playing a different game and will not be sucked into the teen-level games that these women play.

    The guys that these women’s strategies do work on are usually naiive, inexperienced and soon percieved to be low value; thus either quickly emilinating themselves from being either fuck or relationship material and are usually relegated to orbiting friend material who are used as a tool of providing attention, ego boosting and validation.

    Like


  89. Cadnerd,

    Thanks for the advice. I get a lot from my brothers too. I think my guy is LTR material. If he is able to still be here and be able to handle my quirks, he is investing. I recognize that and I appreciate that. We are both putting in effort and that to me is a major criteria for any relationship—effort made mutually, though we can’t keep score, but I know it’s a two way street. I don’t expect perfection, and it’s ok. Work in progress with mutual effort is good enough for me. he has a great sense of humor and making me laugh unlocks me and he knew that from day one. How smart! ha!

    Like


  90. There’s another scenario here… the 45 marriage, which is stable and happy. Not because of lack of options, but because of “old age zen”.

    I think your ages above are off by 5-7 yrs… who gets married at 21?

    Great book called the Starter Marriage… posits that in the “future” we’ll have 4 marriages. “Starter” marriage, kids mariage, mid life crisis marriage, then… old age marriage.

    Like


  91. on June 17, 2011 at 12:44 am Sociopathic Narcissist

    what is female doublethink in action: she is aware, on an intellectual level, of the right way to approach relationships–the way that women in general, when society actually held them accountable for their actions, therefore incentivizing good behavior, used to behave–yet, if her posts here–both in content and underlying motivation–are any indication, what is revealed to simply be a spoiled child, one who will invariably give precedence to capriciousness over steadfast logic in all matters, including (and especially) in romantic relationships.

    In short, she knows the rules, and therefore believes herself to be reasonable; but as far as her actual behavior is concerned, well, I wish her beta boy-toy good luck. And of course, being a woman, what is simply unaware of this contradiction between principle and behavior. That really sums up women, doesn’t it? They can parrot intrinsic male attributes like morality (which, while lacking in many men, is simply impossible, for biological reasons, in women, who, due to their imperative to pass on the best genetics, are guided purely by expediency) and reason, but don’t really grasp them on a deeper level, thus precluding them from actually doing the right thing when separated from societal incentives.

    Like


  92. on June 17, 2011 at 1:58 am College Grad

    “This is the kind of psychological analysis that you just won’t glean from a dry social survey that is prone to false information, particularly from female respondents.”

    Maybe not a dry social survey, but certainly from studies on the choice effect.

    Like


  93. NS, 3 out of 4 chance that you’re correct.

    Like


  94. @ a woman
    You are either delusional about trading up or if you did genuinely trade up, you have no idea how lucky you are because it is only a minority of women who can genuinely trade up after the divorce especially they have a child in tow.

    Like


  95. So she’s an exception that doesn’t disprove the rule. I won’t flame her.

    This is interesting: an Obedient Wives Club:

    http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/obedient-wives-club-blames-social-ills-on-women-who-arent-good-sex-workers-to-their-husbands-2496424/

    Like


  96. Apparently that photo is already famous and the Vancouver riot kissing couple turns out to be a 29 year old Australian man Scotty and his gf Alex:

    http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Love+among+ruins+Details+about+couple+Vancouver+Riot+Kiss+photo+revealed/4959172/story.html

    Like


  97. on June 17, 2011 at 5:27 am Emma the Emo

    Somebody asked why a woman would divorce a man after he cheated on her, since that’s irrational and she’s supposed to try to keep her man. Why would anyone keep a liar? You can no longer trust that person. Even if you tried to forgive and forget, it might not be possible.

    Like


  98. Emma, what if your husband doesn’t lie about his fucking other girls. What if he tries to be discreet, refuses to disclose all details of his personal life, but also lets you know he reserves the right to fuck other girls, and does?

    You can frame non-monogamy as cheating and lying and use that as the “reason” to leave your husband. But what about when no cheating and no lying occur – when all that occurs is his penis being free?

    Like


    • This would be fine as long as he doesnt flip out if his wife reserves the same right

      Like


      • It’s not generally the same thing. There are sex differences.

        Most women can’t have great sex with another man repeatedly over time without developing strong feelings for him. Most but not all women are one man (at a time) women, and their feeling of sexual desire for their primary mate of more than 3-5 years is likely to dissipate or even dissolve as they devlop new relationship energy “in love” feelings for the new man who’s giving them great sex. Having sex much less with their husband or other primary will lead most women to have their feelings of pair bondedness or attachement also dissolve over time.

        Men are polygamous/promiscuous. Most women are monogamous or serially monogamous in nature. Having an affair for women is likely to kick the monogamy into becoming serial for most women.

        Where the sexes are strikingly different, double standards are appropriate and natural.

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  99. on June 17, 2011 at 6:27 am Emma the Emo

    xsplat,
    That is different. I don’t see anything wrong with that arrangement. Can’t say I could stand such an arrangement myself (the situation has to be exceptional for that to happen), but at least there is no lying. I don’t want him to transfer any STDs to me though, so I would be worried about that. In all, I’d rather avoid such an arrangement.

    Like


    • on June 17, 2011 at 7:32 pm DiamondEyes

      Is it also lying, and grounds for divorce when you imply that you will not get fat, and will maintain the normal sexual frequency enjoyed pre-marriage? If society is willing to consider those things lies deserving of divorce, I’m willing to take a second look at the bizarre theory that a roaming alpha husband is a liar.

      The minute we begin to take implicit promises at face value, then there are an awful lot of implied promises broken by the standard american wife.

      Like


      • on June 18, 2011 at 3:43 am Emma the Emo

        If an alpha wants to sleep with many different women, why marry and pretend you’re only gonna sleep with one? Why chose a woman who expects it? If you say you’re only going to sleep with one woman, and then break that promice, then you’re a liar. I agree with you about the implied promices though. I don’t think they should be implied, they should be clear and out in the open, or else you have no case… I’d say it would really suck to be in a situation where your wife became fat and stopped having sex with you, doesn’t want to change it, and you can’t divorce because then you’d lose a lot of money. In that case it’s not morally wrong to cheat. You’d be a liar, but since your SO doesn’t care about you anymore, it wouldn’t be bad.

        Like


  100. You make interesting assumptions about me. That only show how little you know me. Of course, you ONLY know what you have read. That’s why assumptions are very dangerous. People can loose out of opportunities, friends, good choices….etc…. based solely on assumptions. OR….they MAY be right. But speculations are after all only speculations.

    One thing I’ll give you is capriciousness….haha. I can be. hehe!! That’s what makes me soooo interesting…….I’ve been told! hahhaha!! My Chinese astrological element will confirm that. hehe!! My guy is doing just fine. : ) Spoil?……You might want to rethink this one. It’s interesting you would say this. THIS only shows how little understanding you have about my culture. Without knowing my particular, personal background and how I grew up….how possibly anyone know whether I am spoiled or not. speculations.

    Good try though. : )

    Like


  101. The above is addressing SN.

    Like


  102. Emma, in other words, it doesn’t matter if he lies or not.

    So don’t say that’s what matters.

    It’s not about the lying. It’s about power and control and mate guarding and jealousy.

    It’s true that women don’t stand for sharing for long, usually. But when the get pragmatic about it and are really into their man, they can. It’s painful, and they don’t want to, but they can.

    And whoever said “as long as it’s equal”; life is not fair and life is not equal. Demanding an equal relationship is pretty stupid, as it denies female nature. Females are not non-monogamous in the same way as men are. Yes, it’s not fair – life is inherently biologically unfair – because WE ARE NOT EQUAL.

    Like


    • true not everyone is equal and i’m sure some wives wont cheat, and some husbands wont either. But for those wives and husbands who want to, why not let them so that they can be happy? No need to get bent out of shape about it

      Like


      • also, you think women shouldn’t cheat because life is not equal… well if I’m probably going to get cheated on, then I’m going to want to cheat too. And I’m not going to stop myself just so life can be unfair. You think i really give a crap about making sure life stays unfair? lol I don’t.

        Like


      • Most of the time when women cheat, it tends over time to dissolve their sexual attraction to their husband, and that over time tends to dissolve their feelings of pair bondedness and wanting to remain married. That rarely happens to men when they cheat. It’s a basic sex difference.

        That’s why.

        Like


    • Anna, when girls pretend to be mated with one man, but fuck others, there is a greater risk to the man than the risk a man who fucks around gives to the girl.

      Women are more prone to fall in love and trade up. Men can easily keep several girls without losing interest in either.

      Women tend to fuck and love one guy at a time. You have serially monogamous pussies. And when you don’t, you get a stone cold heart and become useless for real bonding.

      Men and women are not the same, so the situation of non-monogamy is not even comparable, between the sexes.

      Like


      • well like you said, life is not fair or equal. And neither partner has a duty to try to make life fair or unfair. Their only job is to look out for themselves. So that’s what they’ll do it seems.

        Like


      • besides, i think you guys would actually be happy if the woman left for the man she’s cheating with. Eliminates the hassle of dumping her before moving on to the younger version, right

        Like


  103. @Emma and Xsplat

    Whilst a mans hatred of cheating and dishonesty is genuine and stems from the whole cuckolding thing and the loss of time, resources and lifeforce that could cause him, a womans proclaimed hatred of a cheating man is based solely on raw power.

    If the man cheats it is a threat because it indicates a lack of control over him, and women hate hate hate any sign of not having power over their beloved beta. When a woman claims to be very hurt by cheating, she is not hurt by the betrayel, or any of the possible consequences, but the intense feeling of loss of power. loss of face etc.

    Women must act on this feeling to keep the beta in his place. It’s funny because it’s often not the cheating that upsets them but the fact that a BETA or someone they percieved to be under their control cheated on them. Instead of seeing it as a boost that their man is higher value than they thought, It makes them feel massively insecure, that they misjudged the situation, brings into question their own value, judgement and security.

    In other words beta husband, you are not there to be sexy, you are not there to satisfy your needs. You are not the alpha who can fuck her and then run off. You are there to be an emotional and financial slave, and you best not step out of line because thats the only use she has for you.

    Funny thing is, most guys would find a womans need for “security”(CONTROL) endearing and sweet, even many alphas would be willing to betaize themselves…..if it weren’t for the fact that they fuck alphas freely and often in the least secure of circumstances.

    A man should be demanding virginity, pre-nup, complete subservience/a lot of time in the kitchen etc the whole shebang before he even considers being faithful to a woman and not pursueing extra fresh pussy as his right as a man.

    Like


  104. on June 17, 2011 at 4:15 am | Reply doclove
    @ a woman
    You are either delusional about trading up or if you did genuinely trade up, you have no idea how lucky you are because it is only a minority of women who can genuinely trade up after the divorce especially they have a child in tow.

    @doclove
    I did genuinely trade up…not sure why you think I am delusional about it. I believe it happens more than you think. And I do consider myself lucky. I shudder tot hink I maight have stayed in that other marriage. I almost did. Despite what you read here, it was a devastatingly difficult decision to break up my family. I wasn’t something I did lightly. I didn’t just flit off without trying my hardest to make things better. It was clear he was never ever going to “get it”, tho.

    And I have never looked back. I have been married 13 years now and my only regret is that I should have left sooner and not agonized over it for so long.

    Like


  105. My remaining girl – the super hottie who is less than half my age, is mate guarding like nuts lately. I refuse to agree with her demands on monogamy, and at the same time make strict demands on her, for as long as she lives under my roof. When I go out I have to shut off my phone, or she’ll freak and phone every 5 minutes.

    It’s gotten to the point where the only way to avoid becoming under her heel is to be a heel and to just not give a shit about her feewings. I lock her in my apartment when I go out and shut off the phone and don’t much explain where I go. Even when it’s all perfectly innocent.

    Because otherwise she’ll go out and leave my apartment unlocked, my computers at risk, and go hunting around town for me. Hell, tonight she was even calling an ex gf, when I was out, inquiring and proclaiming her insecurities about me being out with another girl.

    All I can do is ignore it – all of it, and do exactly whatever the fuck I want.

    When I return, I just command her to cook dinner, and act as if nothing happened. And that’s that.

    Like


  106. Cummander Sheepard

    Truth is truth. I know your Ann Coulter loving ass is probably jealous. Maher and Ann have a special relationship. He apparently likes anorexic trannies too. See you and him do have something in common!

    With wisdom like yours, it’s clear why Ferdi traded me to keep you on his Teen Fan Club.

    Wake up. Wipe Maher’s splooge from your eyes.

    Like


  107. xsplat

    My remaining girl – the super hottie who is less than half my age

    Dating eight year olds
    is legal where you are? ick

    Like


  108. Oh, in case anyone is interested or has been following along with this personal issue, girl number two is now living with me, and is no longer frigid. She even comes regularly now. That started only recently, after I nearly kicked her out of my place for some online flirting I found her doing. I dissappeared to my other apartment for a bit, and let her cry and moan and freak, and told her she was downgraded to being only able to visit, as I couldn’t have her both live here and be hunting. Forcing separation like that put the fear into her, and also made her give up more, and become more my property. And orgasm more.

    That’s all rather personal, but there may be some useful info in it for all men. That a frigid girl can, after 8 months, eventually become a sexual being who initiates sex and comes easily.

    That girl is tough to tame. But she’s chopping vegetables now, and dressed in the sexy house clothes assigned.

    Oh – men – don’t forget to tell your girls what to say when fucking, sometimes. For this one it’s “tell me you love me” “say it again” “say it again”, just as she is reaching orgasm. There is an immediate change in her pussy wetness and muscular action as soon as she does this. And of course this leads to greater bonding, which for her leads to better sex.

    Like


  109. on June 17, 2011 at 10:00 am Emma the Emo

    xsplat,
    It’s still different. You should dump a liar out of principle alone. It’s a betrayal. It’s like a slap in the face. The open relationships arrangement is something I never tried before, and I honestly don’t know how it would make me feel and what effects it would have on me. I probably wouldn’t go into such a relationship if the guy was very popular and had lots of other women. It’s just not my thing. I guess it could be about jealousy, as you say. Doug1 asked specifically about women who divorce their cheating husbands, not women who leave open relationships, and that’s what I was talking about. Trust is important in a relationship, and without it you’re not in any way close or intimate.

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  110. xsplat, you slay me frigid became orgasmic from your nonsense….so hilarious that you think so

    Like


  111. Jen – how did you become an expert on what is making m girl come? Seems you have super powers of cognition.

    Or an agenda.

    Like


  112. Most men will not treat their wives the same way they did before they started their affairs. Many men stop having sex with their wives.

    ummm…..lots of men have affairs because their wives stop having sex with them. if they can’t get any at home, they’re going to look somewhere else.

    Like


  113. Women have to mate guard for two reasons; to avoid total loss of their man to a new girl, and to avoid her man spending resources on another girl.

    Men have to mate guard for two reasons; to avoid total loss of their woman to a new man (this is a much higher risk for men), and to avoid spending resources on a child not his own.

    So both men and women are fighting over the mans resources. The man needs to keep his mate faithful so that he doesn’t spend his resources on her cuckoo kid, and the wife needs to keep her man faithful so that he doesn’t spend his money on other girls, instead of her and her kids.

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  114. Keeping a harem is an art form that no one teaches…

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  115. I’ve found that sooner or later, especially as the girls fall deeper in love and come regularly with you and are deeply and attached and bonded, things fall apart.

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  116. One girl I recently dated had a mental breakdown triggered by – get this – me giving a laptop to girl number two.

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  117. That was what made her snap. A laptop. She was girl number one and wanted at the very least a laptop of her own also, even though we were living together and I already had a 2nd laptop for her to use…

    This was no intellectual belief system – this was a deep down triggered emotion that she could not handle that drove her to a full blown psychotic break with reality. Women can freak out, and freak out hard, over RESOURCES.

    I’m not convinced that the individuals in a harem can ever be in a stable relationship with the man. They come and go. I’ve yet to get more than a year out of a girl who was in love with me in such a relationship. Fuck buddies don’t count – that’s not a mate in a harem.

    But I do believe men can be stably bonded and connected to multiple women at once. Men make relationship pacts and stick to them, and can be in love polyamourously, without conflict. It’s perfectly easy to fuck two or three girls in the same day and mean all the pillow talk with each one.

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  118. That was what made her snap. A laptop. She was girl number one and wanted at the very least a laptop of her own also, even though we were living together and I already had a 2nd laptop for her to use…

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  119. This was no intellectual belief system – this was a deep down triggered emotion that she could not handle that drove her to a full blown psychotic break with reality. Women can freak out, and freak out hard, over RESOURCES.

    Like


  120. This was no intellectual belief system – this was a deep down triggered emotion that she could not handle that drove her to a full blown psy chotic break with reality. Women can freak out, and freak out hard, over RESOURCES.

    I’m not convinced that the individuals in a harem can ever be in a stable relationship with the man. They come and go. I’ve yet to get more than a year out of a girl who was in love with me in such a relationship. Fuck buddies don’t count – that’s not a mate in a harem.

    But I do believe men can be stably bonded and connected to multiple women at once. Men make relationship pacts and stick to them, and can be in love polyamourously, without conflict. It’s perfectly easy to fuck two or three girls in the same day and mean all the pillow talk with each one.

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  121. And why your 1st GF knows about a laptop for the 2nd GF? Maybe you’re into soap operas with drama queens feuding over electronic trinkets?

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    • As to why GF 1 knew about the laptop for GF 2, it’s complicated, but I was seeing them both so often that they by that time knew each other and had each other contact info. Christ, I even forgot to wash between girls one day – they knew each other that well!

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  122. on June 17, 2011 at 4:39 pm This is Jen

    Jen – how did you become an expert on what is making m girl come? Seems you have super powers of cognition.

    Or an agenda.

    @xsplat
    I don’t have any idea what you mean by “an agenda”. But do you really think throwing her out made her orgasmic?

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    • Yes and no. In order to understand the yes part, you’d have to learn how dominance and submission turns girls on.

      In order to understand the no part, you’d have to be privy to all else that has been leading up to her becoming sexual.

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  123. Jen, yes and no. In order to understand the yes part, you’d have to learn how dominance and submission turns girls on.

    In order to understand the no part, you’d have to be privy to all else that has been leading up to her becoming sexual.

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  124. tyrone: From the comments I hear, many of you have never experienced a truly blissful relationship or a powerful emotional bond with a woman. All those stupid love song cliches take on a new meaning when it happens. Most people are too immature to allow it to happen, which is why we have this board. Those of you who still seek love, should know it exists, albeit that it is elusive. Marriage is a young man’s curse and an old man’s comfort as the saying goes.

    This is probably the most magnificent and true statement I have ever read in this blog.

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  125. Shawk, about one couple in 50 would make it to the blissful comfort zone, and that’s maybe a way to optimistic figure.

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    • Also true. However, much is about attitude. My wife has always approached me with my best interests in mind and truly sees her own well being as being intertwined with her own. She believes that if I am happy and well adjusted, that I will be more successful in life and I will be easier to live with and of course wealthier, which benefits her too. She is self interested, but in a symbiotic way. Nonetheless, it amounts to her trying hard to make me happy and it works in reverse. This would have been impossible with my ex-wife. I think very few women see the world this way and very few men are capable of appreciating it when they encounter it.

      In any event, this attitude exists only in Slavonic cultures it seems. I once spoke about men going over there and poisoning the well by fucking and chucking the women there. I was talking about destroying this kind of devotion from a woman within those cultures. You have to read Pushkin’s romantic poetry and Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina to get a good understanding of the mentality.

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      • My most attentive girl was prior to meeting me an outrageous slut.

        I’ve seen a lot of devoted girls, but she was exemplary. You don’t get better than a personal love slave with endless enthusiasm head over heels for you doting respectfully and cheerfully. In my books, it doesn’t get any better.

        Other guys have kids in their books. I don’t read those books.

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  126. @Xsplat:

    she didn’t freak out over the resources, she freaked out over the shift in status they represented to her. She saw that action as being the first step to demotion- “after all I’ve done for you!!!!!!”

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    • I’m not getting the distinction.

      There was no real shift. She was living with me, and girl number two had a job and I’d see her a few days a week for a few hours at a time. The only shift was a shift of resources.

      She was more jealous of resources than of time and attention.

      I believe women are hardwired to keep a very close eye on men spending on other women. A comparable jealousy even to men fucking other girls – perhaps even more jealousy.

      Yes, it’s about resources.

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  127. If you’re with one woman, its easiest to keep them guessing, generally remain faithful, and if you dally about on the side, then, be discrete, don’t get caught, and be respectful of your partner’s public image, status, reputation, and self respect. Open harems are an ego boost, but are indeed a fair bit of work and most men aren’t cut out to keep up the requisite effort. This makes call girls attractive to high status married men. Kept mistresses are another method. France generally handles these questions with more finesse than America does.

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    • There is nothing easy about being discreet. Not when you see all the girls regularly and not by the time they are all in love with you.

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  128. This is Jen

    xsplat says My most attentive girl was prior to meeting me an outrageous slut.
    ============================================
    sounds like the perfect girl for you!!

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  129. A little late, but just came across a jem at The Atlantic magazine in “How to Land You Kid in Therapy,” by Lori Gottliebe (July/Aug issue, about page 4 or so):

    http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/print/2011/07/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555/

    “Barry Schwartz, at Swarthmore, believes that well-meaning parents give their kids so much choice on a daily basis that the children become not just entitled, but paralyzed. ‘The ideology of our time is that choice is good and more choice is better,’ he said. ‘But we’ve found that’s not true.’ … Kids feel safer and less anxious with fewer choices, Schwartz says; fewer options help them to commit to some things and let go of others, a skill they’ll need later in life.”

    2:1 the Rationalization Hamsters run riot EPL-style despite low SMV in those who were spoiled as kids.

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  130. […] Like“, “Why Don’t Women Politicians Get Caught in Sex Scandals?“, “Why Are Later Marriages Less Likely to End in Divorce?“, “Is the Sexual Market […]

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  131. This is Jen.

    xsplat says: My most attentive girl was prior to meeting me an outrageous slut. =================================================================== sounds like the perfect girl for you!!
    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
    Stating the obvious is banal.
    ========================================================================
    I was happy you two were occupied with eachother

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  132. Ok I am 24 and on the Market for a husband.

    I met a gorgeous guy, 9/10, intelligent doctor, swimmers physique, 6’3″ tall dark and handsome etc. There’s a lot of chemistry and he’s a gentleman. I thought I hit the jackpot.

    Until we got to the bedroom and he’s unable to perform. The foreplay is great, but as soon as it comes to the act, he can’t stay up. What is with that?

    Have I somehow made him nervous? I guess I am quite aloof and outspoken. I try to be more womanly than girly. Some would say nonchalant. But I don’t want do intimidate or pile on the pressure for him to perform. I feel embarassed when we go out and men compliment me or say he’s a lucky guy, I think he feels like there’s too much competition.

    Any suggestions on how I should act to make him more confident/dominant in the bedroom?

    I am crying inside because his package is really quite something to behold.

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    • Vivi, there can be so many reasons for a guy to have ED. Does he drink or smoke a lot? Does he get enough sleep?

      When guys ask for advice in the boner department, I tell them the best two secrets of keeping the soldier saluting: get enough sleep, and do squats. Squats can be done anywhere, they work out the biggest muscle of your body (calves), which kicks off bone growth which kicks off testosterone production. I’m 37 and attribute my abilities in the bedroom solely to doing squats twice a week. if I don’t, my T drops like the mercury in an Alaskan winter.

      Sure, it could be that he’s nervous with you, but that’s doubtful. Most likely he’s overworked and stressed.

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    • People can get stuck in sexual habits. You know how if you keep one lover for a while, it takes a while to find your groove with a new love interest? With some girls I get in very strong aggressive habits, and then a new girl will come along and require romance and tenderness that is just no longer my style. Our habits collide and the chemistry becomes difficult to find.

      But habits are flexible. Eventually lovers usually find their middle ground, and expand out from that territory. The most sexually adventurous expand quickly. The more timid prefer to settle in one small comfortable area.

      You need to keep probing in different ways as to what this guys kink is. Is it romance? Check what happens to his dick when you whisper sweet nothings. It is violence? Contrive to have him spank you. Play all sorts of role playing dialogue games with him. These are easy to initiate – just playfully pretend to be a waitress hitting on him, ,pretend to be the girl scout cookie salesgirl, pretend to be a prostitute, pretend to be a naive but horny little virgin. Keep an eye out for his state of arousal as you try out various buttons.

      He is an instrument that you have to learn to play. Blow in his holes and wiggle your fingers on his orifices. Yes, I’m alluding to sticking your finger up there, and in putting your tongue down there. Explore. Neither of you will know what his kinks are until you get kinky.

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  133. This is jen
    xsplat asks

    Is it your intention to be a master of the passive aggressive backhand?
    ========================================================================
    I mean it, your posts DO crack me up, and, also its wonderful that you are finding such compatible (with you) women.

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    • Well then you you’d feel less wonderful about my current live-in. She was a virgin at 21, when I met her. And other than being the physical embodiment of feminine beauty, she’s a tad tom boyish. And very difficult to tame into being a slavish servant.

      One makes do..

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  134. This is Jen

    xsplat says:::::Well then you you’d feel less wonderful about my current live-in. She was a virgin at 21, when I met her. And other than being the physical embodiment of feminine beauty, she’s a tad tom boyish. And very difficult to tame into being a slavish servant.

    One makes do..
    ========================================================================
    why so difficult?
    :

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  135. This is Jen

    xsplat says:: Three word reply?

    Try harder.
    ========================================================================
    I figured you were busy taming your 21 year old

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  136. Vivi you did not post a base plot line premise of “Trois Couleurs – Blanc, perchnce”?
    If not (people do make stuff up for numerous reasons, or more often a lack of it), go to blockbusters and get it for an inspiration (don’t worry, if your Fwench or Polish is not that great, there should be English subs)..

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  137. xsplat said on Why Are Later Marriages Less Likely To End In Divorce?
    June 20, 2011 at 11:01 am

    In response to on June 19, 2011 at 6:38 pm:

    This is Jen xsplat says:: Three word reply? Try harder. ======================================================================== I figured you were busy taming your 21 year old

    Either engage, or don’t engage, you passive aggressive snarky bitch.

    ###########################################################################

    This is Jen

    Oh xsplat,
    I am not one of your little 21 year old outrageous sluts….try not to forget it

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  138. I don’t think “options = instability”… I think “instability= instability”

    A person can be in a room with a thousand people and they’re all wrong, or be in room with one and they’re it. How ‘well matched’ a couple is to begin with, and the ability of those individuals adapt to change, are probably the best predictors of marriage outcome.

    People who are selfish and immature (children’s traits) usually don’t do so well in grown up people situtations (like marriage). This could explain why more ‘young marriages’ struggle.

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